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2001-07-02 / 10:18 p.m. ~How long before diaryland goes under?~
I don't know, I mean I log into the members' area, just to update this thing, and there's always some bizarre notice, something about something not working, the site going down, but it's back up, etc., and sorry, but this is the first sign that things are going downhill, fast. I doubt that this will be here much longer - any of this, my diary, anyone else's. How much longer before I feel lost again, looking for someplace to write, someplace to be read? It doesn't look good. Andrew, et al, whoever "et al" are, can't afford to do this, it's clear. Whatever. Right now I hardly care, hardly wanted to write. I just feel like crap. I wrenched a muscle in my back last night, stupidly lifting laundry from the dryer, not bending properly, or bending too much, who knows, but it was really painful, and it made me nauseous. Fascinating, I know. Today I could hardly walk, couldn't bend very well, and finally took Tylenol, even though I was comfortable. I'm not used to drugs, any drugs, so it had too much of an effect. Then I ended up with a headache. Lovely. That and being really sleepy, really too casual, too comfortable, there at work, was just weird, all day. Plus, to top all that off, part of my feeling really comfortable all day was feeling really desirous of sex. I began to curse my desire, to desire not to desire, to be free of desire, but isn't desiring to be free of desire just more desire? How does one free one's self? I think I just felt really sensual, really aware of my body, of my pinched nerve, or muscle, or whatever it is, of the way it was making me walk, the way I had to be careful of how I sat, etc., then I wanted sex on top of all that. Wanted too much, and that is not good. But, Lisa came over, she loves my place ("It's so YOU!"), and we went to the FOX to see "Best in Show". I laughed so hard it hurt my face, really. That was a hilarious movie. She had a great time, her first time there, and I showed her all around the place. Showed her the place where I made out with Mark, where I made out with him because I wanted to, wanted to kiss someone and he was the one I was with, but it hurt him, in the long run. I was playing, but it was the FOX, and it was those great old chairs upstairs, and it was so dark, and cozy, and well, I'd had a few beers. Tonight I just had one beer, and I was with Lisa, so no making out, but I still felt it, still felt like I wanted to live in that old theatre, wanted to make out with someone, wanted to hold hands, and have sex all over the place. What's wrong with me? Feeling like crap, too tired, too much pain, headache, numb otherwise. Great movie though. Diaryland is going down, I can feel it..... Cost of the War in Iraq
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