Friday, Nov. 07, 2003 / 5:20 p.m.

~OMIGODOMIGODOMIGODOMIGODOMIGOD!!!!!~

Whew. Okay. Regrouping here. I think I'll start at the end and work my way back a bit, or maybe go in circles.

Right now? I'm home. I left work at 4:00. Why? I have vacation time to use up. I'm a usin' it up! I'm off Monday and Tuesday too, and I don't go in Wednesday until 11:00. Sssswwweeet.

I went to the Farmer's Market/Whole Foods, which was hoppin', I must say (don't people work anymore?), hit the hot bar, got me some good stuff (suddenly I can't speak English). So, I just ate. I'm good, I'm ready to go. It's still kind of warm inside, but I'm going to perservere, I have news. Hence the title of this entry.

About 2:50 p.m., perhaps a bit before, perhaps a bit later, the Site Manager rushed into our little department, but he rushes everywhere, and he made eye contact with me, but talked to Penelope, as it is her Birthday and we had celebrated (I bought the cake, ice cream, flowers, card and balloon, thank you), wished her a Happy Birthday, then he catches my eye again (yeah, I switched verb tenses in mid sentence, so sue me), asks if he can see me for a minute.

I'm thinking he wants me, he's decided, but then that's silly, isn't it? No, I canNOT figure this out, but dude moves fast for a little guy. Like FAST. I practically run to catch up to him, he heads to the fooking conference room, of all places, sort of looks around before he goes in, like this is all on the DL (down low, for those not hip to the ebonics - sort of like hush hush), and we go in, and there sit my Manager (M) and the Manager of the bigger department on the other side of the suite - she's an (M) too, so we'll have to come up with a nickname for her at some point soon...

Right, I'm not freaking out at this point, I'm only curious as hell! What? Wha? W? The fuck?

I sit. We four are seated. The Site Manager, fast as lightning, but seated now, talks. They are closing our department.

Do you hear? Our department! No more! Gone! No more call center! No more phone calls! No more verifications! No more me with six black women, seven counting (M). No, that's eight. Our Supervisor, H., Veronica, Penelope, Kukla, Q, Jane, (M), me. Gone. As of SOON. Like, wait a second, I'm not sure I have it, maybe December 31. Yeah. GONE.

I was in shock. The strangest part was yet to come though. Me. They want me to stay, to move to the other, large department, to work under the other Manager, the other (M), to answer to her, which is funny because she is hearing impaired, not that that's funny, but 'answer' to her, I don't know, can she answer to me? Can she hear me?

When I used to sit at the receptionist desk up front, by the front of the office that is, I sometimes had to page her, and I always wondered how she managed to respond. Someone told me they elbow her, or yell to her, or grab her shoulder, or whatever, but then how does she talk on the phone? Because she does. It's a mystery.

But she's not so great either, so I hear. She is white, so if there is any racial discrimination there at all, and I've ALWAYS felt there was, indeed, most assuredly, I'd have my skin color working for me, instead of always against. Yes, yes, it exists, even when you promise it doesn't, the discrimination.

So he goes on, the Site Manager. He tells me seven people site-wide will be 'let go', but I don't even remember exactly how he said it. He's damned articulate though, and said all the right things. But, he says, they want me. They want me to stay, stay, stay. And he looks at (M) and says they discussed it, and I'm looking at (M) and thinking how I've hated her since she last had H. 'write me up', hated, like really not liked at all, and suddenly she's extolling the benefits of keeping me on hand? To stay on 'the team'?

Good god. I was almost in tears. I was touched. They like me, they really like me! (that was my Sally Field impersonation) I thanked them, looked right at (M) to thank her, and the Site Dude of course, and the other Manager for giving me the opportunity to stay.

Same pay, same vacation days next week and in December, same bonuses quarterly, same work site. Same schedule, I think. And...

NO MORE PHONES!!! No more customer service, not in that capacity anyway, no more call center crap. Good god. I was SO hating it today, and yesterday, and every day really, it's the bane of my existence there, the phones. Challenging yes, but draining, so very draining. DRAINING. Because of the confusion of the callers, the fact they don't listen to what they're hearing on the automated line, they're not paying attention, then they get me, live human being me, and they let it out, they try to tell me everything, but I'm the 'wrong' live human being and I have to tell them to call one more phone number and it's pure hell, I tell you, pure hell.

Today someone called me a bitch, and more hung up on me, and it's just really hard, and did I say, DRAINING? Yeah.

So, they want me to stay, to be one of two people to close the department. No, wait, TWO people, one is me. I thought (M) hated me as much as I've been hating her. Could it be she's been respecting me all this time?

