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Monday, Sept. 02, 2002 / 5:11 p.m. ~There's More~ So, "A Cook's Tour" comes on weekdays at 4:30? Who knew? I just caught the end of his New York City show. How odd to see the WTC in the night shots. What a great show. I miss watching it, I miss him, I miss Tony Bourdain, I miss Tuesday nights, watching "Gilmore Girls", "24", "Real World" and "A Cook's Tour". That was such a little ritual for me. Another 'so'. So, it looks like I'm the only one who clicks on a favorite diary and reads, then clicks on 'previous' to make sure I've not missed anything, or checks out the 'last five' to make sure. So many people don't have the 'last five', but they should, I think. After all, your diary is online so other people will read it. 'Fess up. I'm reading, and I don't want to miss anything. But the rest of you?? Feh! For the record, I never say 'Feh!', but I've seen it written elsewhere and I like it. I like Yiddish. We'll assume it is Yiddish. I could go look in my Yiddish book (yes, I actually own a book of Yiddish terms), but I don't want to get up. Which reminds me, damn I'm lazy. I need to work out. All I do is sit around and eat. Which reminds me. Seems a lot reminds me. I finally finished my Chinese leftovers. One trip for takeout and I have three days' worth of food. Not bad, eh? Okay, I had the dream again. I woke up and I said to myself, I says, "Hey, just a danged minute, I had that fucking dream again!". Rooms. It's never my own abode, I'm always looking at an apartment for rent, or I'm investigating someone else's apartment or house, and this time it was Hermione's, which makes sense since I just wrote about her yesterday. I just wrote TO her yesterday. And she did invite me to come visit. Out West. I'm not sure I want to, visit her that is, but in the dream I did, visit her. And she was showing me around their new house, and there were all these rooms! Oh, look, you have a little room here, I love this room! And it was like the "Big Brother 3" house, like the HRD (High Rent District), or "Map Room", after they covered it in plastic for the pie challenge. Which they knew, oh yeah, they knew it would turn into a pie fight. Hence the plastic. Not that the room in the dream had any plastic, but it had mirrors on the walls. The room in the dream was Lilly's room, or one of her rooms, a playroom, and it had a big mirror on one wall, a big mirror reflecting a view of trees outdoors. Of course, trees usually are outdoors, but still. It was Lilly, who in reality is only just about 4 years old, explaining to me the layout, what is what, what is a mirror, the setup, you know. She was super intelligent too, in the dream. Rooms. Extra rooms. More than you thought. More than I thought. Turn a corner, oh hey, look at this room, now this one is nice too. Wait, I kind of like that one over there, can we keep looking? It means something, dammit. I was thinking a lot about it when I first got up, at the ungodly hour of way too late, but nice as hell on a HOLIDAY, and I decided it means my subconsious mind is telling me there is MORE. I can't be certain, I am only guessing, and I'm not even sure a professional would know for sure, but I am guessing that I am trying to tell myself it's not over, I'm not stuck like I think, there are more rooms (opportunities?) out there, there is so much more that I haven't even seen. I wonder if I'm right. It's not exactly pleasant to feel the loss of control that comes with dreaming. I am aware of the concept of 'lucid dreaming' and I have been a party to it on occasion, or partaken of it, but mostly I am given up to my own subconscious mind when I close my eyes to sleep. Occasionally some external stimulus interferes, i.e. sleeping with the TV on, but normally, and usually, it's just me and my subconscious mind. My subconscious mind and I. And we go where it will take us. To wake and realize it's been the same thing, again, is frustrating, and disturbing, especially realizing it's clearly a 'message' of sorts, but not knowing exactly how to interpret it. Like someone telling me something in sign language and I know the alphabet, but this person is signing more completely than that and I don't have a clue. The person is desperate, just signing away and I stand there dumbfounded. That's what it feels like. We sat on the porch a while ago, the girls and I. It was hot, but not as hot, and it was clear and bright, the trees that dark green of late Summer, the sky very blue and the clouds only wispily floating by. I sank low in my wicker chair and drank my coffee, put Norman up on the little table so she could look out the screen windows. Put Gladys up there later and she refused to even look, silly neurotic indoor cat.  We came in shortly and it's nice and cool in here. Darker, but we can look out of windows and see the weather there. I'll get out in it soon enough, I don't mind being indoors this weekend. I have more cleaning to do, but I've begun with little projects. I see the need to tackle the kitchen sink clog again (I sometimes imagine an animal in there, or a creature, some sink monster), and I will, and I will clean the bathroom, and I may vacuum again, or I may not. I have clean clothes to wear to work this week, and clean sheets to sleep in, and that is good for now. Really. Norma sits crouched over, that "I'm gonna be sick" look on her little face. But I'm not sure. She can be hard to read. Perhaps she is just relaxing? We've discussed it and she says she is fine, thank you. Whew. So, it's good to know there is more, I wonder what more it is? When do I find out? Must I keep dreaming this dream? Whose abode will it be next? Why is it never mine? Is it that others are trying to show me? External forces want me to know? Or is it that they have more and I covet what they have? For these and other questions to be answered, tune in later to My Subconscious Mind.  Cost of the War in Iraq
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