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Thursday, Aug. 21, 2003 / 9:21 p.m. ~Year of the Gays!!!~ Well, sure, I expected a return voicemail message, at the least, you know? Nope. But I was cocky, I felt superior, I was past the anger, the frustration, the fury, and on to the "Eat Shit and Die Motherfuckers" portion of the program. The Manager (M) and Supervisor said nada to me. (M) avoided me all day. Avoided our entire department. And since Penelope is out of town starting today, or on vacation, or something, and she is Kukla's only ally, or friend, or friendly coworker, and cousin by marriage, well, Kukla sat and talked on the phone, or read her bible, or whatever she does there in her cubicle. I saw the Site Manager, about halfway through the day, and he looked at me, I looked at him, he said, "I got your message" and I said, "I figured you did", and I don't think he said "I'll get back to you", but it felt implied. I remember telling him in my voicemail that it could wait until he was available. And, either he knows what happened and is wisely letting me cool down, or he knows what happened and he is really an asshole and is making me sweat, or he is genuinely busy and since I said it could wait, it is waiting. Still, he could've called, said, "Hey, I got your message, let me get back to you on that." But now I'm not too happy with the wait. I was SO prepared today, although my notes are so haphazardly written it's not a good thing. I sat in my cubicle first thing waiting, just sitting, notes all in a pile in my spiral notebook, memos, etc., all attached, or stuffed therein. Waiting. So ready. Now, I don't know where to start. If it's tomorrow, I suppose I'll deal with it. If it's next week, sure, that too, or whenever, as long as it happens. Veronica heard about the write up, I guess from Jane, and she wants to join me in my meeting, or jump in later, or have a round table, or something. We'll figure this out. I passed Veronica early in the day and she asked, "Are you okay?", and I didn't get it, not at all, until she started telling me that she was the one who used Kukla's name, she was the one who inspired the "I'll write you all up, I'll terminate you all!" meeting the Supervisor held on Monday. Aha. I have so many problems with Veronica, with her rudeness, her laziness, and that big party she had, the one to which I was not invited, etc., but overall, and after 5.5 years, she has a good heart, I do believe this. I really do. (M) and the Supervisor? Um, no. They didn't say a word to me at all today, and vice versa (aside from perfunctory "Good Morning"s said in general to the room.) (M) still hasn't even acknowledged to me directly that she had the Supervisor write the letter, or that I was written up, at all - it's as if she doesn't even know what happened. This is how she is acting, but she knows, she cannot face me now. I wonder if she's cooled down too, and has had some regrets. She WAY overreacted. But I swaggered all day, I whistled and hummed the Inkspots song stuck in my head, and I laughed to myself at all of the Supervisor's typos in that write up letter, and at (M)'s fear of me, the way she seems so threatened by me. I felt powerful, confident, and it was a great day. I processed mail like no one has before, I opened it before it arrived! I pulled the FAXes from the FAX machine as they were coming out! I zipped around like Wile E Coyote! No, like the Roadrunner, one step ahead, all day. I sprang, really. And when I was at home for lunch I read this horoscope: "If you've been feeling rather tired or sick lately, this will probably turn around for you today, dear Aries. As an Aries, you may often experience moodiness, and this can be a real drain. Your emotional state can have a very prominent effect on how your body feels. Be sure to take care of your feelings as well as your body. If there are things that need to be worked out, do so now. The two really do go together." That's it, that's exactly it. I was recharged today. Bounced back, came up for air. And I told Q how I've lost weight, how I've lost my appetite, how I've barely been eating, and she looked puzzled until I told her I was under a lot of stress, then a light bulb lit up over her head and we both rolled our eyes and nodded our heads in the Supervisor's direction. And I wondered, what must it be like to be that much of a bitch that your whole department can't stand you, and won't talk to you, that you are Supervising people who don't even need you around, they function fine on their own, so you make a stand by threatening to discipline them all severely if they do anything you don't like? What is that like? It's got to come around, all this going around. Or go around, all that's coming down. I do still hope to talk to the Site Manager, I do, and we'll see if and when it happens. But I told Q today, "I won't be subordinate for the sake of being subordinate. I won't be oppressed by THE MAN!" and we laughed. In other news, I went Farmer's Market/Whole Foods shopping after work, spent close to $100 on very few items, and got a whopping 10 cent discount for bringing two canvas bags with me. After I told the cashier "Plastic never goes away, it's always there, it takes up space in the landfills, it's forever", he sort of slammed my tomatoes on the counter a bit hard, especially considering they are really ripe. Every tomato in the place was really ripe, OVERRIPE, as were all the plums, and the avocados, and the water packed bocconcini was dated tomorrow for expiration. Tons of containers of it, going to waste. It made me sick to think of all that wasted food. They will throw it all away, if it doesn't sell over the weekend. And how pissy is it that they're leaving it out, when they have fresh waiting in back? I could never run a grocery. It's heartbreaking. When I worked at a local gourmet grocery a few years ago, we had TONS of baked daily bread leftover every night, but the owner wouldn't give it to us, wouldn't donate it to a shelter, he didn't want to release stale bread, he forced us to put it in the dumpster. And there would be a homeless man or two, sometimes, waiting, and we'd not say anything, but the dumpster was fucking locked. I wanted to gather it up myself and drive it to the nearest shelter. The waste was deplorable. I'm also reseraching feline lipomas, as G cat has developed a couple more. She needs the ol' fine needle aspiration, or fna, and I'm going to look into taking her to a cat vet that's right by the abode. We'll see. All I read says if the fna reveals fatty cells, and it's most likely a lipoma, a fatty cell tumor, as long as it doesn't impede her movement, we're good to go. No removal surgery required. But I also read of a thyroid ailment that can cause increased metabolism, restlessness, increased appetite, etc., and she matches a few of those symptoms. We'll get her fixed up, we will. She's my girrrrrr! I told her so tonight, all huggy and everything, poor lipoma-head. She said, "Duh, they're not on my head!", and I laughed. No, no, no, I kid. I do talk to her, but she never talks back. Cats don't speak English, in general. Although I swear these two know the word "Hungry", regardless of tone I use, or inflection. Anything else? I think that's it. I ran around so much today, I wish I'd had on a pedometer. I bet I walked about 2 miles, just back and forth on that stupid indoor/outdoor carpet on concrete surface. "Amazing Race" is over. The gays won. I think this is the year of the Gays. What with the Queers on Bravo and the Gay Boy Meeting Boys, looking for love amongst the straights! And now the gay duo wins the million! Power to 'em. I wanted Jon and Kelly to win, but what are ya gonna do? They were a close second, or so it seemed. I'd have broken down crying at the end too, win or lose. What a wild ride! Cost of the War in Iraq
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