Friday, Jun. 14, 2002 / 1:27 p.m.

~No Regrets?~

I want to back up. I want to go back in time, backwards, undo some things. I shouldn't have regrets, they serve no purpose, but I'm dwelling, wishing some things simply hadn't happened.

I know how far back I need to go to undo the present unpleasantness. I know the exact moment in which I'd reinsert myself. What's the point in even fantasizing about time travel? I don't believe it's possible.

So the thing to do is try to continue without too much distress. It's Friday, this is good, I can sleep late tomorrow, and I'm really, really looking forward to that. There are some things I want to accomplish in my abode, and hopefully I will accomplish at least some of them. Again, this is good.

Other than that, things are not good.

Maybe I could list anything I think is good and that will help me to realize I'm wrong.

I'm almost caught up on my subscription to Entertainment Weekly. Very, very close, am I.

Last night the cats and I watched the Stanley Cup final - no, it wasn't good that Detroit won, although they certainly all looked very happy, but the cats took turns sleeping on my lap, which we all enjoy immensely.

I did actually purchase a ticket to see Moby, yesterday, online. I keep forgetting about it. Ticketbastard will mail it to me, and then I'm sure I'll be excited - when I have it in my possession, the ticket.

What else? It looks like it's going to rain. It's cooler when there's cloud cover, of course, so this is good. I hope it does rain. I'm not sorry at all for hoping that Jon's baseball game gets rained out. Well, it's not HIS game, but the game he's going to.

I got my first paycheck reflecting my new pay rate, today, and it's about ten dollars more. That falls into the good category, but really, so what?

Is there anything else? I'm not sick, I'm healthy, I guess, the cats are healthy, I guess, I have a steady job, I earn money to pay my bills and rent, I have clothes to wear, food to eat, or I can buy food to eat, I have cable television, a computer, many, many books to read, a lot of music to listen to, things could be worse, always.

But I feel like crap. Like I have no energy. For days now. It's the old Dante theme, the proximity without intimacy. I want to go back to how it was. That's my new goal. I still have plans to socialize, starting next Monday, ending in a week or so. After that, self-imposed exile. Oh yes, trust me, for me?, it's better that way.

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