Saturday, Aug. 23, 2003 / 1:08 p.m.

~Really Long Entry Mostly About Yesterday at Work~

I did log on last night, but as soon as I did there was a lot of loud thunder and some rather bright lightning flashes and I thought it best to log right back off after checking email. I then picked up my phone, not exactly smart, but I did, to phone in an AudBlog entry for my LiveJournal, but AudBlog claims I've used up all my calls. We need to have a few words, AudBlog and I.

Nevertheless, I didn't post an entry here, and this is odd, but it's now explained. Oh, if you were my Manager or Supervisor at work, you'd say, "Joleen blamed the Lord causing it to storm for not posting her entry, and this is a formal warning that she needs to take ownership for her diary entries. Any further blame passed on to our Lord, or anyone else, will result in her immediate termination, and we have let her know of this."

But it would be filled with typos and horrid grammar.

Well, well, well, three holes in the ground. Here's why the Site Manager is totally ignoring me, except for the moment he made eye contact and said, "I got your message"... he gave two weeks notice!! Wheeeee!!!! 'Floor Meeting' yesterday morning, that's the whole site gathering in the center of the suite to hear what he has to say, to let us know he's leaving. Six years, he says, that's six months longer than I've been there, but he was absent from our site for much of that, he'd moved on within the company and come back about a year or so ago, and now he's gone completely. Two more weeks. (I need to mention that the Outsourcing Company CEO was there, a woman we've seen before on rare occasions, and she gave a word after he spoke, said, "The Lord closes some doors and opens others...." before I tuned her out and clenched my fists and let the steam blow out my ears in an effort not to let anything exit my mouth - could NOT believe her mentioning the LORD in a business meeting with our whole site!)

It's possible he'll listen to me in the next two weeks, but let's be realistic, he doesn't give a fuck. He knows what happened, I can't doubt that, in fact, I'm thinking the whole place knows that I stood up to the bitch that is my Manager (M), whose name begins with M, and if I thought I could write it here, oooh, I would, but let's be reasonable. He heard, he knows, he likes her, he has no clue what goes on in our department, he never even comes over to see us, past the partition that excludes us from the rest of the site.

I got some very interesting insight into all of this on my second break yesterday, taken with Jane and Q in the 'break room', which I never used to frequent, but now I take my breaks there with them, on occasion. The receptionist, Ms Bulldog (close to her real name - someone with whom I used to work quite closely, as I was initially hired to be her backup) came in to give the requisite hugs to Q and Jane, skipping me of course, I guess because I'm not A. Christian, B. Black, C. Some freak who hugs people I may not even care for, just because Christian Black Women do, and started talking about the Site Manager leaving, and how glad she was, and as my eyes popped out of their sockets she went on, not really looking at me, clearly the most, or only, truly interested one in our little party.

Oh yes, he's a fine man, a nice man, but he is too friendly with the managers, he lets them do what they will, he will not run the place as it needs to be run because he is too close, she was saying. And she went on to recount a recent 'writing up' experience of her own, telling us she refused to sign the letter! I told her I'd signed mine, but wrote a disclaimer next to my signature, and she said, "Then you said you agree with it, you shouldn't have signed it". I know there was no statement on the letter saying I agree with it, there was simply an acknowledgement line, a place for my signature, and that of my Supervisor, or Manager (Supervisor signed it, Manager has still not even acknowledged that this 'writing up' even took place, still!!! STILL!!!!), and a witness, Manager's other Department's Supervisor, who lately ALWAYS sits in as witness. Odd.

No, I told Ms Bulldog, I did not sign an agreement, I simply signed, I wrote that I did not acquiesce. She says oh no, she would NOT sign that thing, that it was filled with lies, that whatever fight she had with her own manager (who is the Site HR Manager - following all this, are you?) was ridiculous and petty and she was not going to agree with the stupid letter as written. Oh, man, suddenly I was in Activist mode, I was all "Right On!!!", and rushing over to give her a big hug, a justified hug, not a silly, "We're all God's children" hug. And Q and Jane laughed at me, sat bored, lifeless. This was BIG, this was VERY BIG.

Ms Bulldog knows all, tells all, she is the heart of the site. She's been there a long, long time, maybe 7 years or so (the site is only 9 years old, I think), and she's seen a lot of comings and goings, she is in direct contact, as receptionist, with the client (the HUGE multinational Corporation who doesn't give a FUCK about its employees, let it be known, nor the OUTSOURCING company's employees) and all the bigwigs therein. She knows all, and this was revelatory. She then proceeded to let us know there is talk already about who should replace him, and many are pointing to my Manager (M) as their 'logical' choice. Ms Bulldog says they can't chase her away, but if (M) takes over, she is GONE!!!!!!!!!!! She can't stand that woman either. And she elaborated with an instance of (M) bullying Kukla, (M)'s own sister, the one we all think is being shown endless favoritism, in the break room, in front of many other people, telling Kukla she could not refill her water cup, she needed to go to her dept., that if she wants water she needs to get there early in the mornings, that she told her to go someplace and she meant it, etc. Funny she would put on such a show outside of our dept., as we are the ones who need to see that sort of thing.

