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Friday, Aug. 29, 2003 / 9:25 p.m. ~Up For Air~ I'm currently giving up on a movie on Sundance, or is it IFC?, I can go look... Oh, it's Sundance. It's "Fall", written, produced, directed by, and starring some guy named Eric Schaeffer. How he got this thing funded is beyond me. I cannot stand sex scenes wherein the men have their pants on while they fuck. Every single time I see it I'm disgusted. I've had sex, I have, I used to have a lot of sex, I have a bit of experience with the sex thing, and it's really, really, really difficult to have sex with a man who is wearing pants. It's not impossible, but no one enjoys it too much, especially not the man's penis. It gets all caught up. Nope. And I've tried to get men to do it, "Come on, like they do in the movies, just do it!", and they end up tearing off their pants. Not that this is the only reason I'm giving up on this film. Once I saw it was written, produced, directed and starring, blah, blah, I had my doubts, I was immediately cynical, but it's pretty, the lighting is nice, it's the story, this cabbie in NYC meeting this 'supermodel', who is frankly not beautiful enough, nor thin enough to actually 'be' a 'supermodel' (not good at the suspension of disbelief here), and the cabbie, the writer, producer, director, actor, is really just, sorry, unappealing as hell. And I'm supposed to believe (not good at the suspension of disbelief here, again) that he is getting this 'supermodel' off by tying her hands and dry fucking her on a hardwood floor (?!?!?!?), or humping her up against his fridge while he whispers his sexual fantasies in her ear? Wait, I need to change the channel again... Whew, bad movie encounters of the close kind. Or close encounters with bad movies, but slickly produced, well lit movies made by men with too much money to play around with, and women who will be easily persuaded. Blech. Funny too, after earlier having such a delightful encounter with a film, a surprise film, a documentary starring Robert Downey Jr, that's Robert Downey Jr!, called "The Last Party", in which Mr Downey Jr visits both the Republican and Democratic conventions of '92, and interviews all sorts of Americans about the issues of the time. Really good, though my cable company's synopsis included only two stars. No, it had good music, lots of Beastie Boys, good photography, really creative, and interesting interviewees, everyone from Spike Lee to Pat Robertson, Jerry Brown, Peter Jennings, Richard Lewis, Sean Penn, and lots of rappers and graffiti artists, etc., etc., even a child AIDS Activist. Yeah, I was touched, I was moved, and I find Robert Downey Jr fascinating. I think he is really attractive, in an odd sort of way, a very charismatic person, and I dig the whole troubled addict thing he has going on. Plus, we get to see him with his dad, lots of hugging there, and his new wife at the time (I think they're separated these days), who was very lovely, and by himself in crowds, acting very silly and stupid, in performance art ways, and very intelligent and totally objective in others. He can interview someone as absurd as Pat Robertson, or some 27 year old virginal black Republican man, with a straight face, no eyebrow raising, no emotion whatsoever. Amazing. So, one good film, one horrid, with "Big Brother 4" in between. Not a bad night so far. There are movies just hitting the city today that I need to get out and see too, like the new surfer documentary, and there's an old French movie at the art cinema, and we even got a NEW ART CINEMA, so pretentious it is even called something like "Art Cinema", but I'm really excited because we'll now have five art cinemas intown. One is a one screen theatre, really old, that shows foreign and independent only, and one used to be a burlesque theatre in the '20s and '30s, and was converted, has two screens and also shows indy and foreign, one is multiscreen and shows "Days of Heaven" permanently, and foreign, even this French film from the '40s that opens today, and indy, another is a really old theatre too, that has been divided and subdivided, was UA, but seems to now be only indy and foreign, and now the old one that was a UA too after it was art, and now is art/multiplex. Wow. Oxymoronic, eh? Love movies. Today was me being nervous and anxious and incredibly tense, again, again thinking I'll be fired, and when I'm objective I realize the whole incident of last week was 100% PMS. Maybe on the Manager (M)'s part as well as my own, but mine definitely. I wouldn't want to admit it at the time, but now, eh. The Site Manager never did talk to me, and I'm not trying anymore. I'm actively searching online for jobs, but nothing appealing has come up yet. I have high standards, like it can't be 30 or 40 miles away, sorry. But there was this other thing yesterday, Q telling them she heard she wasn't