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Saturday, Sept. 07, 2002 / 2:01 p.m. ~On Harsh Realizations, Shelf Asses, and Other Things~ Normally (but what is normal?), I wouldn't sit here on a Saturday morning (okay, so it's 2:00 p.m., it's morning to ME) and write about work, but I have to get this down, somewhere. Close to the end of the day yesterday D., the Supervisor, finally finished packing up Lulu's things. It looked like she left a lot of stuff, but I couldn't just stare, couldn't just watch the packing process (which, from all corners of my eyes looked to be quite sloppy and furiously fast) even though the cubicle is directly across from mine, right THERE, so to speak. The name plate came off its velcro moorings, etc. Everything. And I wanted to say, "Hey, D., you should check her hard drive, I'll bet she's got all kinds of personal files on there", but I didn't say a word. Everything I wanted to say seemed inappropriate, or seemingly deemable inappropriate by someone else. So, later, I turned to Penelope and I said, "It's so weird that no one has even mentioned her name the entire day, no one has talked about her at all", and she said, "Well, there's not much to talk about", and I said, "You could talk about how you MISS her!" and she said, "...well yeah... I miss her..." And I realized something, for the first time. It's entirely possible I was not the only person Lulu drove absolutely batty. It's entirely possible people are GLAD she is gone. It's entirely possible they know she was bad, she had no scruples, she was a bit evil inside, and the the fact that she resigned at least shows us she knew how rotten she is, but we are all glad she is gone, gone, gone. I turned to Listerine a bit later still, stood up and looked over the gray barrier and said, "It is SO quiet in here I can hardly stand it!", and she said, "Oh yes, yes, YES! I am LOVING it. I have been sitting here grinning all day!" Er, that's honest. So I said, "You know, as much as she drove me absolutely crazy, as much as I wished she would just shut up sometimes, as much as I had to put on my headphones just to tune her out, this silence is making me a little crazy.", and she said, "Well, I'm sorry for you, but I'm glad for me, I'm loving it." And it was nice that she said she's sympathetic to me, at least. It was more the fact that no one even acknowledged that Lulu wasn't there anymore, than the silence, it was the silence of the people there, not the overall silence. But in hearing Listerine say what she did I realized that I'd not been alone, the whole time, I'd been in company and not even realized it. You know why? Because they are all so fucking phony. They will talk to you even if they hate you (I'm not like that). They will shoot the shit all day long if you initiate it. And Lulu did the initiating, all day long. End of day it would be me with my headphones on, face buried in book or mag, back turned to her, Listerine reading her Bible, and Penelope reading too, back turned, but Lulu saw Penelope as her only ally and she would get off the phone with her kids, and say, "Miss Penelope, what are you cooking for dinner?" or "Miss Penelope, what should I cook for dinner tonight?" or "Miss Penelope, I'm thinking of getting microbraids", or whatever was in her mind. She had to voice all her thoughts, couldn't be silent with them, ever. So yesterday I missed it. It felt wrong. She had no sick time left, no vacation time left, she was always there, would always be through the end of the year, she was a constant and now she was gone. But they were happy about that, and that was a surprise to learn. Now I know. I haven't even started bleeding and I am having horrible cramps. My uterus hurts something awful. This is just first thing in the morning stuff though, it will go away later, I'm sure. Last night I got takeout from Chili's after work. I've never done that, just called up and ordered, gone and picked it up (I've ordered their food through Takeout Taxi, but there are all kinds of associated charges with that service!). And they have 'Curbside Service' now, so I asked what that entails, is there a charge?, etc. I just pull up, park in a designated space, they bring me my food. Well that sounds really stupid. I can get out of my fucking car to walk in to a restaurant, if there's no drive thru. And I'd be expected to tip them, no doubt. So I went in, got my food, tipped anyway, 'cause I'm weird like that, and came home to eat. Digging into my Grilled Shrimp Alfredo Pasta and looking for the lime flavor in the shrimp, pausing to note the texture of the shrimp was much like chicken, then realizing it was in fact chicken. But it was good and as long as they didn't charge me for shrimp I was cool. (Later, online, I got a call on the CallWave Internet Answering Machine - No message, but I recognized the number.... Chili's. They must've realized their error, an hour and a half later, and called to apologize, but they left no message - nice they called, I guess.) It was SO good. And the Crispy Chicken Salad (see, I didn't really want all that chicken, two chicken dishes, but, well, okay then). Orgasmic. And I sat and watched Serena Williams play tennis on TV. All I could think was "performance enhancing drugs", just like Mark McGwire took. Drugs. And that woman has a HUGE shelf ass. Why is it that such a large number of African and African American women have that ass? Kukla has it. Lulu's ass is flatter than mine. But I always thought Lulu was (is) a trannie. Always. (um, transsexual) So, yeah, and I'm kind of old school when it comes to tennis on TV. Tennis whites, okay? She had on a black unitard thing, shorts, no sleeves, skin tight. Insane. With a thong clearly visible beneath. I guess if you're into it, sure, that would be fun to watch, you jerk off whilst listening to her grunt as she fires off Ace after Ace. Okay then. I only watched because it was bizarre. Hey, I grew up with Chris Evert and the lesbian as the stars. Billie Jean King, right? But she still wore white. We all suddenly knew someone who was gay, a woman, but she still played by the rules. Are there no rules anymore? Could Serena wear that 'outfit' at Wimbledon? God, I hope not. Sometimes I'm really conservative and prudish. Isn't that insane? Sometimes I'm, like, 41. Old. And... I watched a movie. "Bye Bye Love", about divorced dads. It was slightly entertaining, and Jeaneane Garofolo (how do you spell her name?) was in it, so that was good. And, and, and, "BB3" live feed action. I got to see the Food Competition, which was fun to see live, but since my feed is wonky I mostly listened, and recapped for those without live feed, on the recap boards. I am so thankful Caroline turned me on to them! Thanks, Caroline! Now I can't live without my recaps... Today, I've got the cramps going on, I'm tired, logy really, but I have one plan, to go the Farmer's Market and buy some of everything. It was supposed to be 'only' 80 today, but Yahoo! says it will be 88, so I feel betrayed by the weatherman. I was looking forward to cooler weather so I could actually leave my apartment, but now I'm not so sure. I cannot endure another day of oppressive heat and smog. I was thinking yesterday I should take a picture of the smog to post here.... Alright, things to do. I might watch the Williams sisters Final tonight, might not. I don't know if I can take more of those outfits. She might as well just play naked, you know? It just doesn't seem right, I guess. It would be like some guy playing pro football in a pair of jeans. Or a hockey player dressed in a tutu. No, I can't think of an appropriate analogy, but if you can, do let me know. I say it's just not right, not only to wear all BLACK on the court, but to wear a skimpy little shiny short, short, black sleeveless skin tight unitard thing with a big thong underneath. Maybe if you have one of those asses you could set a tray on it's hard to find tennis whites that fit? I don't know, I'm just sayin'. Cost of the War in Iraq
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