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Monday, Nov. 10, 2003 / 2:44 p.m. ~Really Boring Stuff~ So I log on, first time since yesterday morning, and I hear Norman throwing up in the next room. Oh joy. She seems to somehow always get that urge to upchuck (you ever say that?, upchuck?) when I've just begun something, and usually it involves feeding myself. But we're okay. She's okay. It was not much of anything really. I think having lunch with Q really fucked with me. My neck suddenly hurts, feels like someone took my head and twisted it all the way around and let it snap back, leaving behind a horrible achiness. And I'm having trouble typing, can't seem to hit the right keys, and I'm cranky, all of this is all of a sudden, so I'm blaming it on her vibe, which is seldom good. She reeks of bad vibeness. I had to get the stupid video tape from the woman at work who views my tapes, and she doesn't have a phone at her cube, barely has a cube (different department), so I usually just do the exchange when I see her, and Friday I left early and didn't seek her out, and neither did she me, so she gave the tape to Jane, and stupid long story, but not so much really, Q told me she had it, or it was left at my desk, so I had to get it before now, before 3:00 actually, to tape the illustrious and long running "Guiding Light". Alas, Q and I made plans to break bread. She talked way too much about work, about people cleaning out their desks, and packing, and H. asking if she'd talked to me, saying AGAIN that she's 'worried' about me. And why? Why is she worried? And H. told Q that the two of them are the only two leaving, that everyone else is staying in some capacity, but I know better. Site Dude told me some will think they're staying, but it's only through the busy season, then they're out too. It all sounds so horrible, especially H., our Supervisor, telling Q she's 'worried' about me. Why on earth? Really. Seriously. What the fuck? I didn't want to hear it, I wanted to sit and eat my yummy Southwest Chargrilled Chicken Salad in peace, maybe talk weather, or "Joe Millionaire" or anything but. My novel even, why didn't she ask about my novel? And she's so damned hard of hearing she screams instead of talking, and I have to shout back. The food was good, the weather is delightful, but now I'm in pain and I'm cranky. Plus, she has this horrible air freshener in her car, and it stinks, and yeah. Maybe I'm allergic to her and all her scents and her loudness and her bad vibeness. So, that was less than an hour really, and before that I slept late, as this is one of my two days off here, but after our lunch I went to KMart to particpate in the shopping frenzy that is their weekly sale, but they had shit for sale merchandise, only like five or six of what I was looking for, some nice new flannel sheets, and not the design pictured in the sale circular, so fuck that. They also had some horrible gospel music (not that I like any gospel music, but this was awful) BLARING from the speakers. Not exactly a good atmosphere. I think I couldn't wait to come back home. It feels weird to be out and about during the day on a week day anyway. Even when I spent a couple years not working I didn't go shopping in the middle of the day on week days. I basically never went out before 5:00 or 6:00 p.m. anyway. I'm a night person by nature, so this is all weird. I feel weird. I got through the full moon and lunar eclipse and hexagonal conjunction or whatever just fine, but now that I'm amidst the actual days off portion of the program and I know all this shit is going down at work, and packing already?, jesus!, but it all feels too strange. Yes, yes, I've considered packing too. In fact, before I got up today I was half dreaming, half thinking again of logistics, and can I take my filing cabinet, as I have the key after all. And what will I need, and I want my coat hook, the one that hangs on the cubicle wall, but I've wanted out of that place altogether, why should I be so excited about sitting in yet another cube? See? I don't want to be thinking about any of this. I'd rather be cleaning out my closet, or cleaning my bathroom, even scrubbing my toilet. I'd rather be cleaning Norman's vomit off the carpet than sitting around with Q hearing her tell of mumblings and grumblings in the department. And why doesn't she get to stay and Jane does? And how is it that Jane is staying and she said on Friday that she's gone at the end of the month? And etc., etc. Jane lied. Okay. Move on. Why are you leaving, Q? Because you stutter and stumble on the phone, because you have no memory and can't follow procedures as a result, because you're very negative at work, and this is not appreciated. I said it's not based on seniority, it's based on job performance, without trying to sound rude. How does one say that? Q, they're letting you go because you sort of suck at the job. And H. is going for the same reason. They're keeping me because I'm good. My neck is killing me. I need to write in my novel. Yesterday I wrote zero words, the day before over four thousand. I know if I just open the file and start it flows, it's not hard, and it's not terrible, though it's not good either, but I do want to finish, I really do. Yesterday was fairly active for me, hence not logging on to write, or read, or anything really. I actually got up early for a Sunday, showered and washed my hair, got dressed and went to the recycling center to unload my car. I still love it, always will. And on a Sunday, all the people right there with me, silently putting the green glass in the green glass containers, and same with clear and brown, separating plastics according to frost or opacity, or clarity. And telephone books, corrugated cardboard, aluminum and steel cans. Mmmmm... feels so good. So dutiful and right. Beautiful weather as well, cool and sunny. Sweatshirt weather. In fact, I have one on now. I drove from ATM to ATM too, terribly exciting, I know, but the first had paper all jammed and stuffed into the envelope feeder thing, so I couldn't make my deposit. The one intown had a dog there at the drive thru, attached to a woman on foot. Then post offices, trying to find one with an early pickup, as I'd forgotten my cable bill was due. More excitement, I know, but this all entailed a lot of driving around, and after an hour or so of stopping and starting in intown Sunday traffic, I could not wait to get out of that damned car, and ended up at the post office by the job anyway - what's with these postal pickups of noon and 2:00? 6:30 a.m. is more like it, thank you. This is the most boring entry I've ever written. Suffice to say that the driving around yesterday and the "GL"s I watched on tape all sort of put me to sleep. The trip to the grocery store too, all errands all the time. Sleepy. I passed out on the sofa with a couple cats around 10:00, woke up around 4:00 in the morning and watched a movie on IFC, then the rest of the "GL" tape. Never even got online. Whee. Now is different, I have a lot of writing to do, and it's a beautiful day so that is tempting, I'm in the mood to get out and about, maybe to a movie, who knows, maybe not, maybe I'll stay in. I need to shake off that lunch though, so whatever it takes. And I need to play the lottery tomorrow because I don't want to ever go back to that job, not in any capacity. Oh, one other thing, I signed up for a Kucinich mailing list, email that is, and I'm being bombarded. I think I must go remove my email address. I want to support the guy, I do, but I don't want people clogging my inbox with their crap. On the food front? I just have to say that Stouffer's has a chicken pot pie out, a frozen pie that is microwaveable, which is nice, even if the fumes from the carton cooking are weird, if not horribly toxic and cancer causing, and tastes far superior to the Marie Callendar. So who knew? I ate that last night whilst watching "Pee Wee's Big Adventure" for the kajillionth time, even though the cable synopsis only gave it two stars, which is just fucked up right there. Cost of the War in Iraq
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