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Saturday, Dec. 05, 2009 / 1:07 a.m. ~As Seen From Outer Space~ This morning, first thing, or just after, I thought about how I would prefer the day to go, how I would like to begin, how I could drink my coffee, and take my freshly energized brain, rustling to life with thoughts aplenty (yes, aplenty), and sit to write once the cats are fed, and the waking feels permanent. I would pick any number of topics, and expound, and that would be the productive portion, the rest left to chance, whim, and whimsy. This morning, first thing, or thereabouts, it was cellular telephone technology, and how long before I hopped on that bandwagon, how very crowded the bandwagon already was, but the room for more, and the reasons why, and then not only that, because one topic always leads to another when the coffee kicks in. This morning, first thing, or maybe it's usually in the shower, but might not have been today, I thought about how when one is engaged, involved, busy, not even thinking, just living one's life, one doesn't think of the changes, the changes are not notable, nor noticeable, they are there, beneath the surface, but it can take years to really see. Vision is clouded with the living. So this morning, after a while, with coffee doing its thing, synapses firing on all cylinders, I thought of the changes, and my own life changes, as I am wont to do, how monumental they all have been, though in the slow motion that is living through them, living inside and all around them, there is an insane sameness that only I can see. Reflection, introspection, overall examination and intense navel gazing over the years produce different results, and all is clear. This morning I saw it all. I noted each change, and thought how very large and how very many they are, how very different it all really is, I am, everything is, every last bit, how nothing is the same, how change has occurred, some very very big, life changing change, and yet in the overall scheme it can sometimes feel exactly the same. This morning it was clearer, I had more of a grasp on it, broke it down into details, but now it is very late, and in the hour before needing to lose consciousness it feels like a gauzy haze covers that clarity, only a general concept remaining. Change occurred, a lot of it, and I can break it down into years, three, or four, maybe five, let's say five, for the sake of discussion. Tonight the question people like to ask, "Where do you see yourself in the next five years?" could be asked of myself, my five years ago self, and I would never say this, not this exactly, though you see it seems much the same. Details are far different. And what in ten years? I cannot fathom a guess, nor hazard an estimate. The future is unknowable, just as our past - did any of it really happen, or was it all a dream? This morning's caffeinated clarity, and desire to expound was born of thoughts of changes, and how monumental and very many they have been, them all, and yet how living in the midst of them, well, none of us can see it. Tonight I think I can draw an analogy: we are actually animals, a species evolved over thousands of years, tens of thousands even, living on a planet in a vast solar system, and on this planet we spin rapidly around with it, and it spins around a sun, along with other planets, and stars all 'round, and none of us has any idea why. And within the microcosmos of it all, the daily minutiae seem so very much the same, day after day, but when we fly to the moon and look back on ourselves, we see how it's just a big blue ball after all. This morning, first thing, or a bit after really, this all came out rather differently in my head, the history of my cell phone usage, the various upgrades, the cats, the loss, the changes, the new cat, the new car, the new diet, the new life, the huge and vast and enormous changes I have made, the different person I see now that I am, and older, so much older, the aging, the changes, so many changes. But now it's all reduced to a lot of teeny specks on a big blue ball, as seen from outer space. Cost of the War in Iraq
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Recent Entries: It Was 40 Years Ago Today - 9:44 a.m. , Friday, Oct. 12, 2012 Dead Black Cat - 9:07 a.m. , Wednesday, Jan. 25, 2012 As Seen From Outer Space - 1:07 a.m. , Saturday, Dec. 05, 2009 I Survived to Tell the Tale - 7:29 a.m. , Friday, Sept. 18, 2009 Reading My Life - 12:55 p.m. , Saturday, Sept. 12, 2009 
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