|
2001-08-12 / 10:17 p.m. ~A Diary For Me~ Yesterday I read Bathsheba's diary, all that I hadn't read previously, and it took hours, hours and hours of reading of someone else's life, reading really good writing and feeling that my writing can never compare, that basically, I suck. I'm not sure why that was my overwhelming feeling, but it was, along with me wanting to know more about her than she was actually writing. She is a writer, a real writer, and I am a hack. I didn't want to write again, not here. It's been a source of conflict for me. Then today I finally got email from Automouse, and he was so nasty, just really abusive, in words, wordily abusive, to me, and I'm not sure why. Played amateur psychoanalyst with me, and it was awfully....I don't know, just unnecessary, sort of ick. Yeah, ick. See what a good writer I am? So this diary is locked now, it's just for me, as it should be. And this is good, no more worrying about the wrong people reading it, they can no longer. Nope. Today was "Shrek", the last movie for me at the FOX this year, and it was Lilly's first movie. She looked so cute! I was so excited to see her, and she ran to me, ran, literally with arms held wide, and I gave her a big hug. It was great, a feeling that can only come from the affections of a child. Yes, it made me want a little girl of my own. Every time I see her I wish she were my own. The movie was very clever, very much for adults rather than children, but there were many children in the audience. It was a great movie, really, I'd like to see it again some time. Drank a beer and ate a hot dog at the movie, and came home and lay on the sofa for the rest of the day, catching up on "Guiding Light"s on tape, watching other TV. Even "The Sopranos" pilot and "Sex in the City", shows I never watch. Then I get online and there's Automouse's abusive missive. Lovely. No word from the one who emailed his phone number with not even a "call me, I'd love to hear your voice". Nope, this guy cannot communicate with people. Forget it. One does not email a phone number only, no words to go with it. Did he think I'd call him and we'd have phone sex? Because he read about me doing just that, here, in my diary? I could never get involved with someone who reads my diary before meeting me. Well, this may be a bit lonely, but I'll try it, the personal, truly personal online diary. It just seems that anything published on the 'net is for public consumption. Otherwise, why not use a word processing program on one's PC? Cost of the War in Iraq
(JavaScript Error)
Recent Entries: It Was 40 Years Ago Today - 9:44 a.m. , Friday, Oct. 12, 2012 Dead Black Cat - 9:07 a.m. , Wednesday, Jan. 25, 2012 As Seen From Outer Space - 1:07 a.m. , Saturday, Dec. 05, 2009 I Survived to Tell the Tale - 7:29 a.m. , Friday, Sept. 18, 2009 Reading My Life - 12:55 p.m. , Saturday, Sept. 12, 2009 
  |