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Saturday, Jul. 27, 2002 / 6:16 p.m. ~Email Confirmation~ Fresh email from Stephanie. The photo is on its way. And it looks better as a print than a .jpg, she says. We'll see about that. She says, "Damn, why did I have to fall in love with him?", after I'd just written the same thing in one of my paper journals, really only minutes before. It sort of validated my own feelings. Made me realize it's okay, that I have fallen in love, and she and I are not the only ones. But there's not much we can do about it. I've even been 'lovesick'. Oh yes. Horribly depressed. Really, really bad depressed. Not eating. Not caring. I'm trying to get over it, to get past it, to rationalize it, to see it from different angles, from his point of view, from the objective outsider's point of view, from Stephanie's point of view, from the point of view of the few women on the message boards who've described what we feel because they feel it too. And I realized there aren't as many as I'd thougt. But those few of us are extremely vocal, very prolific in our writing, we can hardly stop. We know he reads the boards, so maybe we're all just vying. For attention, his or anyone else's. But holy moly the dude is busy. Area 2 starts tomorrow in D.C. That would be fun to go to. Nothing else really is going on. I listened to the Dirty Vegas CD again today, danced around my living room. I really LOVE it, and it's good to love something new and different. Other than that, I have plans to do some 'chores', some cleaning, change my sheets, clean the bathroom, wash dishes and try to unclog my sink, without garbage disposal since it is clearly broken. Food must figure in there somewhere, but I don't know where. I only have crap to eat here, at home, but when I think of procuring food I get confused. I know what I should eat, but I don't want to shop, I don't want to spend my money, as if I'm afraid I'll need it for something else. I'm not taking care of myself properly. And I know this. I don't need anyone to point anything out to me because I can see it all already. I'm so glad I met Stephanie, even if I never see her again. We made a little connection, and now if we can share this mutual ridiculousness, this love for an idol, well, it's a bond. We can be stupid together. Via email. Cost of the War in Iraq
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