Tuesday, Nov. 18, 2003 / 11:03 p.m.

~Madness, This Is Madness (Name the tune and you win!)~

What a fun night of television. And totally different shows, really, I highly recommend. "Gilmore Girls", "24" (major shifting of gears there, but both are fast paced and require you to pay attention, the first to rapid fire pop culture referenced dialogue - they already worked in the Roy/tiger incident!, the latter to rapid fire plot twists), and a new "Queer Eye...". Wow. I love how the straight guys always seem so hesitant at first, not quite homophobic, but really, well, scared almost, and by the end they're writing songs to praise the fabulous five who made it all possible. A makeover changes these guys' lives, and it's so fun to watch. Not as drastic as "Extreme Makeover", but quite the change.

Fun, fun, fun. Probably the best night for TV, surpassing the usual Thursday lineup.

It's pouring rain, and it has been on and off for hours. I hear there is flooding going on around town. Luckily I'm on high ground, but it's bad. I went to Wal Mart after work, had this cashier who bagged my stuff, just some sundries really, like it was Christmas presents. She wrapped my lightbulbs two and three times, my jar of mayo double wrapped too, she must've used like 15 bags for about three bags worth of stuff (and I didn't have the heart to stop her, it was so considerate, and so cute), yet it all got wet when I went to my car, putting it in the car, and bringing it upstairs to the apt. How in hell? I was taking things out of bags, and then out of more bags, all bags inside of bags, and inside of all that, almost everything was still wet. And, I had an umbrella too.

So, I was writing yesterday about how people tell me things, they just start talking, usually strangers, the elderly, sometimes kids, and cats, but I don't understand what the cats are saying. Dogs like me too, and tend to open up, and sniff, but that's another story. Today, well, where do I begin?

I was training in the new department, new to me anyway, with Kukla. And we had fun with the trainer, a very flamboyant, very dark skinned short man with long twisted hair, dressed all in black, very Southern accent, an interesting person I've known only as an acquaintence all these years. He was tired, and he told us so, over and over. I finally asked what he'd been doing last night to make him so tired and he almost blushed, if skin that dark could blush. His eyes twinkled. I know some things about this guy, I know he can't really be trusted, he's as gossip-minded as the rest of the women there, I mean, as the women there (little slip, sorry), so I won't tell him my juicy bits, but we had fun just the same.

But, he went to lunch and left us to jump in to our paperwork, really mindless stuff, so mindless he even told us we'd be using teeny little portions of our brains. He'd said the work wouldn't make us crazy, but the people, our coworkers would. Joy. And then the database went down. And it stayed down. I was at the reception desk, and I can't remember why, maybe to look at the newspaper, and the woman filling in on the regular receptionist's break said she liked my shirt, asked if the flamingos were embroidered, and where I got it. Yes, Wal Mart, says I, and she says, "Oh, I can't shop there", and I think, then ask, like I know I shouldn't, "Really, why?"

Oh man. Don't ask why. Just don't.

This person, another I know by face, and I do know her name, but I doubt she remembers mine, this person who looks me in the eye for way too long, and doesn't look away, this person who is too friendly, know the type?, went on and on, and then on some more, about how her husband was laid off in March, and he's a programmer, and she can't afford anything, and they bought their dream house five years ago, and he was making $50,000 and up per year, and now he's not hireable because he's too old, and it's been since March, and they're going to have to file bankruptcy, and she wanted to transfer their cards to Discover at zero percent financing, and she's scared, and he's so smart and his IQ is so high (at which point I'm thinking, why did he marry you?!, because she is a nut, no kidding, just loopy as hell), and she won't stop.

She wouldn't stop. It went on. I was thinking the whole time how I couldn't be rude, she needed to talk, and she likes me, she's always cornered me whenever she could, in the bathroom, by the time clock, and we're strangers.

Luckily, people were sort of coming and going around us, so I asked if the database was back up, as soon as I found a break to interrupt, she checked, it wasn't, I said I had to get back to train, and later she came by the training cube to ask how it was going, and could I email her the crossword puzzle software I found on the PC I was using.

Kukla and I sat and solved two crossword puzzles, and Kukla was so bad, I mean she can't read, she reads the wrong words, like she can't see, but you know she only has one eye, seriously, so maybe that's it, but then she is fairly intelligent, and loves to read, so maybe it's just a little disability. Have you ever sat with someone watching her read? Listening aloud? I mean, an adult? She's 37, I think. It was weird, but I gave her praise when she got a clue right, I tried to be nice. Me. To Kukla. It's insane, I know, but I have to work with this person, so I put our differences aside.

