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Friday, Jul. 17, 2009 / 12:13 a.m. ~She was all cut up~ I've noticed that my dreams come back to me, not necessarily to haunt, but they come back, nightly, the dreams from the morning, or the night before. Last thing, late at night, upon relaxation, for it must be a mind relaxation process, they come to me in flashes, like real life memories, and I realize they are dream memories. What had been forgotten at waking, just that dim residue of emotion, whichever was present in the dream, is suddenly back in a flash of realized memory, a bit of an "Oh!" moment, an "Oh, yes, I remember now!" thing, and it's unbidden, and it is sudden, as I say, and it often startles, and I reach out for the rest, not wanting flashes, starts and stammers, but more, complete sentences of memory, of dream memory, and yet most remains elusive. Yesterday morning's dream was solid though, something I woke with, something which had me replaying it as I got up to pee, looking for my cat to make sure she wasn't really cut up, that her lower half wasn't nearly removed at the spine, her back exposed with a fishbone sort of spine there, and all curled up, meatloaf style, no doubt not feeling her best. I worried, in this dream, knew she needed medical attention, but at the same time could not believe she was living, alive and living despite this "ailment", for lack of a better word. I woke and got up to go to the bathroom, and there she was, fully intact, fine and dandy even, real replacing not so real. That was full and complete, fading in and out as time passed, but as I began writing this I had flashes of feelings, and flashes of memories, and I know they're not real memories, they're old synapses, fired during unconsciousness last night, and yet they confuse until I sort them, figure them out. Tonight I'll close my eyes, and I'll fall asleep instantly, because I generally do, or quickly at least, and when I am awakened by a cat or two, as I always am, I'll only remember for a moment or two where I was, what I was doing, in what alternate "reality" I was living, but tomorrow night... it will all come back, in a flash flood. Or a flood of flashes. Cost of the War in Iraq
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