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Thursday, Feb. 12, 2004 / 6:37 p.m. ~Just Long and Rambling - Not Back Into the Diaryland Swing, Yet~ Ahhh, here I am. Back to this familiar and appropriately sized blank box. I do so love the blank box, akin to the blank page, but different. There are limits here, but as well with the page, yes? I have the cold right hand again, and all day at work I was clammy, or my hands were. Ew, imagine being clammy all over, horrors! Every time I think about updating here, or lately anyway, I think I want to start, "I hahd a fahm in Ahfreeka...", or "I had a rubber plantation in Indochina", like Catherine Deneuve in "Indochine" (the former being Meryl Streep as Dineson (oh no, spell check, someone!) in "Out of Africa". The latter is a manufactured phrase, based on the former, and no one has any idea what I'm rambling on about, but I know exactly. In fact, I was thinking I might watch a fantastic double bill on V-Day, "La Reine Margot" and "Indochine", a Vincent Perez, all French, all the time, full frontal male nudity included (whoo!) video extravaganza. We are talking HOURS worth of historical drama, romance, intrigue, war, famine, killing, sex, good, good stuff! Site Manager dude was going to work on my car Saturday, but he is going out of town, and I'm okay with that, really. I didn't want to do a Saturday thing anyway, even though I said it was fine. It seemed weird. I should take the car to a mechanic, get it over with, but I think he'd be offended at this point. God, this is not what I intended to write about at all, and as I write that, I'm not even sure I intended to write anything, there was no intent. Here's the latest, not that I ever write here that way, in a 'here's the latest' way, but... I went off the echinacea, which I used to capitalize, yes? Echinacea. I was thinking it cannot possibly be good to be taking it every single day, even though lately I've really needed to boost my immunity. I shall try this on my own. I need to give my body a break. Cold turkey, last night. Done, for now. And, unrelated, I know, but I woke this morning with an entire head filled with snot. Blowing all that out was rather satisfying. Feeling fairly well now, yes indeed, sort of a constant urge to cough, but I suppress it mostly. I went to sleep around 8:15 last night, which was great, really, but I remember at some point today wondering where I went last night, thinking I'd gone out, I'd not been home, then I remembered I'd just been asleep. Fun. Friendster man called, as he said he would, way too late for me, close to midnight, but this is how he is, he has a LOT of people, er, women, he talks to on the phone, and though we're trying to maybe possibly consider being friends again, not that we were, but we tried before, this is a horrible way to start back, late night calls. No, no, no, almost midnight on a week night is too late to begin a conversation. I have steadfast scruples on the phone issue. I have phone issues. I hate the fucking phone. We should be on the phone to plan the face to face thing, and then do the rest that way. Or write to me, but that's just because I am in awe of words used well. Oh, here's something else, I wanted music last night, in bed, TV music, so I tuned to the digital cable music channel labeled "New Wave", thinking, yeah, right, wonder what their definition of New Wave is. I lived New Wave, I was there, I was in Athens, GA, hotbed of the musical stylings. I listened to Gang of Four, Pylon, early early Talking Heads, REM, Lene Lovich, B-52s, what else? More and more and more, it was early alternative, it was an alternative to big hair bands, even if they did arrive later, but mostly an alternative to safety pin cheeked punkers, and disco. So, it was good. They played some Joe Jackson and Boomtown Rats, and actually I am really forgetting right now... oh, they started with early REM too. Nice, it was nice. But, here is a big but, they used to have a darkened screen, and now it's a static shot, blue in background, photo of album cover, and newsy trivia tidbits about the band playing. I wanted darkness. I thought of turning on the radio instead, but I wanted that music, just in a dark room. No mute for the picture, unless, am I missing something? Maybe there is a setting on my TV, must look, later. I honestly don't feel like writing, this feels like talking, like long winded rambly talking, and my shoulder hurts, and my hand is cold, and I think there are a lot of contributing factors, besides the moon being in the wrong sign. Or something. Maybe I just want to blank out my mind for a bit, not think so much about what I need to write here, or how I need to update, or where I write online, or how many journals I have at this point. I just want to RELAX. I felt it last night, I still feel it. I've been tense, and I just want to RELAX, all caps is the only way to put that. More work stuff happening. Is that enough? Can I simply allude to it and let it go? It's not bad, things just keep changing. Not bad at all, it all looks good on the resume, and I just keep going with the flow. I'm not looking for anything else. It's so cool to be able to walk out at 3:00 if I want, or 4:00 or 5:00, or today 5:30, and not even have to tell anyone. That will change next week, but after that, except for Thursday nights, if we leave early, if the option is open, I can, I will, if I choose. This is not bad, really, none of it. Every change that has come about recently has been ultimately very good. Every change. No exceptions. I really don't want to have any regrets about any of it, and I did briefly, but now, in retrospect, love the retrospect, I feel good. I need to clean this apartment, soon, and do some basic chore-like things, see a couple more movies, and make some other plans for the weekend, and I'll be satisfied. There is more I want, but it's good so far.
Cost of the War in Iraq
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