Which brings me to the rest.

Q was off yesterday for jury duty, and I had a nice quiet day, but I guess I did miss her. She can cheer me, and vice versa, but this morning she showed up and she was flying, like she was on crack or something. It freaked me out, and I was tired and menstrual-y, just wanted to sit and listen to some classical on NPR, read my EW, take a break before my training started at 11:00. I know I offended her, but she asked what was wrong, and I was thinking of all the crap H. laid on me yesterday, and how awkward the whole thing is, and how I'm trying to get psyched for the new job, and she's leaving, Q is laid off and we don't even know the schedule for all of this. I simply told her I didn't share her energy.

She went elsewhere, she talked to anyone and everyone, she bounced off the ceiling and the walls. I think she's a tad anxious.

Then, oh yeah, there's more, H. was humming maniacally, like Listerine used to do, remember Listerine and her humming? Oh god, H. was cleaning her cubicle, again, emptying it out even more, scrubbing practically, humming, then singing, not a song, just singing, and then she mentioned our blowout party and her last day, and how she'll get wings for us to eat, in different flavors, and she was manic and Q was manic, and I was so glad to sit with Kukla and make my brain hurt solving crossword puzzles while the database was down and everyone broke up into little cocktail party sounding groups across the site. No work could get done.

Tomorrow we are eligible for overtime in the new department, but we have to go in early. 7:30. Normally, I sleep 'til 7:45, so I'm not sure I can get there at 7:30, but I might try. More training, more teenly little brain activity training. Mindless keying of data. Data entry. Tab, tab, alt + 1, tab, tab, enter, etc. Rinse, lather, repeat. Condition. Yawn. And the phone never rings. Wow. Crazy.

I came home at lunch and read my horoscope and it sort of freaked me out because it was exactly how I felt, after yesterday it was a huge change, and I'd already felt it, but this was it:

"Chances are excellent that you'll feel strong and confident today, dear Aries. It's a good time to take on something you've never done before with the energy at play, as much endurance is possible. You might just be the right person to get things started - especially if it's about something you want to see changed. If you've never run for a seat before or taken a leadership role in another area, consider doing this. You have the power and popularity to make a real difference."

Crazy. Really.

I alluded to things H. told me yesterday, to Jane, without really saying how far she went, but it was out of line. And Jane agreed. Hey, should I get H. fired? Tee and hee too. Man, she figures she's on her way out, she can go balls to the wind, or whatever the expression is. God knows what she'll say on her last day. I have a feeling next week will be insane.

And Q, in typical Gemini fashion, said, "I wish I could just go now, I wish I didn't have to stay here, I need to get out of here so I can find something else.", then, a few seconds later, "I wish I could stay." Okay then.

I work in a fucking asylum. But getting away from the department today ruled. And I sat in a cube that was facing a wall of windows, a wall of glass. Looking over the parking lot, and beyond that trees, and beyond that an actual little mountain, no shit. I want that to be my permanent cube, but the training dude, the flamboyant man who could still use a queer eye makeover, trust me, said they have no idea what's going on, where to put us, that this is all new, never been done, consolidating departments, or joining, or incorporating, or assimilating, or whatever. There are no rules here, it's madness, and Jane and I, and probably more, still think the whole site is going under at the beginning of next year, we all think this is the beginning of the end, and I can't help but want to wait it out, to see exactly what happens. It's weird.

Other than that? The novel is not happening, I've not written anything in days and days, and I likely won't. It was a fun idea, but too much is going on. If all this hadn't happened? Maybe, maybe I could've done it, but lately when I turn on this PC, I have to seek diversions, I need to find ways to vent, to keep myself sane, I can't concentrate to read, or to write anything serious. And it's not even so much 'can't', as 'want'. It's not something I want right now.

I have been cooking though, and I am a really good cook, let me just say it here and now, if I may be so modest. I have gotten pretty good at buying what looks good, then throwing it together. I like to cook veggies and sausages, as we all know, and mix with pasta, or toss together elaborate salads, and there was that amazing steak from the other night. I still want to follow some recipes, soon, and I wish I was cooking Thanksgiving dinner, as that is my favorite meal, but alas, that is not going to happen.

Best head to bed, it's late, and I want to try to make the 7:30 OT thing tomorrow. If I don't, I'm okay, but if I do, it's money.

Oh, Kukla is a really slow learner, I watched her in training. Makes me feel super smart. I need the ego boost right now.

Cost of the War in Iraq
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