Again, I was near tears. Same commute, same coming home for lunch, same salary, the perks I've stayed for all these SIX years. Six years in February, and for those very reasons. And how many times did I say I wanted to try another department? And remember the time I applied for one of the other departments but I got shot down?

I thought I could stay, if only I could get away from the phones.

Our HR Manager did damage control just outside our department after our one on one meetings, one at a time, and I was first. I WAS FIRST. She caught me, "Let me talk to you, stop right here, are you okay?" "YEAH, this is SO GREAT! I've been trying to get away for ever now!"

Thing is, they're closing our department, I'm serious, and that means no more jobs for some of my peeps. I think Q got the axe, and she's going to call me in a bit. I don't want to tell her my news, I want to respect the process, I said I would, I want to be good, I want them to like me, I want to stay on site, until my ship comes in, but I don't want to make waves on the shore while I wait.

God, I've been sitting in my cube seething in anger, on and off of course, as I am generally a very positive person and try to make the best of bad situations, hence my sticking it out this long, but I hate the way Kukla works, or doesn't!, and I hate that Veronica is so bad at her job and is so slovenly and lazy and rude, and yesterday we had a little tift, a small row - we'll save that story still, maybe for never - but some of these women don't deserve to be kept on, carried, like they have been all this time, and, well, I don't want to see anyone lose her job, this makes me really freaked out and sad, but I crave justice, fairness and it looks like this may be it.

So, I stay, train in other department, close ours down, with one other secret person, we don't know who, but probably H. And then, could be a whole new hell, we don't know yet, but it will be a different hell, and maybe one or two of my coworkers will remain.

This is such a huge change. I sat in my cube, post-shakeup, just looking around, thinking about all the changes in our department over the years, the whole tax statement reissue process, the new tasks we've undertaken, the changes in supervisors, even locations of our cubicles, our layout. And now, gone. Poof!

Our contract with the big corporation (we are outsourcing after all) is currently being renegotiated, and I asked, oh yeah, and nothing is certain, so this could be the beginning of the BIG END, but for now, I have a job still, and it's a different job, and it's not a promotion, but it's a lifesaver being dropped overboard and I'm grabbing it and I felt really thankful. I shook hands with each Manager, felt all professional and everything.

Site Dude had said that they think I'm a good communicator, not just on phones, but in general, and that's what they're looking for, and new Manager said she looks forward to working with me (granted, I've 'known' her the whole six years, just not terribly well), and I told her I ask a lot of questions, so be prepared. She says that's great. And I expected (M) to say something snarky, that I've been written up for questioning authority, that I'm hard to deal with, but she didn't. So I didn't.

Man.

Man oh man.

Q's gonna call me and I'm just going to listen. She's going to want dirt, she thrives on dirt, she lives to gossip, but I can't. I just can't.

This is HUGE. So long I've waited.

Here, check out my horoscope:

Forget everything you think you know. You don't think you know anything? Then forget everything you think you don't know. Don't, though, forget absolutely everything without exception... for some things definitely must be remembered. Do, though, forget everything that appears to suggest an imminent problem on the emotional or financial front. The Harmonic Concordance suggests a dramatic transformation in your state of security. This can only be positive.

That's from Cainer's site, and for a change it's right on target. I don't know about this hexagonal concordance thingamajig, but wow. "...dramatic transformation in your state of security"?? Um yeah. I told the HR Manager, "My horoscope said this was going to happen!", and she looked at me like I just told her I eat worms. Or like I just told her "I come from the Planet Zebulon!"

Speaking of, I wish I could tell Mark. I really do. He used to do a great imitation of my new Manager, little speech impediment and all. And we'd laugh about her idiosyncracies as manager. After all, she was once HIS manager too. Small world. Wow.

Okay, well, I'm off work for a few days, I need to write my novel, I need to do some cleaning, hopefully reorganize my closet (yeah, like that will happen!), and watch movies, go to movies, watch my new "Finding Nemo" video (yay!), and stuff. Read my EWs, etc., etc., etc. Stuff, you know.

But this, yeah, this is so big, I can't get over how big it is, and it was a surpise, in spite of all the hints that would have made it not such a surprise. Wasn't I paying attention? I mean, H. hints about it all the time, that she thinks they'll close us down, the whole site, etc., but I laugh it off and say, "I hope they lay us off! I can get unemployment and find another job!", like it's the best thing that could happen.

Well, maybe this is even better. No interview, no resume update, no new wardrobe, just walk to a different cubicle. Wow. Again, wow.

Okay, I'm going to try to log off for a bit, be here for Q. Maybe she won't call. We'll see.

Cost of the War in Iraq
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