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2001-10-15 / 6:53 p.m. ~The Temps Come and Go~ I'm writing this from work, 10:44 a.m. Last week's temp didn't last too long, maybe two days. I don't know if it was the "Morning Prayer" she copied and left on everyone's desk (I told my supervisor I was offended by it, don't much care for religion in the workplace, especially not when it's thrust at me, dropped on my desk with so much flourish, so much supposed urgency), or her snarky (?) attitude, but she was gone after a couple days. Today, Tiffany was introduced, and before I turned my head I knew she would be white. That's not exactly a name African Americans choose for their daughters. So, wow, a white person. I was automatically thinking D. would stick her with me, get the white person to train the white person, but it's not been that way, not yet. Good, because I'm not in the mood to train. I did skip the meeting last night, and I'm thinking about how childish it was, but then again maybe it wasn't, not at all. I'm still conflicted. I was thinking about Carlos again this morning, getting ready for work. I was in a really social mood the weekend of the Rally, really wanted to get to know everyone on those vans, on that trip, wasn't afraid, didn't hold back, put myself way out there, and there was so little response. I guess people don't always give what they're getting. I mean to say that I was outgoing, as I sometimes am, and I got nothing back for it. And it shouldn't be that I only give to get, it's not like that, but if I made a friend or two while involved in one of my passionate pursuits this would not be a bad thing. If romance came with that, great, if not, I'm willing to accept friendship, but when I'm simply ignored I don't deal too well. I thought about the people from the trip, how I'd gotten email addresses, how I'd sent out photos of people, photos I took, photos I said I'd send, I followed through with the attempt to keep in touch. I heard back, once, from two out of four. And that was that. So, no, I had no strong desire to reconnect with anyone in person for the meeting. And maybe some people prefer physical contact, don't like to write or use computers. I understand, I guess. I think I'm feeling lonely again, or not really lonely, just alone. I woke up feeling that way, sort of totally on my own, without absolutely anyone in the whole world I can call up, whine to, share with, ask for help, with anything. I don't know why I woke up thinking that, but I did. Then I thought maybe it's a depressing thing just to bleed, maybe the bleeding of menstruation just naturally makes a person feel low. Maybe. There's a whole day ahead, the weather is spectacular lately, so really I have no reason to feel unhappy. I've requested a couple days off, two weeks from now - somehow I've not used up my vacation time this year, so I've got accumulated time. It will be nice to have another long weekend, four days in a row not to get up, not to go to work, but there will be anxiety about what I "need" to do, versus what I "actually" do. I've already made a list, and maybe I'm setting myself up for disappointment in doing so. 3:00 p.m. Ah�the irony. The temp quit after lunch. Apparently she came in and told Lulu (who had been training her) she had school conflicts or something. Or something. Too bad, she was cute, I had high hopes for her -young, eager, quick learner. The fighter jets keep flying overhead - from Dobbins ARB. It's semi-unusual for this time of day. Seems like they're preparing�for what, I don't know. I'm feeling better, but I have a sore throat, I'm thinking I'm coming down with anthrax� It's a joke, okay?! L. is wearing surgical gloves now to open our department mail. (When she took them off and saw the white powder inside she was scared�for a minute, 'til she realized what it was!) Our long distance phone lines have been out all day. There is a convention's worth of BellSouth trucks outside, I guess trying to fix it. Whatever "it" is. (Turns out several buildings in the area have been affected) Lulu says we need comic relief, but to me it's already funny, in a sick joke kind of way. We're going to get online on our break, check out some news. 6:53 p.m. Lulu and I didn't spend too much time online - we only had a 15 minute break to use the PC with internet access - but I think we assuaged any fears we have of coming into contact with anthrax. Now, it's just a joke in our department. I'm sure we are at risk, but only as much as anyone else, anywhere in the world. Tomrrow we have a new temp coming in, and from the name given we don't know if it's male or female, although I'm guessing male. And I get to train him/her, oh joy. I warned everyone it's my period and I will be crampy and cranky, so watch the fuck out! Meanwhile, I am SO sick of the media downplaying of the bombing!! Read any internet article anywhere (okay, almost) and you'll read about the village we bombed (Rumsfeld says it was after-explosions from stored weaponry in their caves, that all the "villagers" were there to make weapons, etc.), the possibility that we killed the Taliban leader's 10 year old son, etc., etc., and etc. too, ad infinitum, but on TV all we get is that fuckwad Rumsfeld, lying through his teeth. They are not telling us 1/3 of what's going on and that pisses me off to no end. On NPR tonight they were talking about the "detainees" now being held, for this or that petty immigration violation, etc., and how the lawyers can't always get to them because they are getting lost in the damned system. Imagine being from an Arab country, taken from your home for some supposed involvement with one of the hijackers, however right or wrong, held up in some facility somewhere, questioned, and maybe you don't speak such good English, maybe you're scared. It's a goddamned fucking witch hunt! Things are getting really out of hand, and this whole anthrax thing is just the tip of some iceberg. But the worst, the very worst, is the lack of truth, the lack of information available to the mass populace. The majority of folks are turning on the evening news, listening to Dan, Tom, Peter, and that's it. That's the extent of it, if they don't flip over to the outrageously biased CNN for a bit. Disgusting. Now just imagine how many panicked idiots are out looking for that anthrax antiobiotic, or buying up gas masks, or simply holing up in their homes, living in fear. I'm thorougly disgusted. Reminds me of that Elvis Costello song: "Well I used to be disgusted....now I try to be amused.....". I'm gonna eat a pot pie. And take some more echinacea, my throat hurts. And then I'm watching "Guiding Light" on tape, and I'm putting this all out of my mind, for a few hours anyway. Cost of the War in Iraq
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