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Wednesday, Jun. 26, 2002 / 11:42 a.m. ~"Kisses You Gave Me, The Vows You Made Me�None of These Things Have Changed�Nothing�s Changed"~ Today I�ve moved on. Chris Isaak sings in my ears now. I have to shut out all the talk about last night�s BET Awards, and Lulu�s incessant loud yakking. I really can no longer stand it. Mostly it�s her constant referring to members of her race as �brother� and �sister�� �And then the brother said��, etc. The need to distinguish is unsettling. So, It�s �Heart Shaped World�, �Wicked Game� now. Yes, it was overplayed, because it�s such a good song. So unique. And it�s evocative, for me, of a time when I was indeed falling in love and didn�t want to be. �No I�don�t want to fall in love�with you�. It was intense. Living with one man, falling in love with another. Passion, heat, secrecy, intense, all of it, no other word to describe it. Too hot to last, it burned itself out. Once I ended the one holding me back the new one was gone. And I was alone. But it was this song that was playing in the background of that series of events. And it made me ache to hear it then. It still does. I went through my Chris Isaak fixation as well. I even met him after a show once. Poor David stood by me while I got my posters autographed, me sort of spellbound by Isaak�s presence so close to me. He was short, and his ass was really flat in his jeans. That�s what I remember. But he was nice, shy, quiet, accommodating and appreciative, with an entourage of course. We saw him in concert twice, I think, and I can�t even remember how many times now, but he was excellent live, such a consummate performer, flawless, with a great backup band. I bought every one of his albums, for a while. I think I have five or more, I�m not sure how many he released. It fits for today, this album. It�s cloudy outside, looks like it will rain. Cold inside, as always. Sitting in pants, long sleeves, sweater, socks and shoes instead of sandals, still cold. Lulu is finally quiet and I notice when she winds down because the silence is so striking. I asked for a vacation day to be taken July 24th. That Monday and Tuesday will be full, so I want to rest on Wednesday. And I will. We won�t get into all of that now though. Really, why must it be so cold in here? If I touched you, you would recoil, you would jump backwards, your jaw would drop, your eyes would grow wide and show the whites all around, you would say, �Why are you so cold?!�, and I would say, �Because it�s fucking cold in here!�. But there is no �you�. �I knew the first time we met we�d be lovers. The last time we kissed I was blue. The first time you left I discovered there won�t be another like you. Forever young� love will always be.� � Chris Isaak sings songs in the tradition of old country music. Lots of heartbreak. I love that. And it�s all so fucking jaunty. �Hey, I want to slit my wrists I�m so torn up over you, hey!� kind of stuff. Okay, some is very dark and brooding, but the jaunty songs catch me off guard, every time, make me laugh out loud at how silly they are. I guess I need to read. All this writing is not accomplishing much. I will add this, Lulu has exhausted everyone here and now she is talking on the phone. If all else fails, which it often does, she picks up the phone and calls her husband, talks to him. Poor guy. Cost of the War in Iraq
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