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Monday, Oct. 14, 2002 / 1:29 p.m. ~Holding It In Tightly~ Right now is me sitting quietly. Trying not to move, not to breathe, not to cough, all I have to do, I'll do anything, not to cough. I coughed all night last night, varying degrees, hacking, phlegmy, choking, can't stop coughing. Eyes watering, tears falling down my face, stomach muscles tensed, whole body coughs. Now is quiet. Today started with coffee and Dayquil. Pseudoephedrine dries it all out. Acetaminophen, Dextromethorphan, and I don't even know how to spell these drugs, but they're potent in my small frame. I came here drugged. I sat with my jacket still on. I slowly did everything I had to do. Everything was watching someone else, not even me, doing everything. Finding the right keys, figuring where to put my fingers, not talking, trying not to talk, trying not to breathe, not to do anything, not to move, and not to cough, anything not to do it, not here, not here where it's quiet and still and smells like a million unnamed chemicals. And I can feel the drugs wearing off, I know they last four hours and then I'm back to where I was, I feel the four hours passing, it's almost gone, I have 15 more minutes of four hours, and I feel it starting in my stomach, I'm suppressing, I'm repressing, I'm trying everything to keep from expressing, no repeat performances please. I talk quietly, no diaphragm involved. It's a wispy sound, I'm surprised it comes out at all. I open my mouth and wait to hear me. The dome in the Greek Orthodox Cathedral's Sanctuary is some 48 feet high, I think 50 feet across, but I have no head for statistics. It's impressive. A mosaic, tiny pieces of colored glass, all affixed, glued, all to form this Byzantine rendering of Jesus Christ, and everyone looks up at it, all jaws drop, it's hard to say anything, anything at all. It reflects the light entering from outside, and I've never seen it at night, never seen what happens to it after dark, but it is a human and holy thing. It demands attention, and it demands reverence, a silence of its own. I took pictures�   Cost of the War in Iraq
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