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Thursday, Feb. 17, 2005 / 6:40 p.m. ~Thoughts of Comfort~ I'm watching Dan Rather read the news, thinking, yet again, how much I'm going to miss him when he 'retires' next month. It just won't be the same without him, he's like home to me. Isn't that odd? The things in which I take comfort. Like "I Love Lucy" reruns, and I've not even watched any in years. And bacon and eggs, hash browns. Peanut butter and jelly (I bought ginger preserves the other day, oh, heaven!). My cats. My bed. My mom used to lie in bed at night, all lotioned up, her hair pinned with bobby pins, in tight curls to unfurl the following day, and just as she was horizontal and pulled the covers up to her chin, she'd say, "Ahhhhhh... bed". I sleep in her same bed now, and sometimes I say the same. Me, in my flannel sheets, sometimes in only a t-shirt, sometimes when it's cold in more flannel and socks, and one would think I wouldn't even be able to move dressed like that, but I sink in, set my alarm, and say the same, to two cats on the other side, "Ahhhhhhh... bed". And they nod in agreement, little kitty nods. Comfort. Today I called in sick to work, took a 'mental health' day, slept very late, indulged my subconscious mind in dreams aplenty, woke often, but let myself rest, and when I was up, finally, felt a bit resolved and rejuvenated, comfortable, and not so guilty as when I called in to say, "I'm really not feeling well", thinking it was true, after all. Now, it's Dan Rather reading the news, and coffee, finally, my morning coffee now, after answering emails, and reading some journals online, and throwing in a load of laundry, and realizing I only have detergent for the one anyway. It's not so bad. Nothing is so bad. I love my home, I really do, I love my things, I love my cats, I love bacon and eggs with hash browns, and that's what I'm going to cook in just a bit, the eggs filled with sauteed mushrooms and green onions, with grated smoked cheddar on top. I love garlic and music and books and animals and some people fill my heart with joy. Life is beautiful, even if sometimes I sink. It's cyclical, I know this, and I always bounce back, I know this too, and I hope one day I can be with the one I want to be with, and that he can tolerate me when I sink, and find his own ways to comfort me, lift me back up, fill me with the joy he already has. If not? I take comfort in me, and what I have, and I know how much I do have. And I know I have respect from my peers, and friends who care, and sometimes they all send email on the same day! It's good, all of it, and I'm comfortable. It didn't take much to make me feel better. I have a cookbook, something like Everything Tastes Better With Bacon, and not that pigs would agree with that, but I'll just say yes, it's true, and not just bacon, but everything tastes better when you can really see it and appreciate it. There's yet another new "Survivor" starting tonight, and what could be better, really? An "I Love Lucy" marathon followed by a "Survivor" marathon amidst old friends and plenty of comfort food, sure, but for now, all of this is as good as it can be. Cost of the War in Iraq
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