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Friday, May. 17, 2002 / 1:28 p.m. ~New Respect and Appreciation~ Yesterday, amidst my after work anger, I went to my mailbox and there was the CD I ordered online last Saturday, Moby's first mass-distributed full-length album (do I have that right?), "Everything is Wrong". It was the only item in my mailbox. I went inside and opened the package, put it in my CD player immediately. My first reaction was, Hey, this sounds just like "18". The first song. And then I thought, Well, Moby hasn't changed at all, he's not growing as an artist, this is from 1995 and in 2002 he is still doing the little tinkly piano scales, the same chord progressions, and then the phone rang. And it was Jon. Which song was it that sounded so loud and angry, nihilistic? I said to Jon, "Hey, listen to THIS! This is great!". And now, at work, early morning, I'm not talking to anyone, I'm listening to it again. I know Moby's style now. Very recognizable. And I still say "Play" was brilliant, a sort of anomaly. But this is good. All of it is good. And last night, after two Jack and Cokes, and no, I don't drink often, but I had to, and some marijuana, and stretching and lifting weights, which feels SO good, I lay in bed and listened to "18" again, thinking that my altered state was perfect for it. Unfortunately I fell asleep about three quarters of the way through, but before I did, what I came up with was this: look beyond the individual layers, listen to it as a whole, both the whole album, consecutively, and each song individually. Don't tear apart the extended chords, don't examine the vocal, nor the repetition, listen to it as a whole made of many separate layers, even if each layer is so easy to dissect. I don't even know how much sense that makes. My only formal music training is classical, reading music, playing violin and guitar, and a lot of reading and listening, but I know what I like and what I don't like. Music, like all forms of art, is wholly subjective. What's good to me may easily suck to you. And vice versa. At this point though, owning and listening to three Moby albums, I do feel enriched. It's really important to me to like "18", to see where he's gone as an artist and a person. Hard to explain if you're not a fan. Although I'm listening to "Everything is Wrong" at this moment, and I'm liking it very much, I can still say that "18" is on my mind, my initial adverse reaction to it (and my first listen, in my severe emotional state on Sunday, whilst watching those computer graphics on the TV screen), my current reevaluation, and my evaluation of Moby as an artist in general. I think he should score films. I know he has an album called something like "I Love to Score" and I believe he does, love to score. "18" has several songs on it that blow me away. Jon and I talked last night, later in the evening (he went to dinner with a friend and called me late to talk) and it was awful. It was my day, my perceived injustice, my anger and frustration ('scuse me, but track 6, "Bring Back My Happiness" is total dance, very nice), a heavy "CSI", an even heavier "ER", it was a culmination of things, and it was him trying to get inside me, probing, prodding, defending my enemies, it was horrible. I had to get off the phone. I know I'm not explaining it here and that's because I don't feel like it, but there will be no Jon and me, there will be no James and me. Me will be with me, like I like it, protective or otherwise. I don't need to explain myself to anyone. No one deserves a searching of my soul, but me. This album is intense, every song is SO different. And some of it is this intense METAL sounding angsty, nihilistic, Nine Inch Nails type music. Perfect. New respect for Moby. I'm so glad. May I add that I NEVER drink Jack and Coke. Bass Ale is my drink, or maybe Corona with lime, sometimes Jack and Ginger, and definitely dry wine, Pinot Grigio, Cabernet, etc., etc., the rarely occasional liqueur, but Jack and Coke? Never. But hey, I had this Coke in the fridge, there was a coupon and Takeout Taxi involved, so I have it, had it, and the Jack is old, but it worked, it really did. The marijuana was better, always a better result than alcohol. I will say this about my future non-friendship with Jon, and my overt rush to judgment, I refuse to be forced to qualify every statement I make. And it's true, I'd much rather, this is no joke, no delusion, be alone than be with anyone who makes me feel badly about myself. There are too many people in this world for me to surround myself with those who offer me nothing and expect so much more. Cost of the War in Iraq
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