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Tuesday, Oct. 08, 2002 / 9:42 p.m. ~Norman and I Saw a Woodpecker In the Pines~ I think I've turned off the air conditioning for the season. We had the window open all day today, here at home, and at lunch Norman and I looked out at the birds. We saw a woodpecker, amongst others. It's still gray and humid, and mostly warm. I really hate my job. I feel congested, and if I didn't know better I'd think I was 'coming down with something'. But I know better. It will go away. Tomorrow, I'm thinking. I got takeout from the Chinese Buffet after work. Comfort food. Good, mostly. "Felicity", "Gilmore Girls", "Guiding Light" on tape, and soon will be "Sleazy World" on MTV. I'm washing a medium load of laundry. Weird, I always wash large loads, but I was out of detergent, all but up to line 2 on the cap, so there you have it. I actually pulled dirty pants from my laundry basket to wear to work today. Okay, they weren't that dirty, but still. Laundry, yeah. Gladys is doing her "mraoooow" thing. She thinks it's time to eat. Once upon a time both cats ate their dinner at 11:00 at night. Now they start with the "mraaaooooow" thing around 9:00. If I can stand it past 10:00, it gets worse before it gets better. At some point they stop asking. Before they start again. I know most people 'free feed' their cats and dogs, but it's not good for them, it makes them fat. And yes, it's hard to have set times to feed them, but they're healthier this way. Tell them that, I know. I hate my job. I wish there was a way out. Actually, there are a few. One involves a lateral move. One involves 'furthering my education'. Blech. I hate that phrase. One involves quitting and winging it. NOT an option. One involves mass marketing. Not my style. I got up this morning, and as I was making my bed it hit me like that proverbial ton of bricks..... what about my FUTURE?! I've wasted 4 1/2 YEARS at this job!!!!! I'm getting old. I sleep in an old bed surrounded by old furniture all covered with dust. I never clean anymore because I'm drained all the time. My job has sucked all the life from me. Anything I have left, anything I have at all, is expended here. This is it. I'm in hell. Worse because half the time, no, maybe three quarters, I don't even realize it. It takes one moment, making the bed, looking in the mirror, cleaning cat vomit from the carpet, stopping to get the mail at the communal boxes, or just getting out of bed, washing, brushing, making coffee, realizing that this day is exactly like every other day and I am going nowhere and it's happening so fast I don't even see it. So, that's how my day started. And it only got worse. The people I work with and for are such idiots. The people who call on the phone all day are such idiots. How can there be so VERY many stupid people on this planet? No wonder we are right where we are. No wonder. George W Bush is our President. Isn't that insane? Everything we thought we knew about the US government is wrong. All our rights are changing, the President's rights are changing. We still don't have cures for cancer and AIDS. We've been to the Moon, we've examined the surface of Mars, but so fucking what? Tomorrow I get up and do it again. Exactly the same. And my supervisor refuses to recognize my talents, my abilities, she refuses to praise me. She openly recognized others today in a very childish display of handing out 'certificates' for specific tasks performed, yet failed to mention one very important one for a Call Center: Most Calls Processed. Know why? That certificate would have to be awarded to me, and she won't acknowledge me. We were all embarassed. She wants US to choose an Employee Of the Month. ???? The employees choose? I'll choose me, and I'll tell her why. I plan to write that I am choosing me because I am dependable, knowledgeable and very helpful. I am solid as a rock. Time for "Sleazy World" on MTV. I didn't want to write here today. I have nothing to say, nothing good, it's all very very bad in fact. Cost of the War in Iraq
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