|
Tuesday, Nov. 05, 2002 / 1:21 p.m. ~Containing the Rest~
It wasn't anything, really, just a release. I like to write exactly what I'm feeling. It's a compulsion as much as documentation is a compulsion.
I tried the dress on, before I went to bed, and it looks horrible on me. The colors are all wrong, the cinched bodice, it looks awful. I stood in front of the mirror, wearing it, and I thought, She didn't choose this for me. She chose it, for someone, then she remembered she'd forgotten my birthday, decided to send it along to me. As a gift. I know how she is. She gives away gifts other people give to her. A sort of gift recycling. I don't really play that game, but she does, and she's not alone, I no longer fault her for it. But I also no longer see her, nor speak to her.
It's intermittently raining, hard pouring rain. Coffee's given me energy, but it has nowhere to go, no direction. I can hear Quincey's radio from here, three cubes away. I have my new CD, "Genetic World" by Telepopmusik, but it's short, it's almost over the next time I put on headphones, press 'play'. I like it, a lot. The vocalist reminds me of Billie Holiday. And there is a lot of 'background noise' added, pops and scratches like vinyl. Funny that people add that in now, now that CDs, digital, it's all become so sterile-sounding. To me, it's a distraction, it's out of place, a bit too obvious, but I appreciate the effort.
So, this DeepDiscountCD.com is a good deal for new CDs, ordered without leaving one's chair. $12.97, from click to mailbox. No shipping. No hassle. No driving around. I think if you know what you want, exactly, shopping online is the way to go. Unless you live someplace, some urban mecca, like NYC, with quaint and cute and hip little shops that are fun to just be in. Actually, we have a little "Village"-like area here, intown, but it's become too pretentious over the years. Too too. I choose to stay away, do my shopping online.
For the record, and there is one, but I'll bring it out again, I'll open the file, I'll show you the record, Mark (aka "Big Jim") is my pal. My bud. My sometime confidante. My good friend. We've had a strained relationship, but it's okay now. Has its limits, has its discomfort, awkwardness, but it is what it is. A friendship. No real need to clarify, except for a recent query, or a prodding joke actually. No, Big Jim and I will not be getting married, nor dating. We're buds. He happens to be a male heterosexual and I a female heterosexual, but what a lot of people don't realize is that this fact, these facts, do not necessitate sexual consummation. Nor marriage, love, or even dating.
Hermione is my friend as well, so to speak, partially, and in a way. Long distance. And we're fading fast. Email from her is a quote of my previous, with a brief sentence at the very bottom. I have to scroll to find it. I've been wanting to let her go for years, and this distance is helping.
Here's how my mind works: my next thought was, "I can't wait to get the other CDs I ordered!"
Callous? Rude? Thoughtless? Not really, I glanced over at my Telepopmusik CD (I love the cover, by the way) and it's what occurred to me.
I also listened to Joni Mitchell's "Turbulent Indigo" this morning. A really nice, polished, well-produced CD. I'm not sure they're her best songs, but they're indicative of a period. Her writing is so autobiographical. I love songwriters like that. Whatever they're feeling, whatever is going on in their lives, it becomes their music. Loudon Wainwright III is another perfect example of that. Great song on "Turbulent Indigo" is "Sex Kills":
All these jackoffs at the office Bleak, but I like it. The CD liner notes are filled with examples of her paintings. She's not only a singer/songwriter, but a fantastic artist, has been for years. I love Joni Mitchell.
Almost time for lunch. Thank god, I need a change of pace. I'm flooded with hormones, bleeding out, part of me is exiting, draining, and the rest just struggles to contain what's left.
Cost of the War in Iraq
(JavaScript Error)
Recent Entries: It Was 40 Years Ago Today - 9:44 a.m. , Friday, Oct. 12, 2012 Dead Black Cat - 9:07 a.m. , Wednesday, Jan. 25, 2012 As Seen From Outer Space - 1:07 a.m. , Saturday, Dec. 05, 2009 I Survived to Tell the Tale - 7:29 a.m. , Friday, Sept. 18, 2009 Reading My Life - 12:55 p.m. , Saturday, Sept. 12, 2009 
  |