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Monday, Mar. 03, 2003 / 4:00 p.m. ~It�s Too Clean~ On my way to the kitchen this morning I actually said to myself, �It�s too clean in here�. I was so accustomed to piles of mail and antiwar leaflets all over my dining table, piles everywhere, and layers of dust, thick layer upon layer creating a white haze over all my furniture, at least one plate, or bowl, or spoon, or fork or glass in the sink. Nothing. I was almost afraid to touch anything lest I destroy the vision. Incredible. Brandy did finally call yesterday, 7:20 p.m. By that time I had the computer logged on, and left on, and I was firmly entrenched in the �I�m A Celebrity�� two hour extravaganza on the TV in the living room. Her message on my CallWave said that she was �finally calling� me. Yes, she was, finally, but it was too late. I don�t think I�m angry, I�m just disappointed, but I never really expected much from her. It�s odd knowing that her friend might be able to come in and turn on my computer and really fix it, and I may not get that chance now, but I also still think if I ever get to a bookstore to look at computer books I might find the book with the solution in it. I know it�s out there, if I�d only look I�d find it. I�ve gone back in my archives and read some entries from a year ago, and I�ve decided all my entries are too long and rambling. So, I�m going to make an effort to shorten them, not to just sit and write and write and write with nothing to say. And I�ll say briefly that while some really terrific relationships may start out as friendships, if you�re friends with someone and you want more, but the other person does not, you really need to let it go, however you need to, doing whatever is necessary to let go. Otherwise, it makes things really uncomfortable for the other person, the one who has to tell you over and over again that it�s just not there. Some people really, really know what they want in a relationship, physically, emotionally, and spiritually, and if the wrong person comes along and tries to force his way in, break across boundaries that are there for a reason, it�s a violation of trust. I feel violated. I�ve been tolerant, to a point, but I can no longer be. Maybe it�s best not to be friends with someone who wants more, knowing you don�t. Maybe it�s cruel to try to force someone not to feel, just as cruel as trying to force someone to feel. On another note, I�ve decided to resolve to drink more wine. Normally I don�t make resolutions, but this will be a good one. And I want to keep my dining table clear of crap so I can actually sit there whilst I eat my meals, instead of on the sofa, balancing a plate on my lap, or a bowl in my hands with a cat on my lap as I watch TV. I like sitting at the table. Tables are good. I see people on TV sitting at them whilst they eat. I feel like Chauncey Gardener, my whole life learned from television. As I entered the building through the mailroom this morning, here at work, I heard someone on a radio program talking about not watching TV for a week, and I thought, Heavens, why?! I get so much enjoyment from it, so much pleasure, entertainment, fun, education, why on Earth? So much for short entries. Cost of the War in Iraq
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