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Monday, Aug. 26, 2002 / 11:40 a.m. ~Who Wrote the Screenplay to This Piece of Crap?!~ I had a movie dream this morning. I kept waking up, but I must have hit a �pause� button because I�d fall back to sleep and the dream would resume. On and on it went. I was married to a farmer. I think his name was Eric. And he was older, maybe in his 50s. We had a lot of land together, and we worked hard. There was a dog and a large house. We had a fireplace with a fire which had to be kept blazing. He had convinced me to be with him, there, to get away from my own life and be swept up in his, to help him there. Then he went away on a trip to the city, and I had to take care of everything on my own, keep the fire going by myself, just the dog, or dogs, for company. In the last portion of this long dream/movie, this long story I felt I was watching from a distance rather than experiencing firsthand, he returned. I was hugging him and he had on a vest over his shirt, one of those dressy suit vests, like three piece suit vests, and as I hugged him I felt the smoothness of the satin-y back part, and I told him, �I love you SO much!�. We fell on to our bed, and I thought we�d be making love, I�d missed him so badly while he was away, I was so happy to see him again, but this was the portion of the movie that the audience can see coming a mile away. He pushed me away from him. This was hard for him, but he�d met someone else while he was away. He hadn�t missed me as I�d missed him. I�d changed my life to be with him, I�d stayed to take care of the farm while he went to the city and he�d met someone new there, he�d fallen in love with someone else, and he was going to leave me again, permanently. So I woke up. My memory has already lost parts of the dream, but it went on so long. I feel like I dreamed it all morning, in the early hours through getting out of bed for good. The landscape, the farm, the dog, the house, the isolation of living away from everyone else, falling in love with this man, missing him so much, the sacrifice, the shock, the pain. Wow. It was intense, really. Now, I�m in the cube, listening to punk Moby, �Animal Rights�, thinking about my dark side. Oh yes, don�t you think we all have one? Is it just me? You know, the sex with strangers dark side. The drugs taken to alter consciousness dark side. The listen to anarchistic, nihilistic music loud dark side. The side that actually likes Marilyn Manson dark side. It lies dormant mostly. Certain music brings it to the surface. Music can elicit so much feeling� Thinking about the dream again, of course the last scene is what�s stuck in the foreground of my memory, the hug, the �I love you SO much!� part. Then the look on his face, and I knew what was coming next. I have an idea why I dreamed this dream� I fell asleep watching HGTV, �Soap Pads II� to be exact, a tour of soap opera stars� homes, all in California, all beautiful, all with lovely fireplaces � and I�d just watched �Guiding Light� on tape, which is always filled with infidelity, lovers, etc. Probably the McDonald�s dinner at 10:30 didn�t help much either. Oh, �Spiderman� was okay. Not as good as I wanted it to be, but it was entertaining. I saw more people from my past whilst standing outside waiting for Branford, as he was 30 minutes late. Apparently he forgot we decided to get there earlier for this movie, anticipating a larger crowd. There was Guenter, with a friend from Austria, Martin, and Martin was toasted. They�d been at some tattoo studio opening bash, beer, barbecue, sunshine, and Guenter was fine, he handles his liquor well, but his friend� whew. Anna was parking their car, but she came along shortly and we chatted a bit. I showed them my new lizard tattoo � I hadn�t seen them since January, I think. Then along comes a guy I used to work with at the bookstore, years ago. He called out my name and gave me a huge hug before I knew what was happening. Odd bird, this one, he worked the video department at our store, had a crush on me, I knew this, and he made me uncomfortable, as unappealing men with crushes on me have a tendency to do. So I hugged him back, last night, and he was a little shaky. His hair has gone totally gray, but it was longish, and he looked pretty good really, considering I don�t find him attractive at all. He wanted to know where I�m working, etc. I have no �etc.� though. Nothing. This is a good album, this �Animal Rights�. It�s so different from anything else of Moby�s. I love that he experiments so much, and that he made this album for himself, though now he aims to please the masses� Cost of the War in Iraq
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