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Sunday, Jan. 12, 2003 / 2:37 p.m. ~Poor Poor Pitiful Me~ So, US troops are ready for war, Maurice Gibb died, Thrashers got a new Head Coach, and I'm typing on this old keyboard that is just now allowing me to use the letter 'a'. Yesterday was insane, and after it was all over I ended up angry at myself. I only have myself to blame. Jonathan Cainer said to 'expect the unexpected', and even though I thought I was prepared, clearly I was not. Awake from 7:30 yesterday morning until 5:00 this morning. Insane, just as I said. How could a keyboard get so fucked up just by sitting unused? So, thanks to Caroline (and Gregg) I knew to make a boot disk, and that was easy, thanks to bootdisk.com. The only problem was finding out how to start Windows 98 from a boot disk. I don't know MS-DOS commands. I still don't. I was up all night, on this dinosaur computer (now I know why people were always asking me, "How do you USE that computer?!"), doing Google searches, looking on Windows help sites, trying to find just one mention, just ONE fucking mention of how to get it going in DOS. No, I don't need to know how to run DOS, that's easy, what do I type after "A:"????? I slept until around 2:00 today. Got straight out of bed and came back in here, unplugged this PC, unplugged the monitor, plugged them back in the other PC, started it with the boot disk in the A drive, and there it was again, "A:", and I'm not sure I can tell you what I typed, but I got it to "C:" and typed different commands until "WIN" seemed right, but then it told me I have yet another missing file, one "HIMEM.SYS", so I plugged this computer back in, copied that file onto the boot disk, and now, before I try it again, I need to find out what I'm doing. I don't want to take the computer to a shop. I am NOT going to have some schmoe looking at my email, my personal files, etc. And I don't want to pay the small fortune (really I have no idea how much it would cost) to get someone to come here and look at all my dust instead of my PC. If he/she could just come in, sit down and fix it, okay, maybe. Last night, while it was still relatively early, I seriously considered simply heading out to Barnes and Noble, perusing their computer books, taking notes, or actually buying a basic Windows 98 book, or a book about DOS, but I was wiped. I was so fucking tired, I hadn't even bathed. I couldn't imagine driving. Today? Maybe. I just want to sit right here and figure this out. I'm not only obsessed, I'm possessed. How do you spell those anyway? Two 's's and then two more? I'm never sure. Oh, man, this computer. How did I ever use it all those years? No kidding, you click on a link and you have to sit back and wait, really, just sit and wait, or get up and leave the room and come back. Almost every single thing I do takes forever. I can type right now, the keyboard seems to be working a lot better. It was just 'sticky', I guess. And I can't use the new keyboard with this PC because it doesn't have the right kind of port. You know what I want? A NEW computer, like a brand new computer, with TONS of gigs of storage on the hard drive, TONS of memory, and a DSL connection, paid for by someone else.... ($45/month?!!!!). I want a Sugar Daddy. I want a sponsor. I want someone to recognize my talents and fix me up, hook me up, let me go at it, give me the room to do whatever it is that's inside of me, waiting to come out, to get done. I have to say this, DOS isn't so scary anymore, it's just a language I don't know. It would be like if I started this in Linux or something. I'm just so used to Windows 98. And 95. And NT. And previously, for a few weeks when my brother was being a real dick, I had 3.1 on here. Yeah, I did. It was some horrible awful. Imagine kids now who don't know anything less than Windows ME, or 2000, who have Pentium IVs, who have video conferencing, and webcams and video games, etc. Or all those people using Sims Online edition. How fun that sounds, but not everyone wants to incur more credit card debt, you know? Do any of those people pay cash for their equipment? No. Well, I won't either, and fuck me if I'll charge it and pay interest. Never again, do you hear me? Good. This is why I have a 'new' PC I bought from Brent for $30, and he wanted more. I should just be thankful he took what I had on me at the time. "Hey, it's all I got", "Okay, you'll pay me later, somehow". So here we are. One ancient PC, from god knows where, as upgraded and partitioned by my brother and given to me in '98, and one used office PC sold to me on the cheap. And one crappy monitor I have to lean WAY in just to see. Are you pitying me yet? I should set up a Pay Pal account, like Bobby Burgess did, ask you to send me money. Fucker got HUNDREDS of dollars from people just so he and his girlfriend could make it back to Maryland from NYC, or to NYC and then to Maryland, etc., for fucking New Year's Eve. Fucker. I made coffee and chopped some garlic already. I love garlic. I'm marinating the last of the three ribeyes I got from the one extra super duper thick ribeye that I will only buy again if I bring it home to cut it into three separate steaks because the meat cutter at the Farmer's Market doesn't know how to cut big steaks into little steaks. Go figure. Mmmmm..... for an animal lover, a wannabe vegan, I sure do LOVE steak. Again, go figure. I think I'll have corn with my steak. I just read that corn is really, really good for something in the body, and I can't tell you what, but it's always been my favorite veggie so I'm excited. Oh, and cinnamon kills E Coli. Did you know that? That's why it's good to put in apple cider, 'cause cider can have the E Coli bacteria. Cinnamon kills it. But who wants to put cinnamon on her hamburgers? (Excuse me, but did you see that? The pronoun matching 'who' was 'her'. Not 'their'. This is my current grammatical pet peeve. EVERYONE is using 'their' instead of the appropriate singular pronoun, being one 'he' or 'she'. Look into it, will you? Thank you. Actually, in retrospect, perhaps in that instance 'their' might have been equally correct..... ?) Alright, I'm going to try to post this rambling entry now. Wish me luck. Then I'm going to look for more online info, I think, although I'm not sure because it's getting me nowhere. And then I'm going to download my email (or in reverse order), although then it will be on this hard drive instead of the other, but since I can't access the other, well, whatever. I'll have to come back and move it later, once I'm back up and running. See how optimistic I am? I hate asking for help. I'm that kind of person. I want to do it all on my own, and for the most part I do. I've lived alone for almost 12 years. That's a fucking LONG time, and I do everything by myself. If I don't do it it doesn't get done, and that's why so much is left undone. I'm tired of doing everything and working five days a week. But that's beside the point. I just feel like I'm smart and resourceful enough to fix things, even my computer, and it frustrated the hell out of me to think I may not be able to fix it. I may have to PAY someone to help me. Ack, whatever. Cost of the War in Iraq
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