|
Wednesday, Jun. 18, 2003 / 1:24 p.m. ~Try Knocking Next Time~ I'm on the edge. Push me and I will go over. One little push and jaw is clenched, hands are wrung, tongue is bitten, lips closed tightly together. Sound and light sensitivity, it's all too loud, a constant party, hard to hear, too bright, hurts my eyes. It feels constricting, like I've got no control here, the environment is artificial and an assault on everything that is good or worthwhile. Neil Young is singing about how a man needs a maid. Just someone to keep his house clean, cook his meals and go away. I couldn't agree more. My neighbor across the 'hall' rang my doorbell at approximately 6:45 a.m. I thought it was Sunday, I knew it was early, I kept wondering why someone would come selling religion on a Sunday, so early. I looked out the hole in the door and saw her door open, saw her, leaning over the railing looking out on the parking lot, wearing a yellow bathrobe. I opened the door and she asked if my power was out. I stumbled, I rubbed my eye, she asked, "Were you asleep?" and I said, "Yes". I flipped a switch, no power, yes, no, no power. "Was there lightning?", I asked. "No", said she. I asked if she could use her phone, call the power company, "There is no phone either", "Use a land line, do you have a land line? Not a cordless, the kind of phone you plug in, you know", "None of the phones work" - Jesus, woman, how many phones do you have? "Just a second, let me check my phone�", it worked - "I'll call the power company", and I went inside, turning on lights that wouldn't come on, so I could see to find the power bill to find the phone number to call. And as I was dialing, the power came on. Slowly, I realized it's a work day. Very slowly. She gets up early, she assumes I get up as early, she pictures me applying makeup and setting my hair, or whatever, as she does, but I do not. I get up one hour later. And thusly, I had a hell of a time going back to sleep. Even Gladys couldn't get back into it. Imagine waking someone up to see if her power is out. Poor helpless woman was in dire straits, yes? (Reminds me of this English movie I saw last weekend, "Loaded", everyone said, "�yeah?" at the end of sentences - I decided I'm going to adopt it, yeah?) Oh dear, I can't SEE! Better see if everybody else's power is out, or is it JUST ME?!?!?!? Thing is, although it was raining, and it still is, and it was dark for that time of day, I guess, I wouldn't know because I'm usually ASLEEP!, she couldn't tell if power was out everywhere, no inside lights were visible from her view out the parking lot. Fuck. This has set the tone for my day. I can see her point, I can, but RINGING my doorbell at 6:45 was not cool. This is a woman I've only seen a handful of times in the however many years I've lived there and she's lived there. We have different schedules, we keep to ourselves, we're private, I forget her name, she no doubt forgets mine. It was weird. Everything feels weird. Not knowing what day it is is weird, the electricity going out for no apparent reason is weird, constant rain is weird. And answering the phone and not knowing what will be required of me is weird. Being yelled at by strangers is weird. Listening to Neil Young sing about needing someone to love him while I write this is weird. I honestly want to curl up in bed and stay there, and I don't know why. Nothing feels right. I'm now home at lunch, trying to download email, but someone sent me something huge and it's taking a long time - people, don't send over a couple hundred KB without advance warning - and still things are wonky. Tempers are flaring at work, phone callers are pissy, I'd swear it was some planetary misalignment or something if I'd read about it on Cainer, but I didn't. That's the problem, there is no excuse for all of this, this, whatever this is. Cost of the War in Iraq
(JavaScript Error)
Recent Entries: It Was 40 Years Ago Today - 9:44 a.m. , Friday, Oct. 12, 2012 Dead Black Cat - 9:07 a.m. , Wednesday, Jan. 25, 2012 As Seen From Outer Space - 1:07 a.m. , Saturday, Dec. 05, 2009 I Survived to Tell the Tale - 7:29 a.m. , Friday, Sept. 18, 2009 Reading My Life - 12:55 p.m. , Saturday, Sept. 12, 2009 
  |