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Wednesday, Jul. 24, 2002 / 1:18 p.m. ~I Am Ready to Scream it Now! I Met.....~ I think I'm going to survive. When I wrote the previous entry I wanted to keep it all to myself, but I posted all over the message boards at Moby.com, and I've been waking up slowly, figuratively and literally, and now I am ready to scream it, "I MET MOBY!". I rubbed his back. It was so funny!! Me saying to Dawn, "Hurry up and take the picture", until I realized what situation I was in, and that Mo' didn't seem to mind at all, standing there with his arm around me. So I began to rub his back, sort of caress him......and laughed in spite of myself, him still not flinching one bit, and I said, "Actually, take your time". Did I write this here already? I'm lost with it. Stephanie was so funny too. We talked about wanting Moby's love child, standing in the parking lot for hours talking, and she said her mom would kill her. She said she wants to marry him, and I convinced her he does actually want her. She was the one he approached later in the evening. She is approachable, I am not. After talking her up, telling her she has a chance, a real chance, and both of us laughing as Dawn sat in Steph's car, tired of us shushing her for complaining about her sore feet and her sore head, I said, "Actually, Moby came down the steps and walked over to us because he saw my tattoo, he remembered us, we made quite the impression, but I was the one he wanted to talk to again, he couldn't stop thinking about me, but he was too shy to do anything."! He did say he liked my tattoo. The new one, that is, it's fairly striking. In fact, a beautiful lipstick lesbian walked in front of me in the alcohol line, turned and said, "Nice tattoo, I really like it", and I wanted her to want me. Oh, Stephanie and I joked about sex, I won the 'how long has it been?' contest, and she praised electronic devices. They came up from Florida, these two women, Moby.com message board posters, yep, me meeting more people from ye olde Interwebbe. It's nice to put faces to names, it's nice to make people real, and it's nice to feel an instant bond with total strangers. To drink with them, dance with them, touch them, hug them, and stand for hours in a cool, post-rain parking lot talking because you can't stop. Dawn had wanted to leave, "I'm not kidding, my feet really hurt, my head hurts"....."Be quiet!", we said to her. And she pouted. And when Moby walked over to talk to Stephanie and me, when he asked when we were heading back to Florida, not knowing I actually live here, and Stephanie did the talking because I couldn't get words out, Dawn jumped out of the car and said, "Hey, Moby! What are YOU doing here?!", then she asked if she could touch his head, and I said, "Dawn! You are so silly!", but he turned his head to her and she stroked it, said how soft and fuzzy it was, and he closed his eyes, sort of like a dog being patted. It was sweet, and he almost seemed to want to prove me wrong, to show me it was not silly, not at all. It was what he likes. Men with shaved heads want their heads to be felt. Oh yeah. I'm not kidding. Jon was the same way. I told Jon I liked the way his head felt, the same as Dawn did to Moby, all soft and fuzzy, and he said, "That's kind of the point". I couldn't touch him. Stephanie hugged him, Dawn had felt his head, I had rubbed his back earlier, but I was beginning to think he may fear us in some way, that we presented a threat, that he might think us groupies, stalkers, anything, and I didn't want to be too overt, I backed up inside myself. But before he walked away I reached out my hand to him again, and he shook it firmly, but he was quivering just a bit, quavering, wavering, whatever it is, he was just a tad shaky when he touched me this last time. And we saw him still later, walking to his bus, alone, and I said, "There he goes, the big rock star, the man everyone wants, just walking to his tour bus, all alone - let's go with him!", because it seemed we could. Did I mention that I invited Mo' to hang with us? I got that out. I couldn't ask him if he wanted to have sex, but I wanted to, it just didn't seem appropriate in front of Dawn. Stephanie, yes, I suggested we have a threesome, and I think she was up for it. But Moby asked where 'we' were staying (again, he didn't know I live here), and I looked to Stephanie, she told him the hotel and where it was, so I asked if he wanted to hang