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Saturday, Mar. 16, 2002 / 2:44 p.m. ~Just Saturday Ramblings, Don't Mind Me, Keep Moving~ I'm listening to "Play", thinking about Moby, again. Obssessed, Much?! No, I just like him, I like his music, I like his beliefs, I more than like all of that. I even like his physical form, his shaved head, his funny teeth, his narrow upper lip, and I love to watch him talk while taping himself on "Senor Moby's House of Music", which was on MTV last night, by the way. He comes across as so innocent, so sweet, on those little taped bits, so softspoken. Then I listen to him talk-singing on his album, I hear his voice there, and I remember him at Area:One last Summer, standing atop his keyboard, shirt open, or was it off? He had so much energy, bouncing all over the stage, playing guitar, keyboards, big conga drums.... I'm finding certain men amaze me lately. They're all unattainable too. It's not like I could BE with Moby or Tony Bourdain, it's not like I could have a "relationship" with anyone, but I am admiring, I'm mesmerized, I'm filled with feeling, attraction, and at times desire. So, it's nice to watch "A Cook's Tour" or "Senor Moby's House of Music" or put "Play" in the CD player on a Saturday, or listen to it in my Walkman at work. These are the possibilities. It's warm today, very warm, and if you ask me, which you aren't, no one is asking me, but if you did, I would tell you it's far too warm. I like my seasons to be natural. Cool in Spring, Warm in Summer, Cool in Autumn, Cold in Winter. None of this 75 to 80 degree crap before the Vernal Equinox. Oh, Moby's talking again......oh, listen to his voice.....dammit. "The Sky is Broken", listen to it, see if you feel anything, it can't just be me. Yes, I still have this "crush" thing on Moby, yes, it's true. So, right, distracted here. Um, it's warm, the windows are open. I woke up in a sweat several times during the night/morning, the down comforter still on the bed, huge hassle to remove it and replace it, especially if it will be cold again later.... Fan in window, porch open so the girls can get fresh air, indoor cats I have to force to go outside. "Now, go outside and play, stop playing your video games, you haven't had fresh air in weeks!". Crazy kids. Okay, you're right, they don't play video games, but they sure do lie around a lot. Oh, they're 10 and 11 years old, you say? They're supposed to lie around a lot?! No, not these two. But still, they need a push. I just went outside on the porch to see if anyone was out there and there was Gladys on her chair, but after I rearranged the little plane made from the Yoohoo can, the one with the propellor that moves in the wind, turned it so it could catch the breeze, well, she moved, she got up, I tried to put her back, but now she's here, licking a catnip stuffed mouse, and catnip stuffed Bill Clinton. My fingers are hot, did I mention it's really warm? I slept all day, well, until 2:00, and I got up thinking I must've been really tired. I know I dreamed a lot, I woke up at least once to go pee, remembering a dream, going through it in my head so I wouldn't forget. But I've forgotten now. What should I listen to now? Suggestions??? Roadiepig??? Kate Bush's "Sensual World". Why? I have no idea. I came this close to playing Gipsy Kings. Sometimes I look at my CD collection and I am just confounded. Who bought all this crap? Jesus, did I go through a grunge phase or what? Will I ever really listen to all those Chili Peppers CDs? Pearl Jam? Nirvana? Okay, well, sure, there's a time and a place for everything, and right now is not really very Kate Bush-y, but what the hell? I'm thinking it might be more a Chris Isaak moment, but I don't know for sure. Clearly I'm rambling, avoiding having a day. And what "should" I be doing? I am often lost on Saturdays. I sleep, per chance to dream, then what? Coffee, sure, I know coffee. Music, check Big Game site online to see if I won, and EVERY time I do, I see that someone else in Georgia won $150,000. Every time, no joke. Why not me? "Play Responsibly - It's all about FUN!" You should see Gladys, sitting there on the Oriental rug, lying really, leaning on her mouse and her Bill Clinton, sleepy, staying awake for me, because I'm here, and usually I'm not, and you never know what excitement I'll provide. Eyes slowly closing, big beautiful green eyes having the hardest time staying open... Norma stuck in the window where I placed her, possibly thankful, possibly even enjoying herself! Kate Bush is all wrong. Okay, what about this? Louis Armstrong and King Oliver? King Oliver's Creole Jazz Band. 1923!!! Wow. I think I forgot I have this, on CD even. This could get old fast, but it will do for now. Clearly I'm stalling, can you tell? Okay, think I'll go read some diaries, maybe go somewhere, maybe not. Who knows? I do love not having plans, but