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Thursday, Feb. 14, 2002 / 11:47 a.m. ~Mustering Feelings, Due to Apparent Justice Served~ It looks like there is some justice in this world, or more accurately, in this workplace. It appears, not for certain, not definite and absolute, but it sure looks like Rasta has been �let go�. D. says to Listerine, �Rasta�s not here, so don�t put work on his desk�, then she�s introducing us all to a new temp, we�ll call him Roger. I�m not sure why we�ll call him Roger, but we will. Turns out�and this is odd�Roger is A.�s boyfriend. Remember A.? Oh, please do go way back in my diary and read the old stuff. Fascinating reading. A. used to work here, and Roger used to have flowers delivered to her, and teddy bears, and balloons and crap. In fact, one year ago, Valentine�s Day, he sent her stuff. Now�he�s HERE, with us, and she�s not. How fucking weird is that?! Yesterday, a lot of my anger was due to the fact that I was SO sick of Rasta getting away with slacking off, with the 30 minute break he took the day before (I saw him walk away at 11:20, come back at 11:50, and I notice because my break is after his, I have to wait for him to get off the internet PC, so I can use it, and he�s ALWAYS late, so I don�t have as much time to use it � I�d told him this, told him he was being really inconsiderate, a LONG time ago, but some people cannot change), and the pile of work he left on his desk, was always leaving. There is no carryover, we do it the day we get it. So, I was fuming, sort of hopping mad, holding it all in because what the fuck? I try not to be a narc, I don�t tell on people, it�s wrong, let his own actions come back to bite him on his ass, it�s not up to me. I knew this. Today, well, it wasn�t clear what happened. We weren�t told the usual �So and so is no longer with us�, like he�s dead, and I think they only provide that courtesy with permanent employees - he was still a temp. Listerine and I weren�t sure, though we were both speculating, Sabrina too, and Quincey. Finally, Quincey fesses up, she saw him, Rasta, early this morning, his jacket was hung in his cubicle (with care � sorry, little Christmas reference, I�m loopy), so�this means he showed up to work and either said, �Bye, I�m Audi�, or they said, �Bye, you are like SO gone!�. Nothing definite, but I�m pretty darned sure at this point. And I couldn�t be happier!!! It�s like this major discomfort has eased. Oh, I�m not thrilled about another young man taking his place, a potential other young man talking on the phone behind me and over one, all day, or another young man who really doesn�t care about much, slacking off, etc., but let�s not be too quick to judge, shall we? And I heard the sweepy guy this morning, outside my apartment, while I was still getting ready for work, the trash can rolling along the sidewalk bottles being thrown into it, and I thought, Whew, I won�t have to see him, won�t have to want to say hello, but realize it�s a bad idea, I won�t be torn. When I drove out, onto the street, there was another maintenance guy with a trash can in the bed of his pickup, and I thought, Hmmmm�where is the sweepy guy? Is this guy the one I heard, not the young and handsome scowly one? So, I just feel good. In general. I can never stay down for long. I amaze myself with how low I go, then when I think there�s no way up at all, I just get over it, whatever it is, anything. I couldn�t survive without this ability, this survival instinct, this thing inside me that keeps me going. Balances the highs with the lows, and vice versa. Maybe it�s simply eternal optimism, my infamous cynical optimism. That, and going to sleep before 11:00. I guess I was tired. Kukla leaves for a Hawaiian vacation tomorrow. Lucky girl. And her birthday is next week, so we�ll do some cube decorating at lunch, while she�s at lunch, I guess. And Penelope is off to grab a cake, and mylar balloon or something. Since Kukla said she�d get me a fridge magnet from Hawaii I felt generous, and gave more than my usual contribution to the cause. I don�t hate anyone today, and it feels so much better. It�s hard to be steely, angry, hateful, all the time. I really would rather love everyone. When I can muster the feelings, I do. Cost of the War in Iraq
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