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Tuesday, Apr. 16, 2002 / 7:04 p.m. ~Does Equal Employment Opportunity Include the Psychotic and Deranged?~ I wasn't going to sit here now and do this, write, even be online, no, I have things to do, I can't be sitting in front of this monitor every single night, but I thought, Well, I'll just log on, just check my email..... it'll at least be on, the monitor always has to warm up (I'm not kidding), I'll just log on and leave it on, etc., but then I came in here and looked at my Yahoo! start page, which is crap lately because they have these elaborate banner ads that use all this flash and they eat up memory and slow my computer down and earlier I had to do a control+alt+delete jobbie (yes, jobbie) because it froze (that was at lunch), anyway, so I'm refreshing the page, just so I can get my horoscope and see that yes, Robert Urich did indeed die, and hey, wasn't he really sick anyway?, but holy moly, Benjamin Bratt got married! (men have this thing, trust me, once they're in a long term relationship with a woman, like living together and everything, and they break up, the woman leaves, they can't function on their own, it's documented, they get married almost immediately after, I'm not kidding, look into it), but Jesus, look at my horoscope!: Rumors and office politics cause emotional issues to cloud the truth in career matters today. This may cause anger to boil up while you're on the job. Try counting to ten before losing it, dear Aries. Chances are you need to look into the facts before accepting what you hear at face value. The situation could be totally different than it seems. Channel some of that energy into accomplishing wonders. Today you have what it takes! Okay, now there's coincidence and there's some spooky shit and this falls into the latter category. Let me just say, I take nothing at face value. And I'll tell you the truth, and when everyone in my department is killed in a murderous rampage you will say, "Oh wow, that Joleen was right about that crazy Listerine woman she worked with." Listerine is a freak. She is borderline, if not on the line, psychotic. I'm not kidding. She has displayed maniacal characteristics and clearly has lost any grip she ever may have had on reality. She has paranoid delusions, manufactures her own reality, to suit her, and reacts to situations over which she fears she has no control in a demented manner, angrily, violently, and this was not the last of it, oh no. So, I got called in again, to M's office, with the little blonde white woman, the Site Manager, once again present, to be asked if I said this on Friday: "I'm gonna get you on Monday". Um, no, I said no such thing. Whew, thank god she didn't hear me calling her the 'spawn of the devil', because I did call her that! :) Not enough people use the ever-popular smiley emoticons in their diaries. Turns out Penelope is really upset that Listerine lied about what she said too. So, we know List is a liar, point taken. We know she thinks "everyone is out to get her". Why ______ Outsourcing Division wants to keep her employed is beyond me. In fact, it's fucking freaky as hell. We had a big meeting after I denied flatly the threat remark. "We think that could be perceived as a threat", "Oh yes! I do too! Holy Fuck, I did NOT say that, who are you kidding? I called her Devil spawn, I never threatened her!". No, I didn't say that, but I wanted to. In the big meeting, we all met. That's what meetings are for, to meet. And meet we did. The whole team, the Manger (M), D., the Supervisor, and the small blonde white woman, the Site Manager, who's a Leo, and you know Martha Stewart, right? You don't fuck with blonde Leo women. Oooooooo, sometimes I LOVE a good stereotype. Right, so there we are, in this small room, the team, and management, and we are talked to and talked to, and rhetoric is used, plenty of double talk, and something that I just KNOW came out of some book the Site Manager probably still has in her office, something like How To Manage People Effectively, or How To Win Friends and Influence People, or I'm Okay, You're Not, or I Know More Than You Do, or I don't know, but it goes like this: "No one was right, and no one was wrong, everyone was right and everyone was wrong". Cute, huh? Has a nice ring to it? And I was thinking, oh, you are so wrong, Listerine is a fucking freak and she is going to come in one day and kill us all and you'll be sorry, yeah, you'll be sorry then, won't you? Oh, we were wrong to be playing balloon volleyball, which