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2001-10-31 / 7:47 p.m. ~Halloween~ I went to Wal Mart after work, mostly for motor oil...my car leaks at least a quart a week, I think. I was surprised to see the parking lot as full as it always is, thought, Well, people will never be afraid to get out and shop at Wal Mart, will they? They may have fallen prey to the shopping mall hoax, they may be afraid to shop certain places, but Wal Mart seems the safest, most wonderful, friendly place in the world. I'm short on funds, didn't go too crazy, but I love the cheap food section, so I bought some Banquet dinners, Stouffer's Lasagna, some Mexican sodas, and mango nectar, chips, two kinds (!), and dip, my motor oil, three quarts, and some sliced chicken breast and a cheesecake thing. I think I was hungry. There's probably more too, but that's all I can remember. It was about $37. We get paid Friday, but after that we will get paid the next Friday, and the next, ad nauseum, or something. Yes, we are shifting to a weekly payroll situation, and I have yet to formulate my feelings on this subject. I am accustomed to "budgeting", if you will, for the two week pay thing, but this, I haven't done the weekly bit since I started as a temp almost four years ago! And then, I just about shit bricks when I had to wait for my checks to start coming in - I paid my rent late, I was fined, I had to borrow money so I wouldn't be evicted, it was SO horrible. God, I'm glad I'm solvent now....... But, that's neither here nor there. I came home and there was the sucky view, like looking at the end of a warehouse, or a big blue apartment building, awful, so incredibly awful, and I know, I know, it could be worse, I could be in some hellhole in Manhattan or something, maybe a nice place like I imagine Moby has, but I could have nasty fumes, asbestos filled fumes and smoke coming in under my door, and my windows, I could look out on someone's window, like RIGHT IN someone's window. Yeah, it could be worse. It just sucks so bad because it wasn't worse, it was fine, then little by little, they are ruining a good thing, a really good thing. I am going to complain, soon, but it will do absolutely no good. No good at all. Except...it might make me feel better. Other than that? Nah. Nothing. It's done, they don't care if I've lived here four years (have you noticed that everything in my life happens in 4 year increments???? I have), they can get someone else to move in if I move out! So, I came in, closed the vertical blinds, put my stuff away, and some kid knocked on my door. I didn't answer it. Dammit! I didn't get any candy this year. Last year I had a big bowl, really good stuff, I was real proud of my great candy, but no one came. Maybe two groups knocked. I gave them handfuls of candy. This year, I didn't even bother. Of course I'm hating life a lot lately, so I don't give a fuck about holidays, or Halloween (I know, that's terrible! I know), but it was a spectacular moon rise tonight, oh my god it was beautiful! Beautiful! I'm not going to see/hear Nader. I suck. I know. I don't want to drive all that way, I don't want to find a parking spot, I don't want to do something so amazingly cool as seeing/hearing Ralph Nader speak in person, for FREE, by myself. I want to sulk here, alone, with the blinds drawn. Harrumph! Norma threw up her dinner after she ate. She was lying down and it just came right up, none of that pre-hacking glucking sound stuff, she seemed really surprised, totally caught off guard. And I know it sucks, because dammit, she just ate that food! Now she'll want more, her little stomach is empty. And I know of no reason why she'd throw up, it wasn't a hairball situation. I hope she's alright...... I'm going to get off here now, I promise myself, I'm tired of spending hours and hours and hours online. On my two days off yesterday and Monday I must've logged like 16 hours, or more! Deleting spam off my Yahoo mail, blocking addresses, writing stupid emails to people, reading the list serve stuff, checking out new templates, reading some news stories, all of it a huge time suck, and that's not even including all the myriad diaries I read every single day. EVERY SINGLE DAY! I used a fast computer at work today, on my break, with IE, and Windows '98, and it was cool! Not like this dinosaur. I want a sugar daddy. I want someone to pay my way, keep me from working at a job I hate, let me volunteer for fun and charity, buy me a new computer, a little bungalow on a tree lined street....and I'll provide sexual favors or something. How does that sound? Cost of the War in Iraq
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