Thursday, Feb. 28, 2002 / 7:25 p.m.

~Only a Little Guilty~

I only feel guilty for being a member of the daily diarist diaryring, for joining, because I do write every day, but then I decided I didn't want to write anymore, maybe not at all. Major conflicting opinions, thoughts, philosophies, a major battle within my psyche. But it's not like anyone from that diaryring came here looking for a current update. This, I know. So, all is well.

Obviously, I've been living. Things have been happening, and quite a bit, I should add. Not once did I wish I could sit and write it here. I've been craving a special bound book to write everything in, and I may go looking for one. My daily "journal" is really just an engagement calendar. I use it for documentation, in case I need to look back a year from now, or two or three, or 20, maybe not "need", maybe "want", to see what exactly I did on this day, or any other. The general details, not many thoughts, feelings. That is what I've been putting here. And this diary is filled with angst, emotion, spur of the moment vomiting of words.....lovely.

My favorite thing that's going on is Sunshine, the new temp at work. She and Donna started on Monday. Donna took off half a day Tuesday, didn't come in at all Wednesday, and today, after we'd all gone to her cubicle and made fun of the fact that she immediately decorated with cutesy porcelain sculptures and framed photos, and a giant jar of gumdrops.......she came in to gather her things and leave for good. We'd asked D., the Supervisor, to tell us when people leave for good, we don't need to why, just that they did, and so she told us. And the reason why...Donna wanted to stay home with her children.

But we know better. Or we think we do.

Sunshine is a former Deadhead, so we reminisced about going to shows, the fun of walking through the parking lots, etc. She refers to herself openly as a hippie, and she loves engaging simpletons in debate, can't wait to jump in with Veronica about her "spirituality". She is as appalled at the bible reading in cubicles as I was. Now I'm just used to it. She's worked in offices before, but never seen anything like what we have there. We laugh when we talk. I make her laugh, she makes me laugh, I love going to her cubicle, three behind mine....just to roll my eyes and laugh.

We are on the same wavelength...one of them. Not every wave do we ride together, and I know she has many stories to tell, but we are simpatico in the best way, so far. It feels like there's someone there I can relate to, finally, and again. It's happened before, it's just been awhile.

Lots going on. This and that. Maybe I'll write it later.

I want to say the Grammies were pretty good last night. I didn't find Jon Stewart funny at all! And that was really disappointing because I LOVE him usually. The writing just sucked. The banter between presenters was especially awful, really, really awful, and the overall production sucked. The whole "Lady Marmalade" production, which was fabulous, was weird too - microphones not working, then working, too loud or too soft. It was weird.

Basically, I loved the performances, almost every single one. The Ralph Stanley a capella song blew me away, I was near tears it was so beautiful. The same with the Emmylou Harris, Alison Krause (I am most likely spelling names wrong, and I am sorry for that), and what's her name, song.....chills. I did fall asleep at one point though, and that was bound to happen. It's the PMS exhaustion thing going on lately, plus the extra cold temps, lying on the sofa with blanket (throw) and cats after dinner, thing, I get so sleepy I can't help it. But, I only drifted.....I woke to the Alan Jackson song I've been reading about.

It was really good. Even if it had Jesus and the Lord in it, or God, or whoever. He mentioned watching "I Love Lucy" reruns for comfort after the events of 9/11. Yeah, Alan, you know it. And he asks, "Where were you when the world stopped turning?" and I thought, you know, it didn't, it never did. That was what amazed me that day. I got in my car to go home at lunch and everything here was so fucking normal it was scary. I expected cars to be stopped along the highway, the streets to be empty, but everything was the same, the world did keep turning......still, it's been written that Alan Jackson sings an anthem of sorts to commemorate that day, and I got to hear it and it was beautiful, appropriate, it was good.

And Tony Bennett with Billy Joel, and the lovely Alicia Keyes actually dancing a tango with that incredibly hot flamenco dancer guy (who I believe is in Saura's movie "Flamenco"....is it "Carlos Saura" who makes those crazy movies? Suddenly my memory is gone!)....and India Arie...all those nominations, no award. Damn. I love her song, "Video"!! Love!!! I want to buy all sorts of new CDs, I want lots of new music.

But....I'm just not a big fan of the new U2. Guess I haven't heard it enough. It didn't do much for me.

Now, the new "Survivor" starts soon......I am looking forward to the scenery.....the locale looks spectacularly beautiful! Even if all the people suck, they are in Paradise, so I will watch for that.

Oh........Anthony Bourdain is coming here on Wednesday!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Could I use any more exclamation marks? Maybe. I'm very excited. I hope I can make it, I hope he's cool, not an ass. Man, that's exciting.

Yeah, there are some things going on, and if I feel I want to share it, I will, later.

Cost of the War in Iraq
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