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Thursday, Mar. 07, 2002 / 7:27 p.m. ~Remembering, It's Too Easy~ I must say - yes, I must - that regardless of what anyone thinks of me, I am capable of leaving a lasting impression. Let's just say that the whole auction thing, with the designers, some of whom are very talented, that whole thing, from last December, has stayed on the minds of many..... and those many are not letting go. It amazes me. I didn't want to address it at all, but Jesus! You should get a look at my site stats. They can't stop coming around, they can't stop writing about me, linking to me, from hate sites. Yes, yes, have you heard of it? Diaryland has a hate site. A "Public Diary" devoted to hatred. I don't even know what to say on that subject. I don't even know. But, as I've said before, I know all their IP addresses, and it's becoming a bit comical the way they keep coming back for more.....and the latest link to my diary? Crazy. I suppose I should be immensely flattered that these girls can't get me off their minds. Wow. Oooo, I'm so tempted to give the link to the site....I'm so tempted to get down and dirty, but then I'm playing their game, I'm feeding them. One mustn't feed the hyenas. They can scavenge on their own. Moving right along.....I must shift gears. Sometimes I think I really shouldn't have a Site Meter, I shouldn't even look, because it's a bit scary, and I get sucked in to the drama, or melodrama. Who can't leave me alone, who only reads one page at a time, every time, and I wish would read more, and why must people keep looking for "Audrey Tautou Naked" in Google searches, when even though my diary is first listed, it states clearly that there is NO naked Audrey Tautou here??!! People at work all knew I'd taken yesterday off. No one thought I'd been sick. They must've asked, "Hey, is ___ sick?" "No, no, she's just taking a vacation day." Either that, or Sunshine told them. It was kind of nice though for people to ask how my day was, for me to tell them how I slept 'til noon, didn't even shower 'til around 4:00. Nice. And they told me of something major, oh yeah, major shit going down, went down, yesterday, and how lucky I was not to have been there.....okay, how do I put this? How? It turns out that all the W-2s we've been reissuing, since February 1st......oooo, how do I say this??? The info on them is wrong! Yeah! Dig that! So, yesterday, a letter was drafted, a piece of shit letter, and it was folded and stuffed, by the entire site (!), and sent out to some 2,000 employees, to let them know not to file their taxes with that W-2, that a new replacement is on its way! Omifuckinggod! Really. Seriously. Sunshine and I were on the phone, across cubicles, this morning, speculating wildly. Lawsuits, termination of our contract, are the reps to be held liable at all?, and how much longer do we have before we're canned, site-wide?! Of course, by the end of the day I'd forgotten all about it. In fact, I was just pouring myself a glass of buttery Chardonnay, thinking of what I can write about, instead of the crap that I just saw whilst checking my stats....when I remembered. Oh yeah! We're up the Creek named Shit, and there are not only no paddles, but we don't even have a raft! No floating vessel at all. Oh, just wait until those employees receive that letter in the mail! Whoo hoo!!!! That's gonna be some fun! "Hey, I just got this letter telling me not to file my taxes with that W-2 y'all sent, but you know I already did. What am I supposed to do now?! You expect me to wait around until you send me another one? And I gotta file an amended return with my accountant? I gotta pay again for him to file again when YOU people are the ones who fucked up?!".... "Um, let me transfer you to my Supervisor." Tee hee. I just finished my Thai takeout leftovers. Garlic Pepper Tofu and Salmon Curry. Yum. Full belly. The wine is perfect. Soon is "Survivor". And....did you know that it is repeated, "Survivor" is, at 2:35 a.m. on Thursdays?? Yeah, I woke up and the TV was still on, and it was the premiere of the Marquesas "Survivor". I kind of did a double take, maybe a triple take, waiting to wake up completely, to check the digital schedule, yep, sure enough. So, in case anyone who reads this (hah! like anyone's reading this, except crazy HTML knowledgeable designer girls....grrrrr.....) is into it, misses an episode, and stays up late, you have a second chance! Yes, you do! Right. So. Mid day I listened to that tape Greg made for me. Yes, the romantic Scorpio who not only wooed me, but opened my eyes, made me see that I needed to leave my live-in boyfriend (yes, yes, I "cheated") and live on my own (thank god that happened) has a name, and it is Greg. I listened to that first tape he made for me, the one he left with the rose on my desk, the one I wrote about, here, recently, and it took me back. Not just to that time, when he gave it to me, how it felt as I listened to the songs he chose, for the first time, but it took me back to all the times I've listened to it since. And I wondered if there would ever be a way I could tell him exactly how much that tape means to me. Each song so carefully chosen, and I wanted to quote lyrics here, but I didn't take the time to write them down. So intensely romantic, so passionate. We were incredible together, for a time. It wasn't long, what we had, and it didn't end well, but I'll never forget him, our time together, how he made me feel, how I want to feel that way again. I got lost at work today, listening to it, that tape, and I had the volume turned up loud on my Walkman, so I had to look at the phone once my break was over, to see it ring, to see the red light flash because I couldn't hear it. I sat and listened. Intently. Just listening to every word, to every guitar strum, noticing mandolins, violins, not just guitars, every instrument, and Billie Holiday, Jesus, Billie fucking Holiday! Oh man. "Night and day....you are the one.....whether near to me or far, doesn't matter where you are I think of you, night and day....". Unh. Mmmmm.... And for a moment, there, I wanted to touch and hold and kiss and feel, and I was overwhelmed by the desire, wholly inappropriate, there. So, I thought about everything, and my life, parts of it, were all swirling around inside my head, the good, the bad, what went wrong, what was so right, and I got lost as I sometimes do, when the phones are slow, when the Walkman is on, when I'm feeling that something missing, that something I tell myself I don't need, just so I can get through this life. I have to force myself to believe I don't need a thing, not a person, no lover, no man, or how can I live without? It's TV time now. You've got your "Survivor", then your "CSI", then your "ER", and that's it. Tomorrow's another day. And I hope we get severance when they tear up our contract. Do you think we will??? If our outsourcing company, our employer, fucks up royally in their contractual duties, does that mean we will be compensated when it's all over?? Or do we get pink slips and 15 minutes to clear out our desks? Anyone? Bueller? Cost of the War in Iraq
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