Interesting, very interesting.

Q and Jane left the room, totally not interested, which is odd because people are usually ALWAYS interested in gossip or behind the scenes info in that place. Why are they so NOT interested?? And Ms Bulldog and I went on another minute or two, me saying that with (M) holding my paycheck in her hands, metaphorically, or basically, or however, I would not tolerate her threatening to fire me for something so petty and ridiculous, and Ms Bulldog went on a bit too, about her experience, and I kept raising my fist and saying "Right ON!" a lot, because I think I was a Black Panther in a former life (wait, I'm too old for that), or something. Actually, the last march on Washington found me doing that a lot too, the fist raise, especially during, "Whose streets???? OUR streets!!!!" as the police beat up protestors with nightsticks...

I felt like a budding Norma Rae or somebody. UNION!!! I don't know, nothing will happen, things are getting worse, it would appear. And the sucky thing is I had all these horsocopes the past few days telling me how this was such a great time for progress, how I'd be strong and in possession of great mental acuity and could really make things happen. But it's all been foiled by forces outside my control.

Site Manager is an Aries too, those were HIS horoscopes. Grrrr....

I even got stuck opening a huge pile of incoming mail, right next to the Manager (M) in question yesterday, after that Floor Meeting. I had my Walkman on, listening to Moby Underground, early Moby techno, Rave stuff, sounding like gay disco, cranked kind of loud, and I'd catch (M) saying something to me, turn down the volume, as she stood next to me, like a few inches from me really, opening, and I had taken the chair, sitting comfortably, sort of moving around in my chair, "I'm sorry, what did you say?", and she would say, "Oh, I didn't know you were listening to the radio", and I'd say, "Yes, but I can hear you too". So she'd talk to Kukla, "K, you coming to our house tonight? We haven't seen you in a while..."

I'd defer to her, (M), "What should we do with THIS?, I've never seen anything like this before?", waiting for her to admit her ignorance, and she'd defer to the Supervisor, "What do you guys do with these?", and I'd get a kick out of hearing the Supervisor make something up because she would die before saying, "I don't know". And later, when checking for more mail, the beginning of our fight the other day being that I forgot to check a mail source on the opposite of the suite, (M) said she'd found some more over there, and I said, "Oh yeah, you know you never can tell when they'll add more, I wish there was some kind of alarm or something to let us know that mail is there, or maybe if they could just move that crate closer to our side of the building, it would make more sense, we could check it more often", feeling really sort of devilish and snarky, but without appearing so at all, so she'd never know how manipulative I was being, and she said, "We can look into that".

Last night I came home and cooked Italian sausage with zucchini and red, yellow and green bell pepper, and shiitakes, added a touch of chicken broth, olive oil, for flavor, some fresh torn basil leaves, and black pepper, a soupcon of salt, served over some orrechiete, which I'm not sure I like as much as I wanted. It was too thick. I wanted really thin pasta. But I like the shape. I ate two bowls. Drank two glasses of Pinot Grigio, settled in to watch "Under the Influence" on IFC, a look at film in the '70s, and, as it was part III in a series, a look at where film is headed, and an appreciation for the continuation of the artists' vision, through Independent Films. Yeah! Right on! (fist raised - not really this time, but yeah, I agree)

Then, I thought I'd watch "The Conversation" all the way through, as I've yet to see the whole film, and still, I've yet to see the whole film. It's very slow, it's sort of plodding, I'd say, and I could find no background on Gene Hackman's character, no reasons for why he was so paranoid and solitary. Maybe if I ever see the whole thing, I'll get it. But an hour into it I had to lie down, and had to close my eyes, and I slept for an hour, woke to see the very end, then switched to 11:00 news, then slept more, then woke up to Martha Stewart, as she was infiltrating my dreams, watched some of her, or listened, then fell back to sleep, woke at 6:00 to wash up and go to bed.

And now, I'd like to make some coffee, but I have dishes completely covering the counter and the sink. No room to function means it's finally time to load up the CD changer and hit 'random' and crank it, wash away.

Tonight, Sandy and I were supposed to get together, mainly so I could share some of the Bush Lies, Who Dies? stickers with him, but also to talk, and maybe see a movie, but he seems to have forgotten, and I'm not really in the mood.

In cat news, I've once again decided to try to switch the girls to Science Diet Senior. They've been Seniors for years, but the Senior food was too fatty, they gained too much weight, but that was years ago we tried it, so we're going to try again. We'll mix it at first, then we'll do a total switch, and then we'll see. I guess I was picturing taking G in for her lipomas, having the vet reprimand me for not vaccinating them anymore, which was a personal and educated choice, but I didn't want also to be berated for not feeding them the proper food. This was the impetus anyway.

Oh, thinking of words like reprimand and berated, Ms Bulldog mentioned my Manager (M) belittling me, which is so funny she used that word because that's the word the Supervisor used in her 'write up' letter, about me, said I belittled my Manager. Well, it was about time someone belittled her back, that's all I'm sayin'!!!!

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