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Tuesday, Oct. 22, 2002 / 9:03 p.m. ~The Sordid Lockdown Details, and My Day Back At Work~ You want to know what happened? Let me try to condense it. And not mention any names. And be really careful with the wording, and not say too much... I was curious about the person reading all of my diary. I was checking the IP address, I was checking stats, I had the day off, I spend a LOT of time online, goofing off, when I have time off work. One time I checked the Diaryland stats and found that people were referred here by a message board, um, a message board upon which I used to post, at which I used to spend a great deal of time. Naturally I locked my diary immediately. What a great option, by the way. And I followed the trail, saw the title of the thread, freaked out, realized it wasn't about me, got to page THREE of the thread, finally found the post which linked to my diary, read the linked page, realized it wasn't that bad at all, what I'd written about a particular poster who is a fan of a major musician..... (any long time readers may know where I'm going with this, or at least what I'm omitting, and if not, if you're dying to know, ask me and I'll tell you, otherwise continue to scratch your head, or tug at your beard, or whatever it is you do when you're puzzled), and I thought that might be that. As they say. I checked the thread a bit later, only to find that someone had tried to have a look after I locked it, queried the poster, the linker, and the linker replied something to the effect of, "Hmmm...isn't that odd? Let me try again. No, you're right, I can't even quote it for you, what HE wrote". I emphasize HE, she did not. Yeah, she not only took great offense at something I wrote about a poster on the boards (which was TOTALLY justified, what I wrote, and not terribly unkind at all, in fact rather playful and joking in tone), but she skimmed, she held her finger on her mouse's left side (or right, depending, or maybe she has one of those with the scroller ball thing, or whatever, who the hell knows?!), and went up and down the page looking for the key words she'd entered in the crappy search engine she used to search out the words she was searching, for, for which, etc. She called me 'he', and 'the guy'! And she was angry. Hah! I locked this baby up, but I don't want to do that, I don't want to lock it, I want people to be able to read my fine, fine, writing, to learn all about ME, to do like one "TYPHOON" and read the entire thing! Go, now, read! I am great! You know I'm kidding, right? Not about "TYPHOON" though. Who are you? Why are you not leaving me even a little note? Dang it. And you, "TYPHOON", you thought I locked it to keep you out, I know you did. Nope. As long as you don't link to me on some message board wherein THOUSANDS of teenagers post drivel about their penises and whether or not they should kiss their boyfriends/girlfriends, or their boobies, or whatever, in between posting actual intelligent comments or cultish, worshipping comments about the musician in question.... yes, I actually used to post there. But hey, it was way brief. I was smitten by said musician. Yep, I was in love. I left those boards, and they don't know who I am on the boards. The two identities, one Joleen, one ______, are very different, not interchangeable at all. There was an exchange. The linker was written to, the linker responded, words were exchanged, it appears to be dropped.... and I went back to make sure it was dropped and found a post of hers on another thread, same boards, the "Support" thread, in which she mentions trying to get custody of her kids, and her husband calling her and a fight ensuing, etc., etc., so it occurs to me that she is finding her support there, on those boards, and she did her little search as part of a discussion of who disses the boards' members, outside the boards, and she found what I wrote about her little board member 'friend' insulting, and etc., etc. I get it, but I still don't think she should have linked to me, not there. It was inappropriate. Gosh dangit, I'm out of 60 watt bulbs, and I'm typing this by the light of my fading monitor and a 40 watt bulb. Makes it just a bit difficult. Anyway, whew! I didn't have much luck in the condensing department. It's a long story. But suffice to say, I saw in my stats a startling situation, I locked it up, I sent out passwords to people who link me, but I didn't do it right, then I gave out passwords in guestbooks, and I didn't care if people saw the password, it was public, but now it's unlocked, until I go to bed, probably, then I'll try it again tomorrow, or not. I care. I don't care. You get me? Good. That said, I went back to work today. First time since last Wednesday. Lots of "THERE she is!"s. Lots of "Welcome back!"s. It was nice. I felt social. I chatted up the 'new boy'! Yikes!, I know! I guess in a way I was happy to be there, knowing exactly what I have to do, and not here flailing. Not that I