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Wednesday, Sept. 18, 2002 / 7:07 p.m. ~Bonus Entry!!! Erronea Jones and the Most Propitious Horoscope~ I think I read at least three horoscopes a day. That's three daily horoscopes, for one sign, mine, Aries. And each is usually totally different. This is fun, I think, and adds to the challenge of trying to figure out the air, the energy, on any given day. I don't believe any of them, it's purely for entertainment purposes that I read them, that I ponder, and that I go a little crazy for a moment or two trying to figure them out, each one on its own. Does Cainer ever really know what he's talking about? He's a flake. Hell, he's English. Crazy, English wack job with his own web site...... and how much did I pay for his 'astrological forecast'??? Oh, never mind that. And Yahoo!, why is there that exclamation mark anyway? Is it still there? Where does that horoscope come from, and how come it's the same several days in a row.... sometimes? For which day of those several days is it actually intended? Ack! How do I know what my day will bring if each day it says that I need time to myself, or it will be a good day for romance? Face it, there is no romance here, so if it says romance I know it's wrong. Every person born between March 21st and April 20th cannot possibly have the same sort of day on any given day anyway. I know this. I am semi-bright. And Sydney Omarr...... didn't I hear he died years ago? How does he still write those yearly horoscope books? And why do I keep buying them? Fun. I said it before. Yahoo!'s horoscope for me today says I should start writing, my novel, my children's story, or my autobiography. I joked with Mark that I would indeed start it, it, the book that will be a combination of all three! An autobiographical children's novel. Um, it was a joke. I also said it would be filled with erronea. Which is my new word. It's a group of erroneous things. Many erroneous statements, or erroneous, er, things, I don't know, but lumped together they would become erronea. It's a pretty word, I think. It could be a child's name. I know! The adventures of Erronea Milquetoast. Oh no, if I start bandying about ideas here someone will steal them, publish her own autobiographical children's novel, starring one Erronea Milquetoast, and I will never achieve the fame and fortune awaiting me. Because it will no longer be a-waiting. Dammit. I should turn to my paper journal in times of creativity, bursts, as my Yahoo! horoscope indicates this might very well be. Erronea Jones starring in "One Bad MuthaFucka Further". No, wait, Erronea Jones is out for blood this time in "Erronea, Up From the Projects and Down in the 'Real World'"..... yeah, I like it. First episode (suddenly it's a TV screenplay, not an autobiographical children's novel at all), Erronea hooks up with Shane'qua in the crib in Vegas. It's tight, no, it's off the chain. Larni'qoy spots Erronea as the 'dime' she is and instantly goes after her. "Damn, this 'mommy' is fiiiiiinnnnnne!!!" I am really liking this name. Erronea. What about.... Erronea Malloy, the little girl who found only incorrect information on the Interweb. Poor little Erronea, her parents subscribed to AOL so she had to rely on those quickie word searches to get her information, she was constantly misled, she informed her friends of everything the 'boy' in the chat room told her, but they only laughed. Silly Erronea, they said, the USA would never attack a country unprovoked. Poor little Erronea and all her erroneous information. Now I'm forgetting what erroneous means. Isn't that weird how that happens? Use a word over and over again and suddenly you can no longer even spell it. You doubt your own linguistic abilities. Your lingual whatevers. Oh man, earlier, it popped into my head that last night I dreamed I was providing oral services to a man species. Isn't that too weird? It's a blur, but yeah. Total non sequitur. The 'new boy' at work asked me where to direct a third party who is seeking to subpoena employee records, and I thought he said, "Speener". Where do they 'speener' records? "Speener?", I asked, "Speener", he replied. Again, "Speener????", with more question marks this time, I asked, "Subpoena" he finally enunciated. He's from North Carolina, and you know how THEY are up there. !!!!! I laughed and laughed and laughed some more. "SPEENER!!!! TEEEEE HEEEEE HEEEEE, HAAAHHH, HAAAAAH!", etc. Um, I think you had to be there. Yes, yes, there is no YOU. I know, I know. I'm writing to the wind..... I can hear it howling....., no, wait, that's the a/c, which has been working fine, by the way, or btw as the 'kids' say on the Interweb. So, earlier, she takes two black plastic inbox things. Maybe one was an 'in' box, one an 'out' box, but they do look awfully similar, and she takes them, lays them side by side, with a gap in between. "Okay, this is the Old Server, this is the New Server, there are cables between them. This one has a modem in it, and _____ can dial up and see if the calls are getting through. If not, they send them back to the Old Server. But the New Server came with software that is not connecting to the Old Server, and there is a connectivity [sic] issue...." "Oh, I see" (what the fuck is she talking about?) "Do you see what I'm saying?" "Wait, you have to show Kukla, Laverne and Quincey (not to be confused with Kukla Fran and Ollie)! They haven't seen your demonstration yet. You can use your Tupperware containers next time!!! It'll be great." I turn to the 'new boy', "Now you see, this glue stick is the New Server, and this phone cord is the Old Server....", and he says, "Will you just answer my question, are the phones up or not?", and I say, "Okay, look, this is the 'Old Server'....." And I laugh and laugh. Call the employee line and you get the lender line message. Call the lender line and you get the employee message. Whee!!!! No search engine hits, please. Please. PUHLEEEZE. Half an hour 'til BB3. It's almost over, it's almost over, it's almost over....etc. I'll need to cancel that Real One Player thingie. Yeah, it's a thingie, oh, I know, "Super Pass", because it's not all that. Super. Erronea Jones starring in "That's Not My Boyfriend, You Idiot, That's My Pimp!" Co-starring Octavia Jones. And Quincy Jones. And Urethra Jones. And Paul Harvey. I've lost my mind, it's so true. It was in the stars.... the STARS. It's the horoscope. I wonder how my Aries Diaryland buds are faring....... Trouble, Jessica, and Bobby Burgess. My horoscope is their horoscope. Erronea Dalrymple and the Very Bad Day. Make up your own fucking story, you lazy bums. I'll provide the titles and you do the rest. Writing is WORK, WORK I tell you!!! You think I get pleasure from this? Well, yeah, I do, but so what? I do and do and do for you kids, and THIS is the thanks I get? (Thank you, David Letterman and "Late Night" staff writers for that one, an oldie but goodie) I am off now. I must eat more. I am eating to stave off a virus, a virus I fear may already have invaded, may already be raping and pillaging inside my veins. Fucking viruses. Really, I don't think it has, but I have that sore throat ick thing going. I know it's just sitting in that damned draught all day, but who knows for sure...... it's spooky, who DOES know? For sure??? Yikes! Cost of the War in Iraq
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