Friday, Nov. 14, 2003 / 1:20 p.m.

~PMS-y Judgmental Observations, and Other Stuff~

After carefully studying two different calendars, just to be sure, I�ve concluded it is most definitely PMS. It�s so funny how it sneaks up on me every time, I find myself angry for no apparent reason, yelling at Gladys just for running around and trying to sit on my lap while I�m online, or freaking out because the mailboxes are too dark (I called and left a message for maintenance), and then I remember, or I feel a bit of a cramp, or I see a big zit on my forehead. Yeah. Fucking duh. Nice to have an excuse to fall back on.

I was thinking about it this morning, about how I might describe it to, perhaps a man?, to someone who just doesn�t get it. It�s like suddenly being on edge, very much on edge, and the littlest of things can push you over, so you have to be really careful, you have to hang on to that edge, but it�s precarious as hell and you soon tire and fall off just the same. Then you break down and scream or cry, usually cry, and then you eat some salt, if you�re me, chocolate if you�re someone else, and you put on loose pants and thick socks, if it�s cold like now, and you zone out in front of the TV, Women�s Entertainment Network for some, maybe Turner Classic Movies if you�re me.

On the other hand, I bought so much wonderful (wonderfully EXPENSIVE!) food yesterday that this morning I�ve been writing potential menus. I never do that, but I just want to go home and cook. Is �nesting� another symptom? Or just eating?

I�m at work, this is coming to you live, or as soon as I get home to upload it anyway, and the thing pushing me over that edge is the women here. Today I want nothing to do with them. Maybe two or three days is my limit, then I want to run from here, screaming maybe. Thank god it�s a three day week, but still. I�ve had it with Q and her Gemini duplicity, and Jane and her playing every side to everything, consorting with everyone, yes, consorting, I find her false and I can�t deal with that. And Veronica, leaving early to prepare for another big party at her home tomorrow, another big party to which she has invited everyone here, but me, and this time Q too! Not that I�d go, but I was thinking this morning (I think a lot in the mornings, and I wish I could stop) about etiquette, and how I was raised with it, manners, not just The Golden Rule, but keep the hand you�re not using in your lap whilst you eat (which I dropped as a habit some time in my 20s, thinking it cooler to eat like a European, all hands and feet and everything, cigarette in one hand, glass of wine in the other, toes to hold the crusty French bread), not talking with your mouth full, saying �Please� and �Thank you�, etc., etc.

No, Veronica wasn�t raised that way. Here, I made a list of words that describe her, ready?

Rude, crude, condescending, lazy, gluttunous (MS Word doesn�t recognize that word, is it one?), selfish, cheap, stingy, hypocritical, slovenly, inconsiderate. Fun, huh? Oh, I forgot, LOUD. Oh, and obnoxious. Look, I�m not angry about not being invited to her party, no, really, I wouldn�t go, but it�s just rude not to invite everyone if you�re inviting your coworkers.

I�m sure she�s a great person, no, I�m not, I�ve known her for almost six years, and like I do, I try to like her, I�m really not a negative person, I overlook slights in time, I get past hurt, I don�t forget, ever, but I get over it, I move on, but she�s shown that she�s not worth it.

And right now she�s training in the other department, yeah, her job performance is about as bad as Q�s, but she�s been asked to stay, while Q�s being sent packing. Go figure.

Since I�m feeling so incredibly observant (read: judgmental!), this might be a good day to write in my novel, or to write it, not in it.

Hey, a little political thing, funny how the Bush admin is suddenly deciding maybe they should hand things over to the Iraqis. Funny, huh? Timing, people, it�s all in the timing. Protests, Dem Candidate Debates, public opinion polls, um, ELECTION, VOTES, timing. And, get this, like it�s fucking news or something, there was a headline on Yahoo!, from the AP or Reuters or something, guess what? The US plans to keep troops in Iraq after handing them back their disheveled government, or lack thereof. Keep troops there? No! You�re kidding! Like, fucking duh. The US government will not be satisfied until we have troops in every country on this planet. Every plot of land with a border shall have a US base. This is, and has always been the goal. Read Addicted To War, I beg you. I beg of you. Learn, knowledge is the power for the people. If we all had it, think of what we could do!

Must go, lunch time, not mine, but the 12:00 crew is gone and the phones are getting crazy. Will upload at lunch.

(Postscript: I just updated an address for someone living in Cleveland, and I said, �Oh, Kucinich country!�, and was met by stony silence. Look him up, visit his website, http://www.kucinich.us , get to know the candidate who should win!)

(PostPostscript: Just overheard: �So you�re not the person I�m talking to?� Guess who said it? No, guess! Q. Unh huh. Oh, oh, earlier, on the phone, I was giving an employee a phone number, and like a lot of the Big Corporation�s employees, she was really slow, repeated it about five times, asked me to repeat it too, but she said, �Sorry, I�m special ed�. I don�t know if she was joking, but it was kind of funny.)

Cost of the War in Iraq
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