flail when I'm home on 'vacation', but in a way I do. I spend too much time online, causing trouble, or getting into trouble, or looking for trouble. I never 'accomplish' anything. So, Kukla says, "It's Laverne's last day, by the way". Huh? Yeah. She gave notice, but I didn't know. She invited me to go have drinks after work, in honor of Laverne, with several others from our dept and others, and I said Sure. I called Mark all day, bored, looking to chat, looking to tell him this and that. I invited Mark to go. He used to work with us, in the office, but not in our department, but he used to work directly with Laverne, over there, in that other department. In fact, she used to lean over his cube and talk to him ALL day. I didn't tell her I invited him though, nor Listerine, and she knows Mark too. So we met at the restaurant, sat at a HUGE table, and Mark showed up to screams! "OHHHHH, MARK!!! It's SO good to see you!!!!". Must've made him feel good. I knew they'd be happy, and surprised. I don't think they knew he and I reconnected early last Summer. So, we all drank and ate (Cajun food), and Mark treated me, which was nice. I skipped all the fried crawfish and catfish and oysters, etc., and went for side dishes, grilled asparagus in lemon butter (REALLY good, and I was excited because I knew it would make my urine smell all asparagus-y, which is always fun), garlic mashed potatoes, and a Caesar salad I couldn't even eat because I was so full - I had to bring it home. Good times. (Am I neglecting to mention that we had a table filled with people, like 13 or 14??? Mostly raucous African American women, but Mark and me, and one gay man. Whee!!!! We were a good crowd!) I also showed my tattoo all around at work this morning, then later in the day examined it closely and saw all the little flaws and decided I hate it. I'm in the "I hate it, it's all fucked up" stage. And I'll get past that. But yeah, it's so imperfect, not like the butterfly she did, not at all. And it's not because it's sloughing, it hasn't even really started yet. In fact, it's healing really well..... Ack, I don't know. (and, by the way, yes, it hurt, but no more than any other, I don't think, they all hurt, in degrees - I enjoy the sensation) I was talking to the 'new boy' about my fear that the Sniper will do something during the big Demonstration in D.C. on Saturday, and since the 'new boy' is PRO WAR!!!, he says if the Sniper doesn't shoot anyone in the antiwar crowd, he will! I shot him a Peace sign. I'm not going to get into it with him. Losing proposition, bad idea. Politics, religion, nunh, nuh. Still, I hope he stays away. The Sniper, and the 'new boy'. It's hot in here, or I'm hot, and it's dim, did I mention it's dim? We'll see who reads this, if anyone. Anyone with sense would see I mean no harm to anyone. I say these things here, but I don't link to people I want to slam. That's wrong. I don't think I've ever said something nasty about someone and linked to his/her site and said, "Go visit, go LOOK at what a fuckhead he/she is!". That would be wrong. I've read people doing just that, in fact I can think of one diarist who does it all the time, and I'm kind of squeamish every time I read it. Like, "Hey, that's not necessary, now is it?", but she gets it out of her system that way. I bet in person she is really sweet, but she gets in her diary and lets everyone have it! You know? See how I'm not telling you who? Because that would be wrong. Besides, I like her. I'm just not too crazy about how she does things sometimes. So, I'm off. I've got to watch "Sleazy World" at 10:00, and since I missed the post-Eli situation on "Felicity" at 7:00, I've got to catch it in repeat at midnight! Eli was played by Simon Rex..... mmmmmmmmmm. Oh god, the way he looked at Keri Russell, the character he plays, so simple, so barely there, but so clear, so perfect. She should've left Noel for him, and fuck that asshole Ben!!! Ben versus Eli?? Come on! No question. Hands down. Omigod! I feel like a teenager when I think about it. He's dreamy, positively. Okay, yep, big night. I'm glad the diary lockdown thing is coming to a close. If you didn't know about it, and you're still reading, and you see this locked later, the password is in guestbooks around D-land. Or write to me. I'll tell you all about it. Are you yawning yet? And who is the person who's been reading pages and pages and pages of this diary? Can't you just sign the guestbook and say hello, or something? Let me know, okay? Okay. Thanks. Oh, another thing (addendum here), if you link to me, if you read my diary regularly, and you didn't remove me when you saw the locked diary situation (yeah, one person actually did, remove me, but she needed to anyway, I've been wanting her to, and she probably thought it was all about her, the lockdown thing...), thanks. Thanks for reading, thanks for listing me as a favorite, or buddy, or whatever. I dig you guys. Cost of the War in Iraq
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