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Tuesday, Aug. 27, 2002 / 10:34 p.m. ~Just a Little Reminiscing, and Plans Hatched, But Waiting~ I like this entry of mine. Though it's long, though it may not make sense to anyone but me, I like it because I was so filled with emotions when I wrote it. And I was hopeful, I was swooning. I'd gone out with Skipper, a new friend (who, it turned out, wanted too much from me) to a party, and I'd met James, Jon's friend. I'd seen Jon, but not met him, but it was James who turned me to jelly. Jelly. Jello. A puddle of viscous fluid upon the floor. What a day, what a night that was. And it went on from there, writing to Jon, thinking he was James, becoming interested in Jon, then meeting Jon, giving him a horrible impression, pursuing him, trying not to care about any of it, and it went on and on as everything does. A fast ride to nowhere. Earlier today I wanted to go out. Earlier I was dead set on it. I was ready, I had plans, wicked fantasies, I was going to go, almost anywhere, I had plans I needed to carry out. But now? 10:39 p.m., and I am tired. My eyes are tired, my body is tired, my mind is tired. Branford sent me an email about an after party for the Gipsy Kings. They're playing in town tonight, and if they'd actually show up at the after party it would be worth it. There will be salsa lessons. Oh no, I can't possibly dance this evening. Really I just want to get in bed. Now. I don't want to stop to brush or floss or wash. Me, horizontal, I can visualize it. Was there a small window of opportunity today? A brief moment in which everything was possible? After that the window closed and now I'm back to where I was? I could make things happen if I wanted, couldn't I? Seize a moment, carpe diem and all that? Huh, huh? I'm not sure what to do. There just may be a better night, but what happened to that 'gotta have it NOW!' feeling I had earlier? How did it disappear already? Maybe it's like the man pursuing the woman all night long. They go from club to club, they drink, they flirt, they become physical, soon they're kissing, not just touching casually, they dance, they sit to kiss some more, and there are tongues involved, he says, "Let's get out of here", and they leave. They go to her place, they have sex all night long, they pass out from exhaustion, wake in the morning, she drives him to the train, he says, "I'll call you", but the moment is gone, who cares now?, all urges are fulfilled. Could be I'm fulfilled now as I wasn't earlier. Could be. I think sleep will be good. Non sequitur here, but anyone want a cute white cat with black spots? Fucker is driving me insane. Mraoooows when she's hungry, mrrrraaaoooows after she's eaten, mrrraaaaaooooowwwwws when she wants attention, I just want to remove her vocal chords. Wakes me all night long. Sometimes I wish I truly lived alone. Alone. Oh, sure, I love Gladys, don't get that wrong, not that I care if you do, because she knows how I feel and that's what matters, but she drives me crazy. Mostly. On that note, I am calling it a night. I am washingbrushingflossing and going straight to it. The Gipsy Kings are old anyway. Maybe they have cute gypsy roadies or something, or cute fans, but I have a strong feeling the club hosting the 'after party' will be filled with those pretentious assholish club kids, the boys with the short sleeved shiny shirts, the short gelled hair, the ones clean shaven or with little goatees, looking at the girls in their haltar tops. Blech. Not my 'scene'. I'll hold out for another night. But I do have a plan. I won't write it, for then it won't happen. I'll hang on to it, I'll solidify it a bit and when it happens, hah!, I'll write it here, all juicy and detailed, but hazy and obscured so you'll have to guess at what I mean. Wicked. Crazy. Here's hoping I stick to it. Cheers! Cost of the War in Iraq
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