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Tuesday, Aug. 10, 2004 / 5:43 p.m. ~Harsh Reality~ The more I talk to her, the more I get to know her, the more shocked I am at who she really is. I could label her "ultra right-wing conservative", or "wannabe Libertarian", if she were a political person, but she's on the border of old hippies who are anti-establishment, and she's politically jaded. She is intolerant of diversity in religious beliefs, thinks jobs in this country are for Americans only, and hates that Mexicans come here and steal jobs. As if they're 'crooked', as if they do it on purpose. And she thinks people who can't afford children shouldn't have them, regardless of their religious persuasion and education, not to mention knowledge of and proximity to birth control. I found her increasingly vicious and nasty, so negative I began to feel dirty, and my adrenalin began to shoot through my veins making me feel physically ill. I'd been telling her about Veronica and her hypocrisy, her slovenly ways, her greed, her laziness, her sloth, the way she uses her work cubicle as a private home office, the way she gets paid to sit and talk on the phone with her friends all day, the way her job all these years has been a free ride, and she invokes the name of GAWD in a vein attempt at redemption because she has to know, she simply has to know that any number of Wednesday Bible Classes cannot possibly change her from the horrible human she is into a woman of staunch righteousness and goodness. I told her Veronica makes me ill, and I feel working near her is a penance of sorts for me, it's Karmic Retribution, for what I do not know, but this is how it's supposed to be, and she laughed. Later, I was talking to my supervisor, in the middle of a sentence, when Jane broke in and said she needed work to do, our supervisor responded, they joked, and I was left standing alone, my mouth hanging open. I told Jane, "I was in the middle of a sentence". It was lack of respect, it was obvious hypocrisy, intolerance, anger and hatred, prejudice, bigotry, laziness, undeserving people surrounding me. I felt like crawling deep inside myself, so I did. I couldn't look at anyone, nor talk to anyone. Suddenly it seemed like there was no one pure person anywhere, no one good, no one truly kind and giving, no altruism existing on the face of this planet, nothing but selfishness and greed, people wanting something for nothing, people working hard for so very little, and people being paid more than they are worth. I had told her it's a balance, that life is not fair, that this is how it is, we know this is how it is, before she attacked Mexicans as a people, and I knew I couldn't relate the story of the cutest little girl I'd ever seen, in Wal Mart on Saturday, standing up in her mama's shopping cart, methodically picking up every can of shaving cream on the shelf and putting them into the cart. "Mira!", I said to the mama, and smiled, "She's putting all of them in your cart", and we laughed while the mama put them back on the shelf. I loved the people in there, shopping, no one thinking of the big bad evil Wal Mart, or lawsuits, or boycotts, people just buying what they need, or what they think they can afford to improve their lives, or make themselves happy, and big families of Mexican immigrants, lots of babies, children running around everywhere, so happy. I think of this 'land of opportunity', and how we were supposed to welcome everyone who had it worse than we did, and how now there are people like her, today, who hate the ones who want a better life, who work hard as laborers for so little money ("Hell, they don't need the money, they live all together in one room!"), just to try to feed their kids, and have a decent life. And does the Pope allow them to use birth control? And do they know they can get it at Planned Parenthood? And does their culture allow for 'planned families'? Is there room for improvement and education? Surely, but is there room for increased tolerance and acceptance as well? Today was a sad day, today was a dirty day, and I feel depressed and miserable from it. I wanted this woman to be my friend, but I don't think I can be around her, hear any more venom spew from her mouth. I have tried to be tolerant of her differing viewpoints, but they consistently go against every moral and value I hold near and dear. Life is harsh sometimes. Cost of the War in Iraq
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