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Tuesday, Mar. 19, 2002 / 6:29 p.m. ~"The Mood of the Day is Lighthearted and Jovial"~ I didn't read my horoscope on my Yahoo! start page until just now, 6:30 p.m., but it's eerily on the money: It is time for you to come out of your hibernation of the past two days, dear Aries. Shake off the blues and come into the light. Today is a day to play and have fun. You will find that the mood of the day is lighthearted and jovial. So be the first with a joke or silly story. Do what you can to make others laugh. Let the fire within you burn its brightest. I swear, on anything upon which I could swear, that is EXACTLY how today went. I made Sunshine laugh all day, I made Lulu laugh, I love to make people laugh, I am funny, really, people have said so. And I did play and I did have fun. The mood was lighthearted and jovial, all day. It just was. And I had silly stories to share. It's true. It's really true. Moving right along. Good news. I came home to a shiny golden doorknob. It works. It turns, it's tightly attached to the door, and it does not match the lock, which matched the old doorknob, sort of a burnished brass-y kind of color, but who cares? I have a different setup here, a lock that's sort of a burnished brassy-y color and a shiny golden doorknob. I had to call them again, the office, to say, Hey, what's the deal? They came out yesterday, but they didn't fix the doorknob, and I thought the woman on the phone sounded irritated with me, but maybe she wasn't. And they fixed it. And I came home and Norma and Gladys ran up to see me, and I thought, Boy, you guys have had quite the past couple of days! Quite a day! Two days in a row. Strangers coming inside, one, maybe two, who knows? One, probably, but still, hey! And....a couple of you have left me really nice notes in my guestbook, or written nice, supportive email, so that's nice. It really does make me feel good, to know that people are hearing me, they know what it's like, or they at least feel for me, if not with me. I feel much better, thanks. Last night I managed to pick up The SuperStation on the bedroom TV, not hard because it's locally produced. Yeah, this is Turner-ville. I fell asleep to "Somewhere in Time", which is actually a very nice, romantic movie, but I have seen it one million times. And it was funny that "Deathtrap" was also on last night, on Bravo or something, must've been Christopher Reeve night.... oh, poor Chris Reeve..... it's so sad to see him when he was a fine, strapping specimen of manhood. So, still trying to deal with the HMO thing, the enrollment thing, but I have to choose a PCP - Primary Care Physician - at the time of enrollement, and I've been perusing the directory, asking everyone what doctor they see, and today I was asking if women prefer male or female doctors, all in the name of research of course, and it was fascinating. Of three I asked, yep, not too scientific, only three, they all instantly said, "Oh, male, of course" when asked which they would prefer as their PCP. When asked about gynecologist, they also instantly replied, "Male". I found this very odd. I prefer a woman doctor. I've seen both, men and women, of course, but the last caregiver with whom I had any sort of relationship was actually a Nurse Practitioner, a woman, and she performed all my gyn exams. She had a prescription pad signed by the doctor with whom she worked, or for whom, I guess, and she would prescribe my birth control pills. One time I had to have a colposcopy, a procedure in which a long tube is inserted into the vagina all the way to the cervix, and on the end of the tube is a camera, or at least a lens, and the operator, doctor, whatever, can look through a microscope-like instrument to see the surface of the cervix, to check for cancerous cells. It's not supposed to hurt, or so I was assured, but I found it incredibly painful, like it was inserted too far, or something. I left the office doubled over with cramps, and angry that everyone in the office, nurses, etc., had assured me it wouldn't hurt and acted very surprised when I accepted their offer of Tylenol on my way out the door. Bad experience. No cancer. I felt it was a waste of money and time, but they said, Well, what if it had been cancer? But it wasn't. Even so, I've had bad experiences with male and female doctors, and I'm sure, overall, gender does not have much to do with the quality of care that's provided, but still. We all seem to have our preferences, and since I'm choosing totally out of the blue, I'm looking in the directory for females. I might choose the one from Nigeria. Lulu and Sunshine said they would not trust her medical education, but I said that about the one who went to a Medical School in Jalisco, Mexico. Aren't they notorious for having schools that crank out "doctors" in half the time or something??? At least I get good info from the online directory - I can see where the MD was educated, when they graduated, what specialty they might have, besides internal medicine (and I've gone from General Practitioner to Internist, mainly because there are a LOT more to choose from), and if they're accepting new patients, what hospital(s) they're affiliated with, etc. It's been interesting. And hard. I don't know who to choose, really, so I think the Nigerian woman would be good because she is the closest. Our HR Manager advised me (oh yes, I've been asking everyone for any input at all, and she knows our insurance plans pretty well, it's her job) to call these doctors too, and Lulu and Sunshine think the best thing to do would be to pay them all