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Wednesday, May. 29, 2002 / 11:44 a.m. ~Take Me, Hurt Me, Leave Me With a Mark~ I confess right here to my interest in D&S. I want to submit, I want to feel pain. I want to sit close to a stranger while he inserts a needle filled with ink into my skin. I need to feel that pain that leads to something permanent and beautiful. You don�t think that�s quite D&S, but I do. It�s electric, it�s charged. Tony�s done two of my three tattoos. Sitting with him for hours as he held my skin tight, the feel of the needle scratching into my skin, feeling his breath on me if he leaned close, feeling my own endorphins kick in to blind the pain, it was all a whole body/mind experience unlike anything before or since. It will be different with someone else, but I am thinking about it, looking at my naked skin, looking at all the places with room for ink, for designs, for permanent decoration, thinking, imagining, and finally wanting to feel it all again. Anyone who�s been tattooed knows it, knows the feeling, knows if it�s good, how much she can take, when she needs a break (no, no breaks, don�t stop), when her mind goes places she�s never been, when tattooing becomes something much more than what�s apparent. Mark said the ankle is supposed to really hurt, and it hadn�t even occurred to me, because pain is part of it, it�s beside the point, it is the point, it�s everything and nothing at the same time. It�s a process, a means to an end. It�s like buying drugs, not the pain, but the process, the waiting, the rituals, the moments filled with silence, with preparation, not the weighing out and packaging, laying the money on the table, not into hands, but the shaving, the cleaning, the setup, the filling of the little tubs of ink, the waiting until he�s ready, the sound of the machine when it�s first turned on, that dentist drill sound that lulls you into a stupor. I�m getting really excited. Forgive me Father, for I have sinned, it�s been 10 years since my last tattoo. I�ve wanted more since the first, the whole process an addiction, the desire for every sensation was great at first, but it�s waxed and it�s waned over the years. I�m ready. I have money, I have the blank canvas built in, take me, hurt me, leave me with your mark, permanently. Cost of the War in Iraq
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