Sunday, May. 05, 2002 / 8:04 p.m.

~Lost In 1883~

(Okay, I've come back to edit a bit - the time setting for "Frontier House" is 1883, not 1863, as I've just discovered by visiting the web site, which I have now linked to. Also, I neglected to mention watching the Woody Allen documentary on TCM last night, I think it was called "Woody Allen: A Life", but I'm not sure. Either way, it was really, really interesting, well, if you're a fan, like I am. He comes across as so humble, seriously. He staunchly denied being an intellectual, says it's all because he wears glasses that people think that - but you know, I think he's kidding, I think he knows how amazing he is and didn't want to come across as too arrogant. And after that was "Annie Hall", which I watched for like the millionth time, and it's still good, it will always be good. Editing over, for now.)

PBS' "Frontier House" marathon just ended. I guess I watched about 3 1/2 hours of it, I did miss the beginning episode, maybe a few, I think, and it's left me feeling very moved. It was very emotional, from the wedding to the pig slaughter to the families returning to their "normal" lives, and their difficulty in the changes, the acceptance that they live in the 21st century after all. I kept thinking, Why can't they stay? Why can't they stay in those cabins? Is it that the Winter would be too harsh? They wouldn't have survived?

But to leave it all there, all of Adrienne's pickled vegetables, all the vegetables in the root cellars, the wood split and ready to burn, the animals, the goats, who took care of all of that? Someone must've come in and taken care of it all, right?

I couldn't even watch the part where they were slaughtering the pig, couldn't even look at Logan to see his reaction, and then to listen to this little boy philosophize on the nature of life, the existence of animals, thinking to myself that it doesn't have to be that way, he can always be a vegetarian, or a vegan like Moby. We don't have to eat animals.

I went from feeling total emotion at the slaughter, to then seeing the pig dead and hung up and suddenly recognizing bacon and chops and loin. The two are so separate in my mind, and no doubt in so many other Americans' minds. If I had to slaughter my own animals for food I would be a vegetarian, I've always known that. I've always loved and respected animals more than human beings. I would drink the milk, and churn the butter, make the cheese, eat the eggs, but I could never kill an animal to eat its flesh. I could never care for a pig, feed it, pat it every day, call it by name, then kill it for my food.

I felt so sorry for that little boy learning that lesson. It was so hard for him. Really, what an amazing concept, to take these three families, teach them the techniques necessary to survive in 1863 (or was it 1883?) Montana, and let them loose, for five months. Five months! Wow. I want to see it again, from the beginning this time.

Maybe I shouldn't be so affected, but it was so fascinating watching them just try to survive, the one man so obsessed with losing weight, the women having it so hard with all the cooking and cleaning, the men experiencing so much satisfaction, overall, with all their labors, and the one woman, Adrienne, actually becoming depressed for what she said was the first time in her life. How hard it must've been.

Then to see them come back to their lives, the one couple separating, the husband on his own, feeling the need for a 21st century support group, it was just too hard, too many choices, too much stimuli. He clearly wanted to be back there in Montana. The young couple on an extended honeymoon, again, too many choices, not knowing what to do with themselves. And the children, the poor children, feeling bored with too much, the young boy saying he has too much stuff, it holds no meaning for him, so he plays with his Playstation, clearly just avoiding reality. Escaping.

I think it seemed depressing in the end, that they got so much out of the experience, but I think they might have rather stayed there. Take the washer and dryer and maybe a dishwasher and move back to the cabins. I don't know. I mean how silly is it for me to be sitting there tearing up at the beauty of that wedding, and the little Logan upset over having to lose his pet pig so they could have a feast? How did I get so wrapped up in this television show? It was incredibly well done. PBS rules.

This is a very introspective weekend anyway, they mostly seem to be. Weekends. I slept so much yesterday and today. I'll pay for it tomorrow and the rest of the week when I have to be back on a schedule. I slept until 4:00 today. That's a lot of sleeping. Sure, I went to bed close to 5:00 this morning, but still.

I spent a lot of time on this PC last night, mainly because it's a piece of shit! Seriously, say I go to a site that has Flash, or any other plug-in, any kind of intense graphic images, my Netscape tends to crash, or the whole system crashes, suddenly I can't click on any links, I have to re-boot or it won't work at all. I re-booted maybe 5 or 6 times last night. Why was I on for hours? Because it takes hours to do anything. Just checking out some of Moby's site, going to Ticketmaster to find out Area 2 isn't even playing in my state. Crash, re-boot, etc. Hours. Gone.

Imagine if I spent my days doing laundry by hand or churning butter instead. Okay, I'm glad I'm not, but I am so removed from the Earth it's ridiculous. So removed from what's important, so that nothing is important, it's all just killing time.

I did cook a bit, eggs with portobello mushrooms, green onions and some shredded smoked gouda. Yes, it was very good. I am going to make corn and tomato capellini eventually. At least the dishes are washed so there's some room in the kitchen now.

I don't know, I'm at a loss. Sleeping so much felt great, I needed it, I was tired, but it's the same thing, nothing new, now I feel very strange, very lost. I'll figure it out, surely.

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