|
Monday, Jan. 27, 2003 / 8:01 p.m. ~My Quest For the Perfect Mayo, and My New Favorite Cooking Show~ I've made a "Joe Millionaire" appointment with Norman. And as I even think that before writing it I have to remember a time when I thought the very idea of "The Bachelor" was so disgusting I refused to watch it... then had to take a peek at one or two episodes, just to see, you know. "Joe Millionaire" is so sleazily different though. It's a real low in reality television concepts. Therefore, must see TV. And my lap will have Norm's name on it. For now, here, to write, because a thing or two prove noteworthy in my mind. I went to the Farmer's Market after work, mainly for my organic 1% fat milk and some salad from the salad bar, but of course I had to get some almond castile bar soap and some fancy mango/mixed fruit juice, some more Shu Mai (and if I'd known they were two packages for $4 I would've bought another!), some canola mayo, and Spring Rolls, etc. totalling some $35. $35 for milk and a salad. No regrets. But, here's my point, I used to buy this really amazing garlic dill mayonnaise at the old Farmer's Market, before it was in the process of being taken over completely by Whole Foods Market, back when it was one man with a vision, a visionary you might call him, and it was this visionary's store, and it had the most amazing selection of staples, and me being the consummate condiment whore, well, yeah, there was this garlic dill mayonnaise. It came in relatively small jars, and it should've been easy to make it myself, just mix some mayo with some garlic and dill, but I liked the proportions in the ready made, I liked that it was ready made, and I always bought some when I made the long drive from my midtown digs to the 'burbs for the supreme shopping experience. One shopping trip it was no longer there. One time I looked and had to ask and it simply wasn't. I pined for my garlic dill mayonnaise, I never forgot about it, I asked at every store in the future, every store where I shopped for anything, almost. Still, I look. And now, years later, I can't even remember the name brand. Which sucks, sort of. I'm guessing I soaked off a label and have it stored someplace where it won't be harmed, someplace I can never remember. Tonight I asked some employees, and there were many, hovering, unpacking boxes, moving shelves around, taking inventory, or something, constantly upgrading, improving, installing signage, etc, in this big merger of a move from the visionary's dream market to the bankrupted dream and sellout to the big organic chain supergourmetmarket, which isn't all bad, "Where is the mayonnaise?", as everything is in a different place every time I go now. Oh, the answer! I met the man, the dude who's worked there for eight years, at least, he tells me, the man who orders, the one to talk to, and I got the mayonnaise tour. The organic, the canola oil (which I bought), the French, the mustard with parsley and garlic (no, no, that's mustard!), the regular, the Duke's, and when I told him what I've been searching for, for years now, I could see wheels spinning, smoke starting to pour out of his ears, his eyes rolling back in his head, "Garlic Dill, you say???? A woman's name on the brand label? Really? A woman's name? Are you sure? If you can remember, I can get it, I do the ordering, I can get it, a woman's name?? A WOMAN'S NAME?!!!!" Really. As I walked away he was still muttering it, telling his staff, asking, trying to remember. I came home thinking of my receipt drawer. All my envelopes containing all my receipts from the past, dare I say it?, possibly 20 years??? More? I'm an extremely organized packrat. And not ashamed. A bit perturbed, but not ashamed. Came in, fed cats, put frozen food away, and not in that order, and headed to the drawer, pulled aside an envelope dated October 1993, sifted through the first three receipts, and the fourth was from a shopping spree at said Farmer's Market in said 'burbs, during said time when I lived in said midtown digs and took great pleasure in driving 20 to 30 miles just to grab $107 worth of gourmet food and take it home and cook it all! On that receipt, along with the shiitakes and tofu and extra virgin olive oil and tahini and garbanzos (I must've been planning Hummus) and pure maple cream (?) and avocados and artichoke hearts and capers and whole wheat bagels and firewood (!) and tortellini with salmon and orange bell peppers............ "Garlic Dill Mayo" ($2.29). I amaze myself. I was thinking, Hmmmm.... I'll bet that was in 1993, must've been around there, I lived intown then, I went to the location out in Duluth, I remember, wasn't too hot, wasn't Summer..... And I come home, go to my receipt drawer and pull out the exact receipt for quite possibly the last jar of that mayonnaise I ever bought. I'm so easily amazed. No "SKU" though. No brand name, no identifier at all. But I feel like going back tomorrow, showing the receipt to the dude who orders and bugging the crap out of him further. Because I get the feeling it will keep him up all night. Seriously. A brief search on Google has turned up nothing yet. I am determined though. What fun, huh? Here's the other fun thing: yesterday there was a "Two Fat Ladies" marathon on the Food Network. Not that I'd ever seen more than a few minutes of the show, not that I'd given it much thought except it sounded insulting, and I'm sure I read recently (last year?) that one of the two fat ladies died. Probably of being too fat. But what a fun show! These two women, probably in their 50s, rather rotund, yes indeed, ride around Great Britain in this motorcyle with attachment, sidecar, whatever it's called, and end up in some lighthouse, or castle, or manor house, or abbey, and go into the kitchen and cook a huge meal filled with animal parts and fat and lots of BUTTER. It's great! They talk to each other a bit while they're cooking and it's stories like, "My mother never cooked until she was 60 - well, you know she wasn't allowed, we always had servants. But then when my father suddenly left us she decided she wanted to cook....and she made this dish." The father left because he had better things to do, he didn't die or anything. Then they're talking about Mandalay, and that summer in Burma, or whatever, and these are two cultured, very upper class British biddies with spitfire! They trill all their 'r's and they're sassy and saucy and the one looks really butch actually, and who am I to say, but maybe it's that she looks like a man in the face and wears no makeup (not that I wear makeup either, but, well, I'm just being descriptive is all). And the other always wears red lipstick and at the end sits with a cig, as if she's just had sex instead of just cooked a big meal - and they don't eat, they cook for groups of other people. I loved it. I couldn't stop watching. Even the picnic with the lamb pie and the pork pie, which was bacon wrapped around pork. With some stuffing in layers, but pork wrapped around pork?! Egad! I wanted to try it! I fell asleep whilst they were in the Benedectine Nuns' Abbey, and it was a beautiful old castle looking structure in Ireland, sitting on a lake. Wales, Ireland, Northern England, beautiful, beautiful, fantastic HUGE kitchens! And these tales in between delicate British politeness, "What were you going to say, Clarissa?", "What are you cooking over there, Jennifer?" I guess that's all I had. I shouldn't have put the raw red onions on the salad. Too much, it's stuck in my mouth now. I'm going to eat Spring Rolls and watch the Joe show with Norman. And dream of feeling well, of being healthy and energized. And having a larder filled with all the garlic dill mayo I could possibly want - in a large beautiful kitchen in a castle overlooking the Welsh countryside. Cost of the War in Iraq
(JavaScript Error)
Recent Entries: It Was 40 Years Ago Today - 9:44 a.m. , Friday, Oct. 12, 2012 Dead Black Cat - 9:07 a.m. , Wednesday, Jan. 25, 2012 As Seen From Outer Space - 1:07 a.m. , Saturday, Dec. 05, 2009 I Survived to Tell the Tale - 7:29 a.m. , Friday, Sept. 18, 2009 Reading My Life - 12:55 p.m. , Saturday, Sept. 12, 2009 
  |