no structure at all is so fucking weird. It's like, well, I need to do this and this, and that too, but really I don't feel like doing anything I 'need' to do. Know what I mean??? Oh, one more thing (!), how can George W. Bush think he's being such a fucking humanitarian, offering school supplies to Afghan children after he just bombed the FUCK out of their country?! Idiot. It's just like when the bombing raids began and we dropped those packets of "food", that happened to be the same color as the little land mines, right? Yeah, we'll blow up your entire country, even though your Country did not declare war on us, we'll call it a war, say you are attacking us, and after we destroy you, most of you (no OFFICIAL word on "civilian casualties" of course), we'll give you some aid. Fucking Americans. We suck! No wonder people hate us. I was reading a bunch of PartyJesus' diary last night, and I loved the stuff he wrote after 9/11, except he showed incredible little emotion or feeling for those who lost their lives, or for the loss of the Trade Center itself, but for a young man, a young American man, he has a great perspective on American policy, and how we've fucked things up.... It was good reading, by the way, I recommend his diary, definitely. But yeah, this Bush crap, all "We want to help the young girls of Afghanistan" and crap, well, if that's the case, why did you bomb the fuck out of their country? Did the Taliban fly planes into the WTC and the Pentagon? NO, you ignorant fuck, it was mostly Saudis, so go bomb Saudi Arabia! Sure, you'd never do that. It reminds me so much of a man beating his woman, then taking it back. Slam, smack, kick! Oh, honey, I'm sorry, you know I love you, here, what can I do for you?! No, you fucking beat me, you asshole! Not that I've ever been a victim of abuse, nor do I pretend to know what it's like, not at all, I just hate the way we go in and tear up a country, fuck with their infrastructure (can you say YUGOSLAVIA?!) and then offer them help getting back on their feet. What the fuck IS that? Okay, I'm finished. I just see headlines on my Yahoo! start page and I freak out. Bush, fuck Bush! Fuck him. I love that Alec Baldwin of all people recently spoke out to say that it's sick the way this country has seemingly forgotten that piss poor excuse for an election we had in November 2000 and everyone just LOVES Bush now. Thank you, Alec Baldwin! Will you be in Washington on April 20th? Will I?????? I can't decide. I think it's going to be a last minute thing for me. Do I really have yet another march on Washington in me? I just don't know. But I'm listening to Louis Armstrong, recorded in 1923, and it's strange, let me tell you, good, but strange. Fuck me, I just looked outside, to the parking lot, and there are these two white guys, which is weird to see white people here, it always is somehow, arranging a canoe on the back of a pickup truck! I wanna go canoeing!!! I wanna go! I love canoeing, especially whitewater, well, not really any other kind, just rivers, whitewater. I should run out and ask if I can go, but there are already two of them, and they have military haircuts so I'm automatically assuming they're with the Reserve Base nearby and I'd have to talk politics and they'd hate me, and well, two people fit in a canoe, not three, but jeez, I wanna go! Okay, maybe it's just short hair, maybe they're not Reservists, and maybe they're just getting back, it's really late to be just getting started, I can't tell without standing there watching them, but hmmmm..... kind of makes ya think, kinda makes me think. I should sign up somewhere. I've been through a class, I know some strokes, I can do whitewater, I've done it, hell, I've done that old mine tunnel on the Edisto, and that was GREAT! I can do it again. Pick me! Pick me! I'm weird, I know. No, they're definitely getting ready to go, at 3:30 in the afternoon. That's odd. Maybe they're going to stay overnight. The one is doing all the tying down of the canoe, and I love watching men do that kind of crap. They just seem so competent, so manly, if you will. Will you? And they never let women participate. "Here, let me get it, you missed this side, it's going to go flying out of the truck once we hit 65 mph, you know it, here, throw me the rope.", "No, I got it, don't worry, we'll be fine, I got it, I got it already!". Men. I miss men. Do you think that maybe sometimes, just sometimes, I wish I had one of my own? One that would come and go, at my bidding, of course. Don't want them around all the time, just some time. If I don't stop here I never will. I'll just keep getting up, looking out the porch, coming back in here to write what they're doing NOW, writing about how funny this music is, how I should be doing the Charleston or something, bobbing my hair at least. Cost of the War in Iraq
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