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Wednesday, Nov. 12, 2003 / 7:17 p.m. ~A Knife Could've Cut Through the Tension, I Suppose~ I've been using Internet Explorer more and more lately, sometimes not even opening up Netscape at all. Maybe I should kick myself out of the Netscape diary ring I created? And, one really should check one's bag of food prior to exiting the drive-thru lane of her favorite 'fast food restaurant'. I just ate a Cobb salad, when what I ordered, and it says so on the receipt, was a Bacon Ranch. I don't like blue cheese, but I just ate a bunch of it. You know, when I'm handed that bag, I'm just glad to have food, I seldom look in it until I get home, unless there are fries in there, then I reach for them to eat on the way. I know, I shouldn't eat there at all, at any of those places, but I'm in a no-cooking phase right now. We know it won't last, now don't we? Yes, it won't last forever. These things come and go. So, yes, the time off work was most unproductive, aside from two loads laundry, but that was the weekend, and cleaning the bathroom, which does look so fabulous I wouldn't let Norm stay on the counter top this morning. She goes for my patchouli bottle anyway, likes to lick the outside, and this pisses me off, and she knows it, so we had a little showdown, but my point is... A big ass mirror covering one whole wall reflects a lot better when the dust is cleaned off it. Yeah, mirrors collect dust. Who knew? I did. It's so nice. I should invite people over to use my bathroom, but then they'd get it dirty. Moving backwards again, Jane and I stood outside after work, in the parking lot (and why does it have to be so damned dark now, so damned early?, it's pitch black after work), talking about Q and H., and just the whole layoff/job switcheroo extravaganza. Jane is staying (Yay!), but it seems that everyone was told the same thing, that they are all desired. Hmmm... H., our Supervisor, made no bones about telling me she is leaving and very happy to do so. She vacillates between saying what a great thing it is she can collect unemployment, finish school (medical training, or billing, or whatever), do her volunteer work, etc., and saying that she knew they wanted her gone, she knew she'd be one to go. She wants to seem happy, but it's so clear she's hurting. It makes my head spin. H. and Q are the only two directly laid off, the rest are being told we have opportunities in the other department, the big department, but I'm still not clear on who will be laid off after the first of the year. I was told I wouldn't be, but H. likes to tell us the contract with the Big Corporation has only been signed for a year this time, instead of five. I know I should keep looking for something else, and I am on the monster.com and flipdog.com lists so I see the listings in my email inbox, but I'd like to stay, I guess. I don't know. I'm saying "I'm playing it by ear", and that's true, but it might be nice to see into the future just the same. It would've been super nice to win the lottery last night too, and some most fortunate person in my state did just that, along with a few other people (I think it's six who are splitting the $70,000,000), but it was not my time. Anyhoo, it was nice to have it all out with Jane. She's very up front, says 'fuck' a lot too. When outside anyway. We went for a walk too, on our second break, but Q joined us so I wasn't able to really talk to Jane. I already know what's going on with Q, she's been laid off, she's pissed, and she's trying to cover it up, in between bitching about how she's leaving and we're not. This is all very awkward, and I do look forward to it all working itself out very soon. One thing seems clear, our phone and FAX lines will be shut down at the end of the month, and our department will cease to exist. Kukla and I will stay behind to finish any paperwork that comes in. This is the plan, but our Manager (M) wasn't even around today, so who knows. I mean, she was there, I saw her shooting the shit with another supervisor, but she is clearly avoiding us, and our questions. La dee fucking da. I went in to work at 11:00, after lying in bed wondering if it was time to get up, spooning with G cat under the covers, dreaming about vacation time, and switching it with Kukla. I was so tired of thinking about work, dreaming about work, worrying about not accomplishing anything on my vacation, not writing in my novel, etc, I was actually anxious to go back to work. Isn't that horrible? And Kukla said she and Penelope wondered how my novel is coming along. Wow. They remembered. I thought that was really nice, but I told her I'm kind of stuck, that I want to finish, but I chose a difficult story, a true story, and she was very supportive. It was nice. I hear "Entertainment Tonight" in the next room, they're talking about Madonna on Letterman last night, and I'd like someone to address her body language. Was she nervous or what? Madonna sat with her arms folded tightly across her chest, her legs crossed just as tightly, not across her chest though, but can you imagine if they were?, and she played with her hair, constantly smoothing one side of it. Heavy, heavy on the body language. Very defensive, very insecure. Weird, huh? You'd think she'd be okay on stage, but she could not have been more uncomfortable, and to ease her discomfort she attacked Dave any time she could. Thought long and hard each question to come up with a snarky and mean answer. I fell asleep on the sofa during Chris Elliot, and I've never thought he was funny, never, and woke up to Rufus Wainwright on Kilborn. I'm sorry everybody, but I don't like his voice. I just don't, it grates. To me. I only think of his dad, one of my favorite singer songwriters ever!, Loudon, and think how beautiful his voice is instead. But, Rufus sang an interesting song, about keeping his phone on vibrate for calls from his "friend"?, I don't know, interesting though. That's it, backwards. Not only could I not wait to get back to work, I mean I was really anxious to see if people were all packed up, and were there meetings and had people begun training yet, and what was going on??!??!?!?!!, but when I went to leave to get to work at the wonderful hour of 11:00, Glad sat between me and the door as I put on my shoes. I moved her and she went right back. For a second or two I worried she had some psychic vision of something terrible happening to me and so she was not going to let me leave, but I got past it. I told Q and she said Gladys just didn't want me to leave her, not after all our quality time together. Good point. Speaking of animals... there are new neighbors, next door and downstairs, down and over, and tonight I saw into their apartment, as I often do (they leave their door open a lot), and noticed a large black dog, a Rottweiler I believe. Those dogs scare me. He saw me too, but didn't pay too much attention. I guess I should stay out of the grass from now on, eh? Big dogs produce big shit, yes? Uck, I ate blue cheese. Cost of the War in Iraq
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