|
Thursday, Feb. 06, 2003 / 9:15 p.m. ~Taking Control, and Laughing At the Idiots' Fury~ I shut the cats out of the bedroom early this morning, so I could sleep. Again, I dreamed. I dream I'm not safe. I dream my lock is broken, or the doorframe has rotted, or in this case the door was two thin sheets of plywood with some foam core between them. I spotted my landlord outside and was asking him to come up and fix the door, but I needed to call maintenance, to make an actual appointment. I knew that. It made sense. But I was left with a shattered back door. I don't remember a front door, but the back door was ruined where I'd punched it in to make my point. I dreamed I was in a bathtub, and I wasn't alone. I dreamed I was holding someone close and I felt his naked back. He had blemishes, clogged pores, small, but I was glad for his imperfections. I wake up exhausted. First, I tell myself what day it is, if I can figure it out. Then I wonder what I'll eat for lunch, what's for dinner. Before I've left, I can't wait to come home. Flipping through The New Diary in bed last night, just before sleeping, trying to find diary techniques. This isn't one of them. One was 'here and now', but I've done that before all on my own. I'm on a commercial break. It's "CSI" night. I voted on "Star Search" finalists. John Roy and ____ _______(name deleted by moi). They were simply better. And they won. I'm going to leave this room and come back later. Back. "CSI" makes evidence collection seem positively groovy. Hip, even. The techno dance music plays whilst Warwick (spelling?) finishes off the plaster cast of the shoe print. Oooooo...... too cool. The Moon is in Aries. I've been jazzed all day. I told my Supervisor she's terrific. I think I called her 'great'. Short choppy sentences are de rigueur. Several people hung up on me at work, one woman twice. I laughed. And laughed. Everyone was so funny, the incredibly stupid, lowest common denominator human beings, the most diluted of the gene pool, the scuzz that floats on the top of the gene pool after a long hard Winter. Their fury incited nothing but laughter from me. One man wanted my name, I offered my middle initial as well, would've offered my firstborn child, even though I'll never bear children, but he refused, opted out for my Supervisor instead. The heat has been turned up several notches in the realm of Employee Services. I told my Supervisor I've been in customer service for years, retail before this job, years and years, but I've never been suited to kindness to idiots. It doesn't seem like the job for me, but there I am. She says I'm doing fine. And I worried she'd think I want to be her 'pet'. I've always preferred the adults to the kids. I want to hang with the teacher and leave the students behind. I want to sit with the adults, leave the teens to their own table. How is it that tomorrow is Friday again? How is it that we just keep keeping on, doing the same thing over and over and marking time on our calendars? A cold rain is falling and I will watch good, creative TV (Catherine Willows snaps her tape measure authoritatively), and read in bed, watch stupid pet tricks on Dave Letterman's show, sleep and dream. This time I want control, let me choose the dream, make it happen. Cost of the War in Iraq
(JavaScript Error)
Recent Entries: It Was 40 Years Ago Today - 9:44 a.m. , Friday, Oct. 12, 2012 Dead Black Cat - 9:07 a.m. , Wednesday, Jan. 25, 2012 As Seen From Outer Space - 1:07 a.m. , Saturday, Dec. 05, 2009 I Survived to Tell the Tale - 7:29 a.m. , Friday, Sept. 18, 2009 Reading My Life - 12:55 p.m. , Saturday, Sept. 12, 2009 
  |