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Sunday, Mar. 03, 2002 / 5:58 p.m. ~Crazy Movies Come on at 4:00 in the Morning~ I suppose I spent a great deal of yesterday trying to analyze my reaction to the brunch, Anna's and Guenter's reactions to me leaving, thinking about schnitzel, wanting more, and trying to find food substitutes here, in my apartment. Microwave popcorn and a Banquet turkey dinner were what I chose. I tried to watch "Oliver's Story" on the WE channel, but it was too horrible. Candace Bergen? No thank you. After watching "Love Story" Friday night, for maybe the millionth time, I realized I just can't see Oliver Barrett IV with anyone but Ali McGraw. Also, I was overly disturbed by the fact that the movie picks up where the previous one left off, but it was filmed some seven or eight years later, so everyone looks older, paunchier, and they got a different actor to play Jenny's father, and Oliver's college roommate too. My downstairs neighbors slam their door. Every time they need to close it. SLAM! My whole apartment shakes. Someone just slammed it three times in a row. I almost screamed. I'm close to screaming. Or crying. I am in tremendous pain. I have horrible, horrible cramps. I hate menstruating. I want my reproductive organs removed. Take it all. Take the vagina, I never use it, take the uterus, the ovaries, the goddamned fallopian tubes. I don't need any of it, all it does is cause me pain. Leave me my clitoris and I'll be happy. I slept all day. Oh, should I back up? Yes, I tried to watch "Oliver's Story", but it was awful. So, I watched "Absolute Power", and it was good. Mostly. Clint Eastwood acting his age. Old. Good story, mostly. I'd seen part of it before, but like so many movies I watch from the sofa, or from my bed, I'd fallen asleep, so this time I watched it all. Entertaining. Then, "Diamonds Are Forever", and after the tryptophan in the Banquet turkey dinner, well, the usual ensued. I fell asleep before it was over. I'm beginning to wonder if I've ever seen any Bond film beginning to end. Yes, I own that one too, and I could pop it in the VCR if I wanted to catch the end, but I've seen them all thousands of times, so now it's fun to fall asleep and wake up to the news, or whatever. I stayed on the sofa, cats jumping on and off me, for hours, woke finally and went to bed, watching the end of Audrey Hepburn in "The Nun's Story". Wow, it's pretty heavy to decide to leave the convent.....worse than divorce. After all, you're divorcing God. So there was this movie on, "Montenegro", a Swedish film, from 1981, starring Susan Ansbach, and I can't remember why she was famous for 15 minutes - wasn't she married to someone famous?? But, in the movie, she plays a bored housewife, married to some Swedish man who travels for his business, which is selling some widget to companies around the world, making millions of dollars or something, and she has these two kids she doesn't seem to care about, and she doesn't seem to care about anything really. She is crazy, eats all the schnitzel after she cooks it (what were the chances of me eating schnitzel at that brunch, then seeing someone cook it in a movie filmed in Sweden???!!!), she sets the bed on fire, she almost poisons the dog, on purpose ("I know you're a wise dog, so if I put poison in your milk - who gives a fucking dog milk?! - you won't drink it, right?"), then decides to leave the kids with the crazy grandfather and follow her husband to Brazil. But, at Customs, they confiscate her gardening shears. This is way pre-9/11! Way! But she's a freak, and the Customs agents frisk her longingly, and there's a Yugoslavian girl there, also being held, for trying to bring in a goat leg, and moonshine, and the girl hooks up with the crazy bored Susan Ansbach, and they meet up with Alexi and go to Zanzi Bar and get crazy drunk, and Susan Ansbach falls in lust with the beautiful Serbian, whose life she saves after he engages in a shovel battle with another drunk. Oh, we get to see the Serbian take a shower, and there is a closeup of him washing his genitals. Cool! I love full frontal male nudity. Men are so beautiful, well, some anyway, and this guy......whoa! The lighting was really nice, but the setting was bizarre, he lives, showers, sleeps in this distillery, butchers meat and cooks in the Bar by night, takes care of the monkeys at the zoo by day. This was a bizarre movie. As I watched it I questioned myself watching it. From 4:00 a.m. to 6:00 a.m. I asked myself, "Why am I watching this?". So, the other girl from Customs, the one who was smuggling, is a hooker or something, talks about fucking the foreigners for money, and she does this exotic dance in the Bar, totally nude, stretching, bending, dancing, and this big dildo comes after her, attached to a radio operated toy tank. The climax (hehe) is when she plops down upon it. Da daaaa! She was exceptionally beautiful, and this was not some sleazy soft core porn film, it was just some weird scene in some even weirder film. The crazy bored housewife finally has sex with the beautiful Serbian butcher/zookeeper, and leaves to go back home to her husband, who is now involved with the shrink he hired to diagnose his wife, and some woman with whom they both take turns dancing, drunkenly, in white bathrobes, and the two children and the crazy grandfather. As the crazy bored housewife leaves Zanzi Bar, we see the beautiful Serbian lying in the shower, the water running over him, bloody water, and we can only surmise that she has killed him, because.....because she is fucking crazy. She goes home and feeds everyone dinner at the table, the daughter, the son, the crazy grandfather, the husband, the husband's new friend the shrink, feeds everyone a grape or something, with her fingers, and a sentence appears over the screen...."The.....Fruit.......Is......Poisoned" then "This...Was....A...True...Story", while some Abba-sounding music plays. I don't know. "Montenegro". Crazy movie. But, oh, the Serb, soaping his privates, yeah, that was good. Fuck me, I have these horrible cramps, did I write that already?! So, I slept all day, after sleeping on the sofa, waking to watch that movie, then sleeping, not wanting to be vertical, not wanting to bleed, not wanting to be alive, to do chores, to have a Sunday, just lying, spooning with Gladys, she following me as I tossed from right side to left side, and back again. My alarm clock suddenly ticking REALLY loudly, since yesterday, me hiding it behind the other pillow on the bed. Finally, up, gravity taking over, pain, agony, tired, hot, cranky, yelling at Norma for knocking over a pile of stuff, not because she continually knocks it over, this pile, but because it's there in the first place, and why? One of those self-loathing moments taken out on a cat instead of me. Onward. How will I ever sleep tonight? Now my schedule is all wonky. And I need to find a way to ask D., the Supervisor, if I can leave early to go see Anthony Bourdain on Wednesday. I could leave directly from work, at 6:00, but I anticipate a crowd, so I'd like to leave early, but I know she is going to give me shit. I don't want to tell her my plans, just ask to leave early. But she is a total bitch lately, well, always, so I don't know. I'm worrying. I'm in pain, in bursts, bursts of pain, and I'm worrying, and I'm depressed, and I feel weird about yesterday, still, guilty for leaving, but how long should I have stayed? Must brunch last more than an hour? How does one attend a party at 11:00 in the morning anyway? That's crazy. And now I'm hungry, and I'm still thinking about that schnitzel.......I need food, but I haven't shopped. Ergh. (By the way, I think I am in the early stages of Alzheimer's. Yeah, that's my new thing. I can't remember things, even things I just told myself to remember. And I call things by the wrong name, all the time. Really. You know the "peony throw" I write about? I grab it, and a couple cats, and sleep on the sofa...well, it's not peonies, I mean, those aren't peonies, they're pansies. What is my deal? It never was a "peony" throw, it's a "Pansies Throw", and no, this is not the catalog where I got it, but this catalog has it too, and I recommend it, it's attractive, it's flowery, it's cozy and warm, but they're not fucking peonies, peonies are totally different. Jesus.) Cost of the War in Iraq
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