visits, but Jesus, how much trouble am I going to go to here?! Hopefully, by the enrollment deadline, Friday, I will have chosen, and then I have to wait until May for the Benefits to kick in! All this trouble and I have to wait for my first appointment. But you can be sure I'll be making one, I'll get tests, I'll ask about my moles, I'll get a Pap Smear and maybe allergy tests, and other stuff!! All for a $10 co-pay....boy, I like the sound of that. Yeah, I'll be paying for it, but no deductible sounds good. Basically, I hate the whole concept of insurance, and that's funny because my father made his living in the Insurance Business, the whole time I knew him. He retired in that business. Ah, but he was in High Risk, very cool, an Underwriter, and finally Vice President. He insured amusment parks and crap. He'd tell me horror stories occasionally. He really should've talked about his job more, but I think he hated it........ So, things are happening. Little steps. I can do it. I can. I'll do everything, eventually. I have to be confident. At work, we're testing a new computer program for our department, and I have the only true up and running LIVE version, so every day the programmer comes by and wants me to take calls while he watches, we look for glitches, errors, we write them down, I point out all his typos, I log off and he corrects everything, then later he comes back and we do it all again. It makes the day go by really fast, and it's kind of fun. He tries to tell me what he's doing to change things, something about "POP"s and coding and stuff, but I don't understand any of it. There is another programmer working on about a third of it, and he tells me to talk to her when I have a question about what she's done, and vice versa. She's from India, he's from Pakistan. Just thought I'd throw that in. On Casual Friday she wears her "native dress", beautiful Saris, or whatever they're called. I asked her once, and she said something other than Sari, so I'm not sure the name, but they're beautiful fabrics, and she's beautiful, wears her long black hair in a braid, has one of those red dots between her eyes, not all the time, but some times...... she speaks very softly and I understand when she tells me her changes.... "I need to change the 'focus'", oh, I get it. It's fun and challenging working on it with them, and I was beginning to wonder if D., the Supervisor, would ever participate, or if she thought I was usurping or something, but today, at the end of the day, we spent over an hour playing with it, together. So, it was okay. Now, if only Sunshine would talk to the Manager (M), and see if she can't stay on, take a couple days off to be with her son, then stay as a permanent temp.... I'm trying to get her to "take a meeting", but she is actually afraid. Imagine that. I'll work on her some more tomorrow - she thinks the Temp Agency has dealt with the management and that our immediate Supervisor and Manager may not even know she's leaving.... That's just not right. So, it's better. I have a/c and a doorknob that won't fall off, and I am going to get health insurance and get some questions answered, and last night, on "Everybody Loves Raymond", the topic was "What is the meaning of life?" and I almost shit when I heard it..... Here, I had just written in my diary that maybe not everyone asks why we're here, what this is all about, and Ray's daughter, a little girl wants to know, not how babies are made, as he expects, but why did "God" put us here? And he has no answer, tells her Heaven is too crowded, like Disney World. Ray's brother Robert is wondering about Space, wants to know what would happen if you got in a space ship and flew as far as you could, how far would it be??? Is there an end??? What is at the end???? And it was funny the way he suddenly revealed his lie-awake-at-night obessession with wanting/needing to know, asked everyone, but there is no answer. It was wonderfully written, very serious and funny at the same time, and at the end, when Ray and Debra go back to the daughter, to try to give her some answer, anything, thinking she's waiting for them, there she is playing with her brothers, the question forgotten, for now. The expressions on the faces of Ray and Debra were priceless, beautiful, sheer joy in watching their children play, suddenly not worrying about why we're here, just enjoying being here, now, in this moment. Until the kids break something and they rush in. Fade to black. It was very moving. Maybe you had to be there, but I recommend that show, really, it's very good. Unlike that "Baby Bob". What WAS that?! It wasn't funny. One more thing, today was the NHL trade deadline (God, I hope I don't get Googled for that!), and my team traded our CAPTAIN!!!!! Oh wow! He's been with the team the whole three years, he's the third captain in three years! And we traded him for a prospective 4th round draft pick?! Crazy. Fucking crazy. I hate the way they keep juggling, I really do. I mean, there are only maybe three original players, what the fuck is that? Building a Franchise, my ass! How can you build if you keep changing your players? They never have time to mesh, to learn how to play with each other, it's a new team every year. What is the point? I am really beginning to question our GM's decisions. Okay, so Ferraro wasn't having the best year, but not every Captain is the best player. He's got to be a LEADER, and Ray was that. Egad! "Was"! Horrors. I don't even know what to say, but I'm just glad I have yet to get anyone's name on my jersey!!!!!!!! Cost of the War in Iraq
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