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Wednesday, Jan. 23, 2002 / 11:49 a.m. ~No Naked Audrey Tautou Here~ I came in and sat down and felt ill. My job is making me ill. It�s flu-like symptoms, I felt them yesterday, then last night, at home, I took note of how fine I felt, how it must be the job, the re-circulated air, the odors, the loud deodorant I smell, the hand lotions, the copier toner, the paper dust, the video display terminals, all of it. Four years and my hair is turning silver, I now wear glasses to see the screen, and I feel ill. (if you�ve read enough of this diary you�ll know I�m a self-diagnosing hypochondriac) I�m merely speculating, of course, but yesterday I thought of this headline: �My Job is Killing Me, Literally!�, as if out of some supermarket tabloid (don�t you hate that expression, �supermarket tabloid� � oh, wait, I was at a �supermarket� last night, Publix, getting my milk and carrot cake and chips, and as I stood in line I was assaulted, visually assaulted, by �supermarket tabloids�). Oh, for those who don�t understand, and why must I break the �fourth wall� and address an audience anyway?, I have good reasons for staying at my job, and I�ve mentioned them here before, numerous times, and this is tedious and boring, me feeling I need to explain myself. Why?? I got an email letter from a new reader, and I debated whether to write about how it made me feel, but this really is my diary and it�s weighing heavily on my mind. These are the descriptive words used regarding my diary, my thoughts, �bleak� and �dreary�. Huh. Interesting. Insulting, ultimately. I thought, Whoa! Have you read so-and-so�s diary?? What about so-and-so�s???? Holy Moly, you think I write of a bleak existence??!!! Oh wow, you need to get around the diary circuit just a bit more, steer away from the �I�m writing to entertain you and make you laugh� diaries, if just for a moment, check out the angst-filled �I hate my life and want to die ,NOW� diaries. Mine is totally in the middle. Totally. I was reminded of Candace�s review of my diary in that first diary review site, I won�t link to it here because I�m at work and I don�t remember the name, probably simply diaryreviews.diaryland.com/joleen, but I am not sure. Anyway, she reviewed an older version of my diary, a totally different layout, one I did not create, and I had her review linked, etc., etc., yada, yada, yada, but what she wrote was that she thought my diary was really funny! She saw the humor in it, and questioned whether it was intentional�I appreciated that. Yes, I find humor in my daily existence. A lot of what I write is sarcastic, sardonic, irreverent, and, I think, funny. It�s not all some giant tragedy. And if it were? A giant tragedy? It�s a diary. Some people will never understand this concept, the online diary, what it means to the diarists, how different people feel about writing online, exposing themselves, opening their lives, their innermost thoughts, for strangers to read. Hoebag9 wrote about this subject in her diary yesterday or the day before, saying that writing is her way to work things out, it�s better than talking, but that it�s not open to discussion. You�re welcome to read it, but she doesn�t want your opinion. Touche. (that �e� should have an accent on it�pronounced �toushay�, you know what I mean, Yeah, right on!). I�ve had so many problems with people reading my diary, people misunderstanding me, people criticizing me, people judging me, when really I don�t want to know any of that. If you think it�s bleak, dreary, horrible, stressful, why in hell are you reading it? End of rant. In other news�I got an automatic email from the internet company, a form letter of sorts, thanking me for applying for the customer service work at home job, telling me that a �recruiter� would be looking at my resume, getting back to me, etc. It�s now 9:32 a.m., and I have yet to check email so I don�t know if anyone�s gotten back yet. We shall see what we shall see. Last night�s �Gilmore Girls� was new! And good, as always. Lorelai has a curly thing going on with her hair, it looks much better, and there was a very funny line, well, several, but one made me crack up, laugh a hearty guffaw, a cat-scaring, wake-the-neighbors kind of spontaneous emission: Lorelai is trying desperately to get a loan so she can have her house hoisted, joists replaced, etc., due to intense termite damage, but she is not having any success. She has no collateral, she can�t get a loan, she has a tension headache, right? She goes to dinner at her mom�s, with Rory, and at the table she pops open a bottle of aspirin, taking two with her glass of wine. Her mom notices, of course, says, �What is THAT? What are you taking, Lorelai???!!!�, and Lorelai says, �Rufies�. Okay, I don�t know if I�m spelling it right, but it was very funny. Rufies, the date rape drug. Tee hee. She is such a smartass! I love her! And �24�, well, that show is as good as everyone said it would be, I�m totally hooked � I am easily sucked in to the continuous story format, hence my 22 year (so far) commitment to �Guiding Light�. Yeah, good story, good plot twists, good overall character development, split-screen technique (which initially annoyed the hell out of me!), incredible buildup of suspense. Good, good, good! And, and, and, �Real World�, well, young people with cameramen in their faces, taping them, recording them turned loose in a new city, and it happens to be Chicago, a city I visited when I was a child. My entire family was from there. So, yeah, it�s fun to watch. Fun to watch the girl with the emotional problems seeking answers through sex with strangers, fun to watch the gay guy who has problems coming out to his friends because he is still wrestling with feelings of shame. Good, good, good! I think that�s all I have for now. My little diary. Online, for you to read. Enjoy the unlocked diary! (You should see the Google hits I�m getting now! Tons for �Audrey Tautou naked�!! Sorry, folks!) Cost of the War in Iraq
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