getting a new PC, and them demanding she tell them who told her that (uh, me), and her refusing (right on, Q!), and them saying, well, sure, you're gonna get one too, we don't need negativity like that spread through the department, blah, blah, and me thinking, oh fuck, not again, now I'll get pulled aside, be reprimanded, like a child, and threatened, etc., and I don't wanna go to work, I won't, I won't go! Like a child. But nothing happened. And I got to leave at 4:00, and I had to use vacation time to pay for it, but who cares?, I have 62 hours left for the year. Fine, whatever, I wanted to leave SO badly. And I went to the Farmer's Market/Whole Foods, because Q, Jane and I wandered through there at lunch, eating samples, and everything looked so amazing and good, I couldn't wait to SHOP! And I spent a lot of money, and got food, and I felt like the people in the BB4 house when they get food after eating PBJ for a week. I go in my kitchen now, look in the fridge and get so excited. I ate dragon vegetable sushi rolls for dinner. Dragon because they have sliced avocados on top, and they're arranged in a serpentine manner so they look like a dragon, with avocado dragon scales, sort of. I saw them at lunch, saw the cute Asian boy put them out, and told him how beautiful they were, and I got all nervous and shy when he politely thanked me. Ugh, he was SO cute. And Jane made fun of me for liking him. And she wanted me to like the boy serving the sparkling lemonade samples too, but though he had an unidentifiable European accent, I liked the Asian boy with the long ponytail better, and he can roll sushi! And a banana, a really not quite ripe banana, all yellow and perfect, the only way I'll eat them. And I have avocados, and peaches, and plums, and the reddest Red Delicious apples I've ever seen, and a big bag of shiitakes because they looked SO good today!, and zucchini and crookneck squashes, and yellow pepper and red pepper, and more broccoli, and pickled okra (I love that stuff!), and two kinds of chicken sausages, and bacon, and just tons of organic this and that, and wine, and the wine guy tried to talk me into a special wine vacuum sealer jobbie that was like $12, and I didn't want it, but he wouldn't shut up about how I really should have it, and I'm wasting money if I don't, and my wine will suck after two days, and I'll drink it anyway before then so what is the point? But then he threw in that he is single and has two or three bottles open all the time, and I jokingly called him a "WINO!" disdainfully, and he said everyone says that, taking away my fun, but he was pushy and snobby, so fuck him. It was fun, and there was a huge thunderstorm during the hour or so I shopped, and we could hear it on the tin roof, and I kept wondering if the lights would go out, and how we'd all react, and I almost, I mean I came inches away from purchasing a really cool insulated lunch backpack thing, because it had really cool and groovy multicolored CATS on it, on a black background. I fondled it, explored it, set it down, could not justify the expense. Speaking of, Gladys is giving me the hard stare. It's food time. So, right, no major discussions at work about why I asked the Computer Dude when Q was getting her new PC and he said, "I don't know that she is", and I went to her and told her immediately, because it's us against them and what is wrong with that anyway? And I got to leave early, thank you Jesus, and (I'm wrapping it up, can you tell?) I know Jesus had nothing to do with that, but would you believe the women I work with honestly believe he, and GOD are controlling their lives?, and I came home before I would've even gotten off work, even after shopping, and I have FOOD again, and I saw a really good movie I didn't even know existed, and I almost watched a really bad one, but I escaped, and I now have three whole days to do as I please. That is so nice. So nice. Oh, and I got to change my calendars in my cube today, in preparation for my return (oh god, must I?) on Tuesday, and the Humane Society one has a picture of these three goofy looking dogs, and it's so cute, they're so big and they're sitting so close together one's paw is touching the other's, and the Jack Russell Terrier puppy calendar is cute too, a basket of three puppies, so CUTE, and the company calendar has a photo of a gorge out West, so that is nice. And, and, the new "Survivor" starts in a couple weeks, that should be fun, and the new "Temptation Island" started last night (for the reality junkies - as I am the Reality TV Diary Ring leader after all), and neither show is very real, but fun escapism just the same, and I'm getting psyched about the march in October, in D.C. So, there's some happiness, however small. It's necessary to come up for air when sinking. Or else one would drown Cost of the War in Iraq
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