with us, go swimming at the hotel pool or something (!), and he said they were leaving in 15 minutes. I suppose they were. He plays a show a night, almost. And Area 2 starts on Sunday, the big show with David Bowie and Busta Rhymes! Did I write about the actual show yet? About Moby's energy? How they played a good assortment of old techno/dance music, 'hits' from "Play", plenty from "18" (I asked the guy behind me, one of a gay couple who were very nice to let us in front of them, all smiles, big, big smiles) what his favorite Moby album is and he said, "I'd have to say '19'", and I said, "You mean '18', right?", and Moby fiddled around with his electric guitar, noodling out rock covers, saying how he longs to be in a wedding band, just to get it out of his system, his desire to play cover songs. And he drank orange/carrot juice, joked about what a rock star he is, how really it's orange/carrot flavored Jack Daniels. Funny guy. Did I write about giving him the Mahamantra card? From the Hare Krishnas? I told him to open it, later. Will he? Did he keep it? Stephanie and Dawn assured me he would. "Oh, of course he will! He'll know how much it meant for you to give it to him, it has meaning!", and I explained to them how I've carried it with me for some 12 years, always, either in my purse or my back pocket, dancing in clubs, to hockey games, every time I emptied my purse to take just the essentials, it was right there along with my driver's license and ATM card, my Hare Krishna mantra. Me, the agnostic. I always saw it as good juju, if juju can be good, or Karma, a good sign, an omen, a good luck 'charm', and I wanted him to have it. I wanted Moby to put it in his wallet and carry it with him from now on. I don't want to be cynical, but I can see him tossing it. Maybe not, I don't know how sentimental he is, I don't know that when he looked at me and thanked me, when he paused and really looked at me, that he was intimating anything at all. I'm crazy with this. I really am. At least I know it! If I wrote all of this and didn't stop at some point and say, "Hey, I'm crazy silly with all of this!", you'd worry, wouldn't you? You'd say, "You're one long drive away from stalking, aren't you?". But I can say, "No, actually, this is a day off work and I am reminiscing, I am revisiting the experience, I'm putting some things into words, for my own benefit more than anyone else's, he is in Charlotte, I am here, he is on the road through the end of the year, first this country, this continent, then Asia and Europe, I won't be joining him.....until he asks me to!" Tee hee.... Thank god I took this day off. What a wise move on my part. But how foolish to pay such close heed to my horoscope at Cainer.com, or the one from Astrology.com, to think that love was headed my way, to think all I had to do was be receptive, to let it all come to me, as they said, "they". Silly horoscopes. I tried not to manipulate, I let it come, we simply stayed in that parking lot and he did come to us. Dawn wanted to leave, over and over she bitched and moaned, and Stephanie and I ignored her, said we were waiting, and we didn't know why, and I almost walked away, but said, "You know, if I leave now, if I go to my car, you'll tell me later how if I'd just waited 5 more minutes, I could've seen him again, so I am not going anywhere". Stephanie saying, "I want alcohol", Dawn saying, "I'm serious, my feet really hurt", and me saying, "Did you see how I touched him? Do you think he'll keep the card? Did he look at you right in the eyes like he looked at me? Can you believe we met Moby? When do you get your pictures developed?"....... How much more can I even say now, now that it's all spilling out? I could say that he is not a 'star', he is not a 'celeb', he is not anything other people are, he is a sweet, pure soul, gentle, shy, caring, compassionate, and intensely intelligent and creative, and....fucking HOT!!!! Gotta put an emoticon, sorry... :) Guess that's it for now. I don't know what else to say but more of the same - oh, he is beautiful, Mr. Moby is, beautiful, up close and personal, or standing on his head on stage, or drinking carrot/orange juice and waxing on about being a 'rock star', looking right into his big eyes, he's fucking beautiful, and if I say I'm in love with him, I mean it in the most serious way, the most truthful way, not in any sense jokingly. Cost of the War in Iraq
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