Friday, Aug. 09, 2002 / 8:22 p.m.

~My Virtual Life Is Not Like Yours~

I've just been sitting here reading diaries, and other things like recording myself reading a Wall Street Journal article for an "audition" for a "Voice Specialist" job. Hah! But, my point is, I'm reading all these accounts of people's lives, and they're all so fucking normal.

Husbands and boyfriends and friends and brothers and sisters and mothers and fathers and bicycles and gardening and watering plants and cooking and cleaning and watching movies and nothing sad, nor angsty, nor depressing. Like Stepford Diarists.

Freaky.

You people aren't fucking real! How can you all be so happy go lucky? Whee! Craft projects and dinners and evenings out, how do you do all that? I don't get it. I really don't. I'm not like any of you. I never could be. Was I ever? I think I was, but I wasn't good at it, it was never me.

This morning I dreamed my sister in law called, was leaving a message on my answering machine and I walked in the room and heard her, picked up the phone. She wanted to know how I am, how I've been, do I have gray hairs now, and I said yes, and she asked if they're actually white. Yes. A few of them.

I don't mind being alone, I usually relish getting away from everyone, but then I read the writings of all these people writing these diaries, and they're all so ACTIVE, and I wonder what is wrong with me, or what is wrong with them, and is my diary just so raw and honest and their diaries just so much fluff they write because they know everyone and their neighbors are all reading? I'm not going to sit and envy any of them. Of you.

I have more to read though. And then I'm going to make my presence felt on the message boards. It's silly, childish and petty and other words similar, but I can't stand to think of that girl thinking she ran me off. Can't stand it. This is my life. It's all rather virtual.

Cost of the War in Iraq
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Run, Kitty, Run!

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