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Tuesday, Jan. 21, 2003 / 4:06 p.m. ~Because I Can~ Again, last night, I toyed with the idea of canceling my ISP. It happens every now and then. I really miss my computer, the 'new' one. I really, really do. I tried again to fix it, night before last, to no avail whatsoever. In fact, I got different error messages. The boot disk I created is now an 'invalid system disk'. La dee fucking da. I called in sick today. Because I am sick. I want to say I have no idea what this is, that it was just waking up coughing on the bus Saturday night, then a very, very, dry throat, then coughing at work, BAD, BAD coughing, but as I began to write that I felt it in my sinuses after all. I coughed all night last night. I can't sleep on my back, it makes me cough immediately. I can't believe this is the 'new girl's illness - that would be an incredibly short incubation period. Is it possible? She sat with me in my cube to train, last week, telling me she didn't want to touch my keyboard, my things, as she was very sick. She didn't looksick. She's too pretty to let herself look sick. Yesterday she was out sick. Today it's me. I feel like crap, absolute crap. Slept from about 10:30 last night to about 3:30 today. And I am amazed I'm sitting here typing, that I can do it. I couldn't access my ISP's email services yesterday, but today I see (from checking through ICQ - so many acronyms, so little time) that I have stuff to read in my guestbook - not anxious to check it out. I expect bashing or criticism, or defensive posturing. I can't get along with any people, anywhere, not even here. Now I've started to think I have a fever, then it takes a second or two to remember I just set down my hot coffee after taking a sip. I'm already senile. Here's something good, "Joe Millionaire" was fun last night. I was thinking a little while ago (see how TV gets into my head, as if it's some sort of 'reality'?) that Alison may be an Aries. She led on the horseback riding, she was intriguing, independent, and this attracted our Evan, but in the long run, though she knew he is too uncouth for her, she wanted him to want her, to chase her down. As the butler said, Evan doesn't know how to go after her. Shame. And he's keeping the one around, one of the annoying blondes, because she looks good in a bustier? Oooh, that makes a lot of sense. Trash TV. Fun, fun, fun. Tonight's my "Gilmore Girls" and "24", two of the most very best television shows ever to be on TV. So, Yay!, and all that. Meanwhile, I need to figure out why I'm sick. Could it have been a powerful virus that moved from the 'new girl' to me, in record time? Was I exposed prior to her training sessions? Can inhaling 20 degree air for seven hours straight cause the throat to burn? Frost bite? Ahhh, more hot coffee. After this I'll drink hot tea. And cold water. And hot tea. And I'll put honey in my tea. And I might make the same thing I made last night for dinner, chicken chorizo with corn, over angel hair pasta. But I'm out of green onions. And the pan is still dirty. I need a maid. There's a cheesy Susan Hayward movie on TCM, something from '47, that's 1947, something called "Smash Up", about a woman who hits the drink after her husband becomes more successful than she. Ooooh, good stuff. I have a shitload of "GL"s to watch though. As much as I don't like being sick, I deserve this day off, I really do, and it feels luxurious to know I can just lounge around, sleeping, watching cheesy movies or my soap, because I can, I just can. (Aw, I just checked the guestbook messages and they warm my little heart! Thanks, you guys. Even "My Room", yes, yes, I remember you! Thank you for the kind words. The fight against a pre-emptive strike - hah, funny to use the word 'fight' when talking about peace! - is a totally different thing from hating big corporations. I am not against anyone starting up a business and taking it as far as it can go!!! Starbucks? I remember when it was just a Seattle thing, yeah, but now it's BIG, BIG, BIG, and you know what? Power to 'em! I've never been inside one though. No desire. McD's? Love 'em! Quarter Pounder With Cheese? One of my favorite foods in all the world! Why should I hate them? Why can't I protest my government's assholish foreign policy and still enjoy a a Qpounder? There is NO logic in that whatsoever. This anti-capitalism crap is new. It's kids, students, it's a very 'new millenium' kind of thing, like a cause built around the need for a new cause. It smacks of desperation, of a 'lost generation' looking for something to wrap its desire for compassion around. It's misplaced, I'm telling you. Grrrr....it still just makes me so mad, every time I read anything about it, even someone agreeing that it's ridiculous. I just get started on it all over again and I see who it is that's on that train, it's kids. No one older than 25 is espousing this anti-capitalist bullshit. It's like this new trend. Like hackeysacks or something. It has no basis in our reality. War, killing, that I get. I am anti-war, pro-choice, an environmentalist, a feminist, but capitalism? What's the problem? I am fine with my American Pop Culture. I remember singing the Big Mac song, I can still, but it never meant I had to have it. I was never owned by any big corporation. Maybe it comes from my background living with a mother who had me believe we were poor. She bought me polyester pants at KMart. I never had brand name clothing. No Nikes for this chick. Nikes didn't exist when I was a kid. And I think you can raise your kids without brand loyalty, if that's what you want. Do what YOU want, that is what is still great about this country, yes, I believe that. Can you tell the coffee is kicking in? This is still one long parenthetical paragraph!!!!!!!!!!! Can you have two paragraphs in one parenthesis? Or is that between two parentheses? I could go on, I could. And I'm actually very interested in this topic because it seems so new. It used to be the bourgeoisie against the proles, and that was a sympathetic offshoot of the Cold War with Russia, but now this anti-capitalist crap seems to have come from the land of Seattle itself, home to Nirvana and Starbucks and funny knit hats. In fact!!!!, I would be willing to bet you hard cash it has a lot to do with Kurt Cobain himself. And his crew. People are sheep. They will latch on to any concept they think will make them look cool. If it's not the Nikes themselves, it's the dogma, it's the propaganda of anti-capitalism! Anyone joining in that crowd is not even thinking for herself. I'd better stop. Maybe I'll go on later, ad nauseum, again.) (Wait, here's a new parenthetical paragraph! Good. One more thing. Yes, I did travel from Atlanta to D.C. on the most crowded bus I've ever been on, sitting across from Sandy and his son and their five bags of CRAP! - or was it SIX? - and no, I didn't sleep but two hours max, and on the way home I began with this cough, and it was cold as fuck, but I carried my sign, the whole fucking day, and I chanted when my throat didn't seize on me, and I marched the two and a half hour march, and yes, I did it for the people sitting on their couches saying, "Hey, maybe we shouldn't be attacking Iraq.....", and, no, in the long run it made NO difference at all. And it was miserable, and I was miserable. I was COLD. My feet hurt, they cramped, my hands were frozen despite my gloves, but I fucking did it, you are right. And not so anyone would praise me afterward, that's not why, I did it because I felt I HAD to. Because that's how much I care. I don't care whether or not Starbucks opens a new coffee shop on the corner by your house (YOU have the power, within YOUR community, to close that Starbucks down!!! Get your neighbors to boycott!!!! If you hate the big restaurant chains, get a boycott in your community!!!), I care whether or not we kill more innocent people and thereby cause more extremists to hate us! They don't hate Starbucks as much as they hate George Bush, trust me. Hussein and Bin Laden would rather go into the local Baghdad McD's and grab a quick Combo Number 1 than listen to Georgie Jr tell them they're running out of fucking time. Get some perspective. Big business does push small business out of the picture, no argument there, but YOU are the consumer, and YOUR KIDS, and you teach them the right way, you teach them to support the little guy and you'll be okay. But don't tell any protestor where she can get a bite to eat when she wakes up and exits the bus. Broken record here. I'm sick, give me a break.) Cost of the War in Iraq
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