I denied, oh, come on, it was fun, it's not that unprofessional, d'ya think? And we were told to help Listerine become more comfortable approaching those of us whom she is uncomfortable approaching. And don't interfere with those voices she's hearing in her head either...... And the next time she picks up scissors, make sure all your arms and legs are out of reach of her cubicle. It was such a fucking joke, I'm not kidding, and I can't even begin to paraphrase all of it, it was just too fucking funny. And no other word besides fuck can be used here quite so liberally to describe the irony of all it, and still, I can't believe they're refusing to let her go. Why? What hold does she have over them? If I were an employer, and you'd better be glad I'm not, I'd never keep someone around who displayed violent tendencies, and who had such intense problems working with others! Are you crazy? It's a recipe for trouble. I really wish I could sit here, this stupid keyboard propped across my thighs, and type the situation, the meeting, type it all out in an intelligent, coherent, cohesive, yet witty and complete way, but I'm trying to get back to my "Guiding Light" on tape, and it's good now, it's one of those Soap Opera-y plots, you know, the jealous stalker woman has faked her suicide, come back from the "dead" and his holding the wife of the law professor with whom she slept one time, but whom she is convinced loves her, though he certainly does not, she's a fucking freak!, hostage. The wife, hostage, is that clear? Every single woman on soaps ends up wacko at some point or another, single, married, and if you have sex with a married man you'll end up pregnant or psychotic or something..... hey, like Listerine! Oh wow. It was bizarre. Here's my favorite part of the M/Site Manager meeting today, "We're not taking this lightly"! Wheeeeeee!!!!! Um, excuse me, but isn't that what you said when I screamed RACIAL HARASSMENT!? one year ago? When I told you I'd consult my lawyer, when you asked me what you should do and I said, "You need to do the right thing"? Remember, you assured me, and is it written in that same book that had the line about everyone being wrong and no one being wrong (HUH?)? "We're not taking this lightly". Hmmmmmmm..... isn't that interesting. Oops, today, when I heard it again, I broke into a large smirk and my arms naturally crossed themselves across my stomach. Unh huh... I see.... is that right?.... oh yeah..... damn, you're good people, you really are. We have 104 chances to win the Big Game tonight!!!!!!!!! Two separate pools. I had to change subjects. And, if all goes well, there is some excellent TV viewing to be had this evening, I just ate that Adobo Chicken Burrito I bought last night, and it was damned good, and I'm still hungry and I have some Charles Chips, which I love, so I may belly up to the old salt lick and have at it. And, will I make the effort to help poor, poor Listerine at work? To be kind, to help her overcome her psychoses? Are you mad????!!!!!! She's a fucking freak, I'm telling you, I told you before, and the very fact that I forgave her, I got past what she did to me, I even have been quite cordial to her, and still, she stabs my balloon with scissors, then lies about the response (WE attacked HER?! I had to add today that the response she got was due to our shock at her violent reaction - "Clearly, it's not about the balloon... the balloon was a catalyst", Laverne says over and over, "But I know I wasn't there, I didn't see it", then shut the fuck up!) she got, well, I'm through. Oh, no second chances, even with me, Ms Forgiveness herself. That woman makes me want to run and hide every time I get a glimpse of her, every time I hear her horrible shredded wheat voice, or is it Cracklin' Bran? That chronic bronchitis liquid wood chips voice. How do you spell the sound one makes when overcome with heebie jeebies? Insert that here. Alright, things to do, soap opera psychos to watch, and soon I have to get back on track with my worrying about Friday's road trip. I need to shift gears here. But man, you should've been there, I should've taped that meeting today, you'd laugh, you'd cry, you'd write to your Congressperson, you'd flip out, you'd call your lawyer, you'd enroll in law school, you'd, you'd, you'd.... advise me to get out and off my lazy ass and get a new job. Aw, but that's work, man, that's too hard....... ;) There, a smiley for the road, and that one's winkin' at ya! Cost of the War in Iraq
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