Wednesday, Jan. 08, 2003 / 11:31 p.m.

~Tutto Bene~

I'm not sure what Jonathan Cainer had in mind when he wrote this, but I like it:

"Why do we all seek certainty? Why do we strive for answers and explanations? Why do we hate to dwell in doubt? Isn�t it all a little strange? After all, we come to this Earth from we-know-not-where. We have absolutely no idea how long we are due to stay here. Nor do we have the first clue about where we will go when we depart. Our lives are riddled with unanswerable questions. Our existence is nothing but a mystery. Perhaps this is precisely why we yearn so passionately to hear an incontrovertible argument. There are certain things now that you just cannot know. Why resent this? Be glad."

Okay. I'm not sure this applies solely to Aries folks, but I'll take it for what it is, which is ?. Again, I like it.

Tonight was good, trashy TV night. I was down to only one or two shows a week, really, aside from "GL" on tape every day (usually watched in bulk on weekends) and "Felicity" right after work, on WE, and now that "Amazing Race" and "Survivor" are in a hiatus of sorts I was jonesin' for some good ol' "Reality TV". Whoo, boy, I got it.

"Joe Millionaire" the other night was way too derivative, and that goofy construction worker dude is, well, goofy. Plus, I HATE seeing women get all catty over some guy, and all catty over each other's attempts to wrangle said guy, especially said goofy guy. And listening to women talk about how they always dreamed of their wedding days is just, well, BLECH! But I watched it, I admit.

Oh no, tonight was much better. "The Bachelorette" is much more satisfying, and I figured it would be. I must be hard to please, but of the 25 men chosen to please her, er, satisfy her, um, appeal to her?, only one was remotely attractive to me, and that was the Hawaiian dude, one of the two token Asian-American dudes. Of course she chose the one token African-American dude (trust me, she has no desire to marry a black guy) as a member of her semi-final posse. Anyway, details aside, you watched it or you didn't, and I did, so I know the details, it was fun to watch, stupid, stupid fun.

I'm omitting the beginning of the evening, "Star Search". I was watching that show, and Arsenio Hall's big comeback, on LIVE TV, no less, thinking America needs a prime time variety series again. We need another Ed Sullivan. Why must it always be about competing? About voting online and cash prizes? Let's just have a show where we get to see acrobats and child prodigies and the top music acts of the day. Comedians, dancing bears, clowns, jugglers, Barbra Streisand, Nine Inch Nails, you know, VARIETY. An entertaining program just existing to take one's mind off one's troubles, off the day, an escape. We need that again, screw the competitions, let's just have some entertainment.

Okay. And "Celebrity Mole", what could be more stupid? Stephen Baldwin? He used to be cute! Damn, what happened to THAT guy? But again, you know, it was just fun, stupid, stupid fun. No "Amazing Race", no "Survivor", but I enjoyed it. Yes, I did. I may just make an appointment with my TV to do it next week. And, I may just make an appointment to watch "Star Search" again tomorrow night.

Work is crazy. Stupid crazy. Off the chain, as the kids say. No, wait, there has to be an even better expression, a better descriptive phrase, and although I've recently appropriated 'mad swank', it can't be used here. It's beyond description outside the workplace. If you're not there you just wouldn't get it. So I won't even try.

Time is passing though. Already I see daylight when I leave the building at the end of the day. Tonight there was a sunset of bright reds and oranges, and I got to see it. It was warm enough during lunch to take off my coat. The sun was shining, the sky was blue. I got the free weekly and took it back to work, but never even opened it. I'm so behind on my reading it's awful. It's some awful, and I'd like to find time, to squeeze it in, the reading thing, and now might be good, but now doesn't feel right.

It's such a pattern to crawl into bed with the TV tuned to something good to 'sleep to', Letterman, a French movie, something old on TCM, and something I can wake up to later, or something I don't expect to be there, like the other morning when it was Martha Stewart creeping into my dream so I woke and watched for a sec, then turned her off. A preview of the next show, wherein Martha is on the floor practicing yoga postures, saying how much better she feels, not just physically, but mentally, spiritually.

Yes, Martha, I know, yoga rules.

Now is all about the march. Really. I printed the flyer at work, was tempted to post it to my cubicle wall, but I don't want anyone to tell me to take it down - I'd be too pissed - so I just stared it at, showed it to the closeted guy I'm training.

I dreamed one of the gay men at work was telling him he needs to accept his sexuality, that he'll be better off if he just comes on out of that closet he's in. I know this guy is gay, I'm not kidding, even if he doesn't know it himself. Could be he does have those four kids, and he does have the wife, but he said something about them being in California still..... maybe they visit? Maybe they're splitting up?

Oh, I like him though. I really do, and I hope he stays. One temp who started on Monday is gone already. Hah! It takes a certain type to stay. Look at me. Someone like me, you see?

Oh, don't read anything into that.

This is it, I'm really tired, despite the coffee Heath Bar crunch ice cream.

This entire entry has been typed without the aid of my eyeglasses. Impressive, much. That reminds me, and I'm not sure why, that I loved it when Chaka Khan (as celebrity judge on the star searching show) said, "Tutto bene! Bravo!", but she should've said "Brava!", with an 'a'. For female. Her pronunciation was nice though, "Toot To Beh Nay!" Nice. I also like saying 'Chaka Khan'. When Arsenio introduced her I impressed myself by knowing who she was before he said her name. I'll never forget that face of hers, that smile. Was she the one who sang, "I betcha gotta chick on the side, I betcha do, I betcha gotta chick on the side"?

I feel like surely there's something else, really important, but I can't think what it might be...... maybe that there were TWO plane crashes today, but only one made it to the CBS Evening News, at least in the headlines I watched..... 72 people died in Turkey, but they only talked about the plane that went down in Charlotte. We are so provincial. Like if it happens outside our borders we just don't give a fuck. Why do I even bother with Dan Rather anymore? And what is with his hair? I can't get past that haircut.

Oh, that makes me think of a Cheech and Chong album I have, and this bit where this Narcotics officer comes to school to warn the kids about the dangers of drugs, and asks if there are any questions and Chong asks, "Yeah, who cut your hair?"

Hey, when I was 11 years old it was really funny. Yes, I listened to Cheech and Chong when I was 11, and I was getting stoned when I was 11 too...... long story.

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