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Tuesday, Mar. 05, 2002 / 6:40 p.m. ~Bad Day, Drinking Wine, Mouthing Off, in Writing - Wishing Someone Would Go Get Us Some Thai.....~ WARNING! UNPOPULAR AND POTENTIALLY OFFENSIVE OPINIONS AHEAD! READ AT YOUR OWN RISK! :) I'm doing something I don't normally do, well, not lately, and I'm not sure why. I'm drinking. Alcohol. I've never been much of a drinker, I'm quite the "lightweight" in fact, but it was so nice to come home, have a nice cathartic cry, and pop open my bottle of Italian Chardonnay, pour a glass, and laugh at the news. I feel a little guilty for thinking this, only because it's never nice when a loved one passes on, but I'm glad the US is finally experiencing some "casualties". About fucking time! Right, we go in and drop bombs all the hell over the place, Yugoslavia, Iran, Iraq, Afghanistan, we kill thousands upon thousands, in the name of "freedom" and "peace" and OIL, and it's fine and dandy, we even kill people we no longer want in our society, we give them "lethal injections" or fry them in electric chairs, and that kind of murder is okay too, it's all okay if our government is doing the killing. State sanctioned murder is A-OK in the USA! But, omigod! We lost a man or two! Horrors! He's a fucking hero now! There's his picture, there will be a story on "60 Minutes" or "Dateline NBC" or "20/20" or "Whatever", but what about all those Afghans we've been killing? Did they have to die because some Saudi suicide bombers flew planes into the World Trade Center and the Pentagon? Huh? Where's the fucking logic? It's all about the OIL, people, and if you don't see that, you're just fucking stupid and delusional. Yeah, we're losing some AmeriKKKans, 'bout fucking time. I say this as I sit here in my "An Eye For An Eye Will Only Make The Whole World Blind" t-shirt.....Ahhhh...the irony. I'm just pissed. I'm sick of the rhetoric, the double-talk, the bullshit, the state sanctioned killing, the state sanctioned lying, the overall deception of the American people, of the whole fucking world! And the fact that so many people are too afraid to even question! To dissent! What is wrong with you? Is life really easier to see with blinders on? Right, this Chardonnay has the most incredible buttery aftertaste. There is an initial tang, then as it goes down, there is pure butter, very soft, then a bit more of a tang in memory. Nice. I dig it highly. Work sucked today, especially right at the end there.....right at the end. The final phone call, left me in the worst mood. And the error I got in my document processing, yeah, details, I won't write it, it's so fucking tedious and boring. Suffice to say I told D., the Supervisor, "Well, that's a stupid rule, and no doubt they'll change it in a few months", and I told Sunshine I should really find a new job on my day off tomorrow.... How does one find a new job that pays as well as one's current job, in one day? I came home, passed the downstairs neighbor's door, keys in the lock, walked part way up the stairs, back down, rang the bell, he answered, on the phone, I pointed, "You left your keys in the door", he gave me a thumbs up, kept talking on the phone, closed the door, smiling. I felt pretty good about that. I thought, well, I'd want someone to ring my bell, to tell me. So I practiced "The Golden Rule". Mmmm...feels good to be nice. I seldom drink Chardonnay. It became so cliche a few years back. All the wine drinkers went from, "I'll have a Chablis" to "I'll have a Chardonnay", and then of course it was, "I'll have a Merlot", you know, whatever's hip. But I switched to beer somewhere along the way, and never at home, though I always seem to have some on hand, only out and about. "I'll have a Bass". Please. But wine? Yeah. I like wine. The drier the better. Um......whew. I'm okay. Really. The error. Her telling everyone, "We got an error....", "WE"?! Was it me? Nah. She'd tell me. So, end of day, end of fucking day, she tells me. Stupid fucking error. If no contact name provided, put "Property Management". Even though I put "Parkside Development". Like on the fucking envelope. I copied the fucking envelope, that's what they put there. Why do I have to make up some shit to add to it? Bullshit, that's what it is. Then this chickie who can't remember her hire date, tells me the wrong year, when I say it's wrong, she says, "No, it isn't". No it isn't. Yes it is. No it isn't. Yes it is. What, are we in Kindergarten? Fuck me, man! 5:57, I'm on the phone with this chickie. Wants to speak to my Supervisor, the one who waited 'til the end of the day to tell me it was my error, and could I just initial it....right .....here? Yeah. I was good. I was okay. But somehow, I walked in that door, I was HOME, and I lost it. I HATE THAT FUCKING JOB, I HATE THAT FUCKING JOB SO MUCH, IT'S FUCKING KILLING ME, I HATE THAT JOB WITH SUCH A FUCKING PASSION, WHAT THE FUCK AM I SUPPOSED TO DO? THERE IS NO FUCKING WAY OUT AND D. JUST WANTS TO BRING ME DOWN, SHE REVELS IN BRINGING ME DOWN, IT GIVES HER SUCH INTENSE JOY, AND I HATE THAT FUCKING JOB. That's why I cried. I cry sometimes when I'm supremely frustrated and angry. I'm seldom just sitting around sad and lonely, crying. I cry because I'm pissed, I'm stuck in a situation, I see no solution. That kind of thing. I'd already planned to pop open the wine. I have a bottle of red, one of white. And a few beers, and we'll not even get into the liquor, the Jack Black, the Brandy, the liqueurs...... But I don't drink, not at home. Why? Dunno. It feels good. I like it. Now, if only someone would drive into town and get me some Thai....... Yeah, so I hate my job......I have tomorrow off. I can recuperate, a bit. I'll hit the job web sites a little, but mostly I want to breathe deeply, watch my favorite night of TV, watch my "A Cook's Tour", instead of the new Osbourne clan show on MTV (priorities....though I'm a Black Sabbath fan from WAY back, and that show would be fun! I can tape it!), get my Tony Bourdain fix before he comes tomorrow...... I'll be alright. I had my release. All will be well. The positive me has resurfaced, a bit. There has to be more than this. There HAS to be, right??????? And the US soldiers who died in "battle" (hah!) in Afghanistan today??? Sorry, on that I won't change. That's a ridiculous situation. We're using what happened 9/11 as an excuse to establish a military installation there, it's so fucking obvious it's not even funny. Has Bin Laden even directly accepted responsibility for those planes??? He's a fucking SAUDI! Are we bombing Saudi Arabia???!?!!!!?? NO! Why?? We NEED them. Give me a fucking break. No, those servicemen shouldn't have died over there, they shouldn't have died fighting the Al Quaeda. That's a joke. Oh, oh, what do I propose we do instead? Do I have the ultimate solution? Work on changing our Foreign Policy, work HARD on Foreign Relations, not go around killing everybody. It's so pointless. Conscientious Objector here. Alright, I'm Audi. Cost of